Why don't I have a girlfriend?

[eppursimuove]

in posting here and helping others it makes me happy. makes me feel like im makeing a difference and like there might be hope for me. i feel i can be myself here. i know the risks involved. opening up opens me to the potential to be hurt. hopefully ill be able to go from online to in person someday. instead of always hideing behind my mask...

I like u ur a nice person DR, in a friendly way dont get me wrong.

Nice comment, dont be afraid to be ur self.

[Guest cokeaine]

I hate to "drag this on" like this, but I have one more thing to say.

All the people here talking about the good guy/bad guy personalities and how that applies to women... I find a sense of truth in that. It has happened to me many times before, and at the end of the night the girl leaves with the bad boy around her arm.

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/126_dating_advice.html

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_7_Reasons_Why_Women_Love_Bad_Boys_28607.html

IrmaJean, I do believe you could be the exception in this case based on what you are saying here. However, I do notice that women tend to more often than not say one thing and then do another when it comes to what they want in a male companion.

In all manners of speaking... it seems to be true. That goes for all types of human contact. Women prefer a thriller and a risk taker, biologically they seem to prefer guys who will treat them like garbage as opposed to someone who will treat them in a nice way. In almost every situation, it seems to be true.

That also goes for the guy I was describing a few posts ago who was a drug addict. He had nothing to offer the girl, except for his "bad boy" personality and she fell for it hook, line and sinker. One example of many more, but I can't say them all or else I would go on for way too long.

[Concerned1]

You are looking at this the wrong way.

Every woman is different, every woman is attracted to someone, some woman could be attracted to what you find the most repusive, badboy in history, but these are the kind of people you shouldnt be interested in.

Love will find you, you may not know it but it will, meeting girls and talking to them over time is how love goes out, all these movie scenes where you see a hot young lady come along,g ive them their mobile number then have hot steamy sex the same day is fantasy, that will rarely happen as people are shy and such.

I just say, go out clubbing if you wanna speed up this process, but i just chilled for 19 years, then realised one day someone i had known for years was someone i truly loved and we have been dating for 7 months now, that is what love it, time.

Hope this helps atall and isnt considered the ramblings of a madman.

[Guest cokeaine]

You are looking at this the wrong way.

Every woman is different, every woman is attracted to someone, some woman could be attracted to what you find the most repusive, badboy in history, but these are the kind of people you shouldnt be interested in.

Love will find you, you may not know it but it will, meeting girls and talking to them over time is how love goes out, all these movie scenes where you see a hot young lady come along,g ive them their mobile number then have hot steamy sex the same day is fantasy, that will rarely happen as people are shy and such.

I just say, go out clubbing if you wanna speed up this process, but i just chilled for 19 years, then realised one day someone i had known for years was someone i truly loved and we have been dating for 7 months now, that is what love it, time.

Hope this helps atall and isnt considered the ramblings of a madman.

I don't want to sound offensive, but.... in one of your first posts you said you were 17 going on 18, and that you "don't feel anything anymore".... how can I take advice from you?

I've already explained before that "going clubbing" is not something I want to do at all. That scene is corrupt and there are too many problems that come with it.

[Concerned1]

I don't want to sound offensive, but.... in one of your first posts you said you were 17 going on 18, and that you "don't feel anything anymore".... how can I take advice from you?

I've already explained before that "going clubbing" is not something I want to do at all. That scene is corrupt and there are too many problems that come with it.

18 Sorry, typo.

Yeah, i dont go clubbing either, im a very homey person, but others enjoy it so its a suggestion.

[IrmaJean]

I am wondering, how do you feel about yourself? Do you feel confident and content with who you are? I struggled some in the past with social anxiety and spent much of my time in school convinced that no one liked me. The reality was that no one really knew how to approach me, because I was cowering and afraid. I was actually amazed by the different responses I got from others when I presented myself with confidence and smiles. I had to force this at first, but now it comes much more naturally. I'm not afraid to interact any longer and thus have more friends. Still some work to do there, but WAY better than I was growing up. I don't know if any of that fits for you, but it might be something to consider. Do you have friends otherwise?

