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Why don't I have a girlfriend?


Guest cokeaine

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Guest cokeaine

Hi, this is my 2nd account after I had another one on here but I forgot the password and the email to it.

But anyways, this is something that is starting to bother me now. I am 19 going to be 20, and I have never had a girlfriend before in my life? I have never kissed a girl, or anything like that... ever. As I grow older it is starting to make me quite angry, because if I may speak for myself, yes I may have some problems in my life, but my life is stable and there is no feasible reason as to why women seem to pick guys who do drugs, have no jobs, and are freeloaders, as opposed to me.

I look at myself in the mirror, and in pictures, and I can't seem to find any problems physically. I am not promoting myself here, it's just that I can't seem to find out what in the world the problem is. It is something that is starting to make me very angry on a daily basis, and it is getting worse.

Reputation wise, maybe that could be a problem. I was known in high school as somewhat of a "crazy" guy and people always liked to push my buttons. However, those days are over and long gone now. So I am befuddled as to the problem here.

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I can tell u whats the problem, u whatch to much tv. Ur just 19 u have tons of years to have girlfriends, how ever the kissing part. Are u a shy person? u dont go out to much or what?

Dont search problems in ur looks dude, ur just fine u will find someone just the way u are no need to change so ppl likes u.

yea woman are weird, they like dudes that treat them like shit nothing new about that.

Why the name? u do coke?

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Guest cokeaine

Well Flander and eppurismove, people I know personally who went back as early as 13 were always having girlfriends and being involved in those activities. I remember when I was even in Grade 7, a lot of my "friends" at the time (although we aren't friends anymore, we've all moved on) were into that sort of thing. From that age up until now, they were into that stuff.

It's not a problem that really consumes me. I can live with it, it's just that everywhere around me I look, other people seem to have much more luck than me. Lol I remember hanging out with a guy, and he went into a place to use the bathroom. I was in the car with his girlfriend and she complained that he sleeps all day, doesn't have a job, has no ambitions, and does too many drugs. I asked why does she put up with that and she couldn't answer the question. Yes, I've noticed in many respects that women do seem to like guys that treat them like shit, however I have absolutely no idea why.

And lmao naw I don't do coke, this is a name I've been using on the net for years now. I started using it when I started playing Counter-Strike back in about 2003. Funny name, isn't it?

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well. this topic hits pretty close to home. lookin around seein all these happy people in relationships. even not so happy relationships that though the people were being treated badly they feared being alone. i fear that ill never be in a good relationship. in fact im pretty sure ill never be in one. but im pretty sure you have a great chance of finding someone. just try to be careful. its when you give up that you have no chance. be open to it and you never know. a relationship could find you.

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Guest ASchwartz

There are so many people who don't have boy friends and girl friends that it's really puzzling. So many men want to meet women but cannot and so many women want to meet men but cannot. And the two groups dont get together, why? What is the problem? Is it something going on in the heads of these people, some negative way of thinking about themselves that stems from the past?

allan

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Allan, this is a very good question. One of the reasons why there are so many single people in the world is that both men and women don't want to be flexible or open minded when it comes to dating. For example, couple years ago I had a blind date with some guy. We had a chemistry and very good connection. At the end of our dinner, he said that even though he likes me a lot, he is worried that it is not going to work out. When I asked him why, he said because of the distance between us which was about ....18 miles... My reply was-"Good luck finding someone next door". I've never returned his call because it was a big turn off.

Go figure...:confused:

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Guest cokeaine

Yes, but that doesn't seem to be the case with so many other people my age and that is what is confusing. Why them and not me?

I've tried being open minded many, many, MANY times, and it only ends up giving me the crappy ending of the stick pretty much. And then later on I see the same girl walking out with some guy who pretty much always fits the words I described up above.

The thing is, is that to have an "open mind", the opposing side needs to have one as well. One person can't have an open mind while the other person has an attitude problem. It's not how it works.

Besides, here in the city I live in, I must admit we are quite a depraved bunch. The local culture revolves around sex and drugs, mostly, and you can also ask anyone who lives in my city in my age group and they will tell you, yes. The only way to meet people is either through the Internet or through face to face meeting, but the problem with that is that many men and women here are mainly focused on self gratification rather than mutual benefit, and that's the problem. Unless you're willing to "enjoy" a materialistic relationship, then it's hard finding someone. Many other people have expressed these same points, although I cannot speak for them here.

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Guest cokeaine

Lol, if I do that then I'll just be viewed as 'desperate'. I know some guys who have tried that and it only ended in misery for them.

Also, on another note, can an admin approve my account now? I've seen a lot of threads where I want to respond and help the other people but I can't.

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desperate asking someone to introduce u to a girl that he/she knows?? picking up a girl in a cafe a library or what ever desperate??

u dont have u to do all the the same time i was just giving u ideas.

ended in misery for them, whaaattt? lol ur answer is way funnier than mine.

is there a girl u like? just go and ask her out. worst thing that can happend is a "no" for an answer. u wont look desperate u fool.

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Allan, this is a very good question. One of the reasons why there are so many single people in the world is that both men and women don't want to be flexible or open minded when it comes to dating. For example, couple years ago I had a blind date with some guy. We had a chemistry and very good connection. At the end of our dinner, he said that even though he likes me a lot, he is worried that it is not going to work out. When I asked him why, he said because of the distance between us which was about ....18 miles... My reply was-"Good luck finding someone next door". I've never returned his call because it was a big turn off.

