I don't know what to do..

[EnochSunrise]

My boyfriend just left to go catch the last bus to go to a friend's place because she is in need of support. But I'm also in a crisis right now too. Well after he left out the front door i broke down crying even more and i lost it and ended up hurting myself because i felt like if he doesn't care then i don't care. but now i don't know what to do. he's going to be so upset that i hurt myself over this. so i can't tell him. at least i can't tell him right now, he can't even come back since he took the last bus downtown. and i don't even have a phone to call the urgent help line for my therapist's office.

[devils daughter]

I hope it helped to have this forum to post to? Are you feeling better now? Sometimes when I have been in crisis I feel like there’s something I have to do, or that I have to talk with someone, RIGHT NOW. If you’re feeling better now, or sometime when you are feeling OK, can you think of something that you could do to calm the anxiety, beside talking to someone or hurting yourself?

What I mostly did was pace inside the house or obsessively write in a journal about how I was feeling.

I haven’t taken the class but I do have the DBT skills training book. Is that something which you and your therapist are considering or have considered? For the next time, maybe, that a crisis hits?

Here’s one link to an article about DBT on the Mental Health Net:

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=37701&cn=91

[EnochSunrise]

I've gone to dbt and have my notebook, but i'm way past control. and no i'm not doing better my bf was home for all of half an hour before he had to leave again, i've been left alone to pretty much cry and let my anger build and build, he's also going to be gone for the night with her again. i'm pretty much on my own since i don't have friends. or at least the one friend i do have i can't talk to about this because she's the reason he's gone. i'm completely screwed, and the more i message him i just make him more upset.. i'm thinking about suicide now too. i feel so abandoned and it sucks that she needs him more than me because she has a little girl at risk.

[devils daughter]

Being on your own is really hard. Some people are loners but most of us need people, at least sometime. If we had a supportive family growing up then sometimes we can internalize that support and aren’t so much on our own, even when we are alone. At least that’s according to what I have read. But it sounds like your boyfriend and your friend with the little girl are all you have.

Apart from your feelings of panic, what else is causing you to feel in crisis at the moment? We know about your concern about getting an accurate diagnosis – or at least one which is in the ballpark so that you can start to get the help that you need. What else is there that you are anxious about? You mentioned earlier that you have two children in foster care. Is that a concern at the moment?

[EnochSunrise]

they are outside what i am going through right now. they barely register as a blip. i love them but right now it feels like that i am such a horrible person. not even my bf is willing to stay to help me when i need it most. i feel like everyone might be better off without me around. with all my anxiety i can't work i can barely leave the apartment, so all i end up doing is sitting around the house and doing what little cleaning can be done. i feel pretty much useless and like dead weight. i feel that it might suck for him for a little bit he'll get over it if i did kill myself. and my kids are young so it'll be less hard on them.

[devils daughter]

Wow, do I know that feeling. My children are adults but when I was going over everything several years ago it seemed the same to me. For 9 months like that. I could argue with you about the kids and boyfriend but I know how it is. It probably wouldn’t register either.

What can I do here to help? You said in the previous message that you feel so abandoned. My issues have had more to do with feeling rejected than abandoned but they’re kind of similar. We end up feeling bad, then like we ARE bad, then we become needy and angry and, well, who wants to be around that?

Seems like if we understand all that then someone could wave a magic wand and fix it. But it doesn’t seem to work that way.

Here’s an idea – may not help, but I’ll toss it out. What would you like to do when you get well. Not if, when?

And sometime, maybe, I’d like to hear more about the job that you got laid off of (do I have that right?) because it sounded like you were doing pretty well for a while there. It might be interesting to hear about what went well there.

[Tsunami]

then we become needy and angry and, well, who wants to be around that?

Nobody wants to be around that, including the person experiencing it. Why accept something when you can so easily reject it?

[finding my way]

We work on difficult feelings because simply rejecting them doesn't work in the long run. They tend to come back.

Also, there can be some pretty important information to learn in our neediness and anger, and the ability to listen in to this part of us can be a sign of health.

I'm not saying it is easy.

[Tsunami]

I agree, it is't easy. Accepting these emotions is of utmost importance in healing. I get frustrated at times because I have intense emotions and my FOO can't deal with them and doesn't want to be around them. People can find techniques to deal with their emotions on their own, there are dbt sites that provide information. The problem is that the core problem, I don't know about the OP but am just using my knowledge of myself, is that no one was around to help us deal with our emotions and we were left alone. Being left alone with intense emotions made me feel like I was nothing, that I didn't matter, that I was forgettable. So, IMO, it's great to have skills to deal with the emotions, but in order to heal, there needs to be some authority figure (therapist probably) that wants to help and be there when the person is in crisis. If this happenes, it will be a corrective experience, and the emotions will lessen in intensity knowing that someone is there to help. In time, the person will be able to deal with his/her emotions on their own or with the help of dbt skills, etc. This is how I believe healing happens.

[finding my way]

Well said!