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How Do I Stop Blaming Someone Else For My Own Problems?


Esruc

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest ASchwartz

Esruc,

The situation with my sister is just me being selfish. About 2 years ago, I went to the hospital for overdosing on Xanax. While in the hospital, my sister told me I should have killed myself along time ago.

About my uncle, I used to spend the summers with him and my aunt. Sometimes he and I would wrestle and he would grab my balls and squeeze them until I started crying. When I would take a shower he would sometime run into the bathroom, pull me out and lock the door. Then he would make me walk around naked while he laughed at me. Sometimes he would be the one to walk around naked and try to make me look at him. If I didn't he would get very close to me and put his penis near my face. He laughed at my penis and told me it was too small.

It is no surprise that you feel angry. In fact, I have to ask why you believe your anger is wrong because you did something wrong? I can't think of better examples of abuse than the two you gave above. of abuse.

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Guest ASchwartz

Esruc,

It all depends on how you define abuse. What happened with your uncle and sister would certainly fall under the heading of abuse. I don't know any other way of characterizing being told that you should commit suicide. Why do you seem so closed to this that it made you reluctant to post? You are asking about the impact your uncle had on you and how he grabbed you while wrestling? This isn't abuse? This behavior is not their fault? Yes, you have your own problems and not everything is their fault. But, some of how you feel today, can be laid on them.

Yes, your uncle's behavior may account for at least some of your interest in pornography.

Allan

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Esruc,

From what you have posted here, it seems to explain so much of why you are hurting. How can those kinds of actions and words ever ever be forgotten? Normal, caring people don't say or do those things. I'd certainly call that abuse. Or extreme bullying, in the case of your sister. There is a bullying thread here at MHN for a reason. It is not an insignificant problem.

I think some of us here feel guilty. That anything short of full-blown rape is not worthy of complaining about. It is. Any horrible things others do that ruin your life is worthy of complaining about, of receiving compassion for and worth relief from. Never, never, never think you are not worthy of compassion and a better life.

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Esruc,

It seems to me you are taking massive personal responsibility for your problems. You asked "How do I Stop Blaming Others For My own Problems?". It would appear you have already stopped. You do not need to go back and blame them now. But you can simply accept that what happened, happened and those experiences at least explain how the problems started. They set off a pattern of behaviour that was caused at the gut, emotional level. Your conscious brain does not always have control over that. However now that you are aware of the reasons, you can start to heal and try to get help changing the patterns. They are so deeply ingrained, they become part of your biology (actual pathways in the brain). They can be changed but it takes time and it is not easy.

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