Go figure...:confused:

18 miles isn't too bad. Didn't he have a car?

I know many people say that bars aren't a good place to meet singles, but if that's not the case, where is a good place?

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Yes, you should definitely listen to Eppursimuove . He is a real expert when it comes to dating.:)

Besides, here in the city I live in, I must admit we are quite a depraved bunch. The local culture revolves around sex and drugs, mostly, and you can also ask anyone who lives in my city in my age group and they will tell you, yes. The only way to meet people is either through the Internet or through face to face meeting, but the problem with that is that many men and women here are mainly focused on self gratification rather than mutual benefit, and that's the problem. Unless you're willing to "enjoy" a materialistic relationship, then it's hard finding someone.

Do you live in LA, by any chance? That sounds so familiar :)

You absolutely right that unfortunately, it is almost impossible to meet someone, and that is why so many people prefer online dating option. I can write a poem about my experiences. A sad one. I think Match.com wanted to give me a lifetime membership because they felt so sorry for me (kidding). On a more serious note, keep your options open and you will meet someone special. You sound like some one who has a lot to offer.

You should be able to post on other forums.

Flander, he did, have a car. Even if he didn't, he could have used a bicycle or scooter.

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Guest cokeaine

eppursimuove, the context in which I am posting applies to those people. When I say it 'ended in misery', it is not complicated. They tried what you suggested, and it failed. As a result, they were in an even worse position than before they started off.

The area in which I am referring to is Ottawa city as well as the surrounding suburbs of Ottawa. I live in one of the suburbs of Ottawa. I could have sold myself out and went to a local brothel (read: massage parlour), I could have went on a dating/sex site, or I could have even paid for a prostitute. A lot of guys my age have all done these things frequently. But I want to be legit.

There is no difference between the city life and the suburb life when it comes to women. Most of my life, I have lived in the city and it is exactly the same. Ugh, what a drag!

And also, I don't mean to press the issue here, but I still cannot post.

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that is why so many people prefer online dating option. I can write a poem about my experiences. A sad one. I think Match.com wanted to give me a lifetime membership because they felt so sorry for me (kidding).
I did get a lifetime membership from one of their competitors. I think I"ve been on there for 7 years now. The personality test that eHarmony has people fill out indicated that I'm in the 5-10% of people their "matching software" doesn't know how to deal with, so they won't let me create a profile.
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But then again, how do you meet someone? :confused:

ive been asking myself that question for a while. theres this line that all my female friends say to me after we have been friends for a while. "you not my type but i know that someday you will make someone very happy." i feel that my problem is that im too nice. (yes that is a problem many people (from what ive noticed mostly guys) have) its not like they (depending on male female perspective) think oh this person is too nice therefore im not interested. its like ill do just about anything for people. its a defense thing. if i openly give and give then ill avoid confrontation. i dont stand up for myself or people i just met. there are very few friends i have that i would stand up for. its do to the fact that i fear violence but how its perceived is that im easily manipulated. and no one wants to be with a person like that. its good to be nice but not to be too nice. dosnt answer how to meet someone but thats all i came up with. could it be that could be part of the problem in not being able to meet people in your aria?

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Women are probably the worst people in the world to ask for advice on how to get dates women. Women say one thing but often want another.

Interesting philosophy.....

May I ask you how you came to this conclusion?

I think if you really like a girl in a romantic way then do not be her friend first. The girl will just see you as nothing more then a friendship.

As long as there is a physical chemistry between the two, there is a pretty good chance that the friendship will turn into something else :)

Don't be a nice guy, that's basically a doormat. Don't be sensitive, it's not good acting all soppy around a woman, it makes you look like a fool and it turns them off.

That is such a stereotype!!!!! Women don't take 'bad guys" seriously. If you are looking just for one or two dates, then you can pretend to be as mean as you possible can, but if you want a more serious relationship, then my advice-no games, just be yourself.

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Don't be a nice guy, that's basically a doormat. Don't be sensitive, it's not good acting all soppy around a woman, it makes you look like a fool and it turns them off.

Every person is an individual and all of us admire different qualities in others. I love sensitivity in a man. I think it demonstrates a security with the self and a gentle side that I always appreciate. Attractive, from my perspective.

I think if you really like a girl in a romantic way then do not be her friend first. The girl will just see you as nothing more then a friendship.

I actually believe that being friends first is a very healthy way to take things to the next step, if both parties are willing and available. "Love is friendship caught on fire." I don't recall who wrote this quote or where I read it, but this can certainly be true.

Try not to fret, coke, you're still very young at 19. I never dated anyone until that age and then ended up marrying him. :) I met him only because I had gone out of my way to be closer to another person I had a huge crush on. funny how things work out sometimes. Try to keep your mind open to the possibilities. Go out and be social, strike up conversations, smile, and enjoy yourself. This is a good place to start. Take care.

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I don't think low self-esteem can be equated with not actually being nice. I have struggled with low self-esteem too...and still do at times. We are always working on ourselves, DR. I've seen you offering support here to others. That's a wonderful trait. I hope you are able to feel that positive energy.

Take care.

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in posting here and helping others it makes me happy. makes me feel like im makeing a difference and like there might be hope for me. i feel i can be myself here. i know the risks involved. opening up opens me to the potential to be hurt. hopefully ill be able to go from online to in person someday. instead of always hideing behind my mask...

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