How best to Support a grieving friend

[JaiJai]

one of my closest friends called at 6 this morning to say "My Dad was killed in a collision yesterday, I just wanted you to know."

I feel immobilized. I desperately want to be as supportive and helpful as i can, but also dont want to interfere with her families grieving or privacy. Any thoughts on what is the best way to help her?, perspectives? I am bumbbling all over the place...what should i be doing?

Edited December 17, 2011 by JaiJai

[eppursimuove]

be with ur friend for a while, just be u.

[Lana73]

It is the best not to say anything because you can't possibly know what your friends is feeling. Just offer any kind of help. When my husband passed away, I hated when people would tell me..

"Oh..at least he is not suffering" or "Everything happens for a reason, you don't know what the reason is right now, but you will eventually find out"

This one I hated the most- " Time will heal"

So, my advice- just be there for your friend. That's all that matters.

Sorry about your friend's loss.

[IrmaJean]

I am so sorry this happened.

I would say be there for her and with her and be yourself. Listen and acknowledge her emotions. Support her in the place she's in. Ask her what she needs from you. Grief is different for everyone and there are bound to be a lot of emotions. I think it helps to know others care and are listening.

[DarknessRules]

i remember when my dad was hit by a car. i was hurting. you see at the time i couldnt cry no matter what happened. that event almost made me cry... i all but stopped talkin to my friends and withdrew into myself. but they were there and they let me know it in there own ways. when i was ready i talked to them about it and they offered there support. my suggestion is that you do the same. show your friend that you are there for her and when she is ready she will open up and accept your help. just look for the little signs of reaching out. and try not to rush into things. you can only help someone if they really want to be helped. thats my suggestion.

[Jenna520]

I agree with the posts above. Lana is correct when she say's "Time will heal" is definitely something that gets a negative response, rather than offer support. When my brother passed away, something I was hurt by was the lack of support around me. No one sent cards or came to ask me how I was doing, therefore I felt like no one cared about me enough to care if I was hurting. Give your friend some days to grieve privately, maybe a few days after the funeral they will be ready for some company, but let them know you are there even if it's with a simple text message, email, or a one minute phone call. My roughest times were night time, I think once night falls, it gives a person more time to reflect and think, triggering the grief. Let them know you're there no matter what time of day. Just having your support and knowing you're there will be so much comfort to your friend. As stated above, everyone reacts differently to grief. Some need normal support, some need extra sensitive care and support. A shoulder to cry can't hurt either.

[JaiJai]

Thank you for all of your thoughtful suggestions and advice. I'm sorry you've each had such painful personal experiences with losing loved ones. I do appreciate this insight, and i hope i can be a better with your help. much thanks all