[Guest cokeaine]

I am wondering, how do you feel about yourself? Do you feel confident and content with who you are? I struggled some in the past with social anxiety and spent much of my time in school convinced that no one liked me. The reality was that no one really knew how to approach me, because I was cowering and afraid. I was actually amazed by the different responses I got from others when I presented myself with confidence and smiles. I had to force this at first, but now it comes much more naturally. I'm not afraid to interact any longer and thus have more friends. Still some work to do there, but WAY better than I was growing up. I don't know if any of that fits for you, but it might be something to consider. Do you have friends otherwise?

IrmaJean, my answer is sort of complicated, but I will try to spit it out:

Yes, I would say I am quite confident with myself, to others as well as on the inside. Some people even know me for having more charisma than most other people out there. So I don't think that could be a problem. I regulate my behaviour as much as I possibly can... there is not much other people could know about me at first glance other than "oh, he's an average, happy looking guy" and that's about it.

My old group of friends have slowly faded away... you know how it is, IrmaJean. Things change and all that. Now, it may seem arrogant to say, but I take a defensive position when people ask 'are you the problem'? Because, I have thought about that and come to the conclusion of, no. I can't help it when I call people or approach them and they give me angry responses back. I can't control the world or other people.

I have met new friends since then, however, they are not the same. They don't seem to be on my level, so to speak. All they want to do is talk about chicks, drinking and video games/sports, and I want more than that.

However, IrmaJean, I think the arena of friends vs the arena of girlfriends are not connected at all. One experiences a lot of activity while the other experiences absolutely none at all.

[IrmaJean]

It's great that you're confident and feel good about yourself.

They don't seem to be on my level' date=' so to speak. All they want to do is talk about chicks, drinking and video games/sports, and I want more than that.[/quote']

Maybe it takes a little longer to get to know you and you prefer more challenging, mature conversation. Sounds like another very attractive trait to me. Perhaps you have just not met a woman yet who can appreciate your depth.

I wish you well. You are self-assured and this is good. I hope you meet someone soon and share happiness. Take care.

[Guest cokeaine]

I don't see how being a drug addict makes someone a bad boy. You can be a nice person you get hooked on drugs.

I'd like to point out the reason women go for these so-called bad boys is because they're insensitive. The truth is, most of them aren't actually bad people. They just being men. Men aren't supposed to be all emotional and whiny. That's wimpy behavior and women hate that. Indifferent, aloof men often get women because they don't need a women. A woman who thinks a guy needs a woman to be happy will be turned off.

I don't want to branch off into a whole other thing about that one guy, but I'll briefly explain. The guy is a known crook and a thief. He steals from other people and beats them up and takes their money. I as well as other people have been in his house when he flips out at his parents. They live in a huge house and buy him everything he needs, he pretty much never works, has a whole part of the house to himself. He is a spoiled, self entitled thief and a brat, pretty much. I could say much worse but I don't want to stretch it.

Aside from the guy doing chemical drugs, I will add that the girl he is with is also known to be very emotionally fragile and kind of an idiot at times. She means well but she is very materialistic and shallow. The point of my explanation here is that she is just like many of the other girls in this area, as well as all around the city. And those very same types of women I described go for the very same guys I described up above.

He is known as the 'bad boy' type because of what he does. I stopped hanging around him and his other friends when I knew what they were all about. For the record they were always nice to me except at the end, however I put a stop to that. Aside from my long ramble that's the explanation.

[IrmaJean]

Men aren't supposed to be all emotional and whiny. That's wimpy behavior and women hate that.

The world is full of gray. It can really be a beautiful color. Diversity is a great thing. I don't think anyone is "supposed" to be one way or the other. We can only be ourselves. I admire a strong feeling man. Only, I don't perceive that as being "wimpy" or "whiny", I see it as a positive trait. Balance. He's in touch with his gentle and vulnerable side. That's a beautiful thing. I think in relationships, we connect with parts of ourselves in people who share similar traits and also with those who help us balance with opposite traits. Always a learning experience.

Sometimes people may be attracted to a person who reminds them of relationships from their past. This could play a role in the women who seem attracted to "bad boys," so to speak. They aren't used to being treated nicely and may be insecure themselves.

Keep an open mind and keep being yourself. Hopefully things turn around for you very soon. Take care.