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Sorry, I'm back.


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^ That's a sincere apology, I hate posting here where anyone can see but I need someone to see, and since I've got posts floating around somewhere here wherein what I say makes me look like a sick person, there's little harm in adding more.

Bad depression, suicidal feelings, out comes the anger and desire to kill people and eat them. I don't even care about the depression anymore, it's never going away and I haven't killed myself yet, what do I care. I'm pathetic.

I need to tell someone in real life but I can't. I tried. I hint at it. I dance around the subject. I lightly touch on it in what if scenarios and then say I'm just curious. I'm largely alone, one girl texts me on a daily basis to talk about whatever inane subjects she reserves for me.

I want to ask her if we're friends or Friends and if it's okay for me to bring up a heavy subject, like, say, problems with mental health, provided I keep it free of melodrama, but I already foresee this as being stupid.

She's a real person. Next to her I look like one of the hollow people I'm half convinced don't actually exist. I have nothing to gain and a lot to lose by bringing it up.

Why can't I just keep it bottled? What do I do?

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Why can't I just keep it bottled? What do I do?

I think you already know why you can't just keep it bottled up. If you actually don't why it's that you'll eventually blow a gasket and go on a homicidal rampage. You already know what to do. Dial 911 and tell them about the issues you're having.

It's standard common sense.

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Hello, Filum,

I'm sorry you feel this way :(... I know it's very hard to reach out and call for help. It's natural that you feel a need not to keep it bottled anymore. We all need to share what brings us suffering, we all need to be heard and understood... and sometimes we need help, even professional help.

I don't know if it would be a good idea to talk about this issue with that girl. You might ask her about the friendship issue to be sure/more sure about the character of the realtionship - that would be probably good. You might tell her you have some mental health issues - as depression, ... but I wouldn't recommend to talk about the desire to kill people. This is serious and needs to be shared with a professional. The only think a girl could give you is... a bad feeling that you scared her or you could even lost her. But professionals are here to help. You don't have to call 911, there are several other possibilities to get help. But, please, choose one and get the help you need and desire... :)

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  • 7 months later...

umm this is a very unusuall... have you been to see someone? a pshycologist? someone you could talk to. I think the words you used were real person?? physcologists are real people too the diffrence between them and your friend they can help? go to your doctor and explain if you feel this way you could hurt someone.... hope you get the help u need :)

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