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Am Wondering


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Hello. I am a 42 yr old female. Since I have been married (24 yrs) I've always had other men come after me. I don't know why this is. I hold no fortune/fame. I'm a very plain person. This has always perplexed me. Some of the men have been married. I never know how to respond to this. I don't put myself in any situations for them to come after me. It just happens. I tell this to my husband. I don't know if he's jealous or doesn't care. Can someone answer these questions as why this is happening to me? Thank you.

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Hi, meyou.

Do you mean the men are flirting with you? Is it possible you have positive traits that you don't give yourself credit for? If there are unwanted advances and flirtations, have you tried firmly telling the men no? Does wearing a wedding ring help at all?

Take care.

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Men are always flirting with me. Single/married men. I am an extremely positive person. I always wear my band but it doesn't phase them. I don't know why some men are intimidated by me. I can be a powerful person when I want to be and when that happens they seem to love that. Maybe because I'm secure about my oneself? I don't know. I feel like I sometimes intimidate my husband not abusive however some other way. He says I don't but I can tell he is lying. I don't know. I am not coming down on myself at all. I love me/my body. It just perplexes me. Women are extremely jealous of me. Again not sure why. Its all so odd. :rolleyes:

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I am an extremely positive person.

That's wonderful! :rolleyes:

Maybe because I'm secure about my oneself?

This is a very attractive trait' date=' yes, so it's a good possibility.

I love me/my body. It just perplexes me. Women are extremely jealous of me. Again not sure why. Its all so odd. :)

It's great that you love yourself and your body. Good for you! :) Jealousy may stem from others wishing they felt the same about themselves or wishing they were getting the