Theguynextdoor Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 I can not take it any more...I try and try.... Ending my own life sounds real great right about now, I even thought of some ways I would do it, the mental image beckons to me, whispering sweet words of relief and peace into my mind. I work hard, showed all my love and dedication to one women and one only and how am I replayed? Laid off from work, and she cheated on me three times. Life is not worth living when it is this hard, the crooks and mean spited people have it easy but I suppose the good hearted people just get shit on. The world would not miss some one like me NO ONE CARES. Family nope, friends, ex'es no one....I have no one I know what it feels like to be truly alone to hit that rock bottom, I am nothing more then a bottom feeder now, sucking off the scraps of others to survive, a burden to the very essences of life its self. I cry most of the time now, my eyes burn from the tears of my shame..of what I have become and what I use to be. Funny to think..what I use to be. A man of respect and honor, now look at me spilling my guts over the internet to even more people who do not care...why waste the time why...just why... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lana73 Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Hi Theguynextdoor,Sorry that you are hurting so much There are people who care. I am here and listening. Do you have anything positive in your life, something that brings you joy and comfort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theguynextdoor Posted March 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 As of right now just this bottle of rum, it numbs my emotions and makes me feel good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Hi, guynextdoor. My name is Beth. I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. There are people who care. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings. It's okay to do that. We're here to support you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 I understand the pain of feeling that no one cares. There’s a lot of that going around these days. So a lot of us have ended up here on the internet, too. Thank goodness for that! A lot of us know the pain of wanting to end it all, too.Have you checked out your issues with any professionals? Are you still in college? Maybe you have a student health service counselor that you could see? Your feelings are, unfortunately, not so uncommon among young adults. Or older adults either. But there is help sometimes. Most times, even, though it sometimes takes a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theguynextdoor Posted March 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 I am trying to fight off these thoughts, but they just keep on coming back nagging me.... And then I think of how easy it would be to finish my self off, how simple and quick. No one would know where I am at I would die alone, as for am i now. Alone a by my self. The temptation of a premature death is getting harder to ignore, but who can I trust? A "professional" they will just label me crazy, but a mark in my records and send me off to be studied like some kinda lab rat at a mental ward. I saw her face today in my dreams the pain redefined, Anger, sorrow, a cocktail of emotions paying tricks on my mind. The voice of realife called to me, he is not some one I want to listen to, his sweet words are laced with hate and pain, but then again why do they seem so logical. If I am in pain and suffering why not end it, like a wounded animal just bury one in my skull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Put everything in a scale and do something to keep it even. Dont let the wrong side go up so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theguynextdoor Posted March 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 Easy for you to say, the thoughts are still there but at least self mutilation and alchoile is helping to suppresses them. I look like trash right now, havent shaved in a week nor do I care any more. The darkness is my friend, I just lay here most of the time lost in my own world....hate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 Is there someone you can call, guynextdoor? There is a way out of the depression you're feeling, but you may not be able to do it alone. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Can you phone for help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stigmabegone Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Please don't give up, FIGHT! Don't let the corporate world or your ex define who you are. I'm sure you have many great qualities, focus on those and show everyone how strong and magnificent you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theguynextdoor Posted April 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2012 Late night something unique happened to me. I heard a knock at the door, it seemed all most unreal for I had not had a visitor in weeks. I answered the door, it was a female it took me a little to recognize who she was. Turns out she my old high school crush, (We dated for close to a year back then). She took one look at me and knew something was not right, well she would have to be blind not notice how I looked or held my disposition. I asked her kindly to leave, she ignore me and kindly forced her self in? I suppose that is how I would describe it. She kept on insisting that we talk, she was pretty presistant about it. About 2hrs later and much resistant and bitterness later I broke down and spilled my guts to her, I..cried although I did not want to, I asked her if she thought I was weak, She simply flashed me a smile, it felt warm to look at, I looked into her steel blue eyes, I saw my own reflection in her puplies, how horrid I looked, Lost weight, hair a mess, looking like a street bum. She simply just hugged me, I tried to pull away but she squeezed harder and would not let me go. It had seem human touch was like a plaug on my body, it seemed to burn a bit, at the same time it just felt good, I could feel her raw emotions, I felt in my heart she really cared for me. A smile broke out across my face, was it possible that I was..dare I say happy, what seemed like years trapped in the prison of my own emotions was she the key to release me from it all? We talked for a bit more, and little by little it seemed my bitterness and self loathing began to fade away. She made me shower, and shave, well more like she ordered me to. As I began to shower it seems like the water as it cascaded over my body seemed to wash away what was left of the negative emotions that was festering inside of me still. As I shaved, with each stroke of the razor across my face I began to look...and feel kinda like my old self once more, I dressed my self nice afters. Then we went out for a nice dinner...it was nice the world seemed to be a bit brighter, the smells of the food, sweeter, it was like I was reborn a new man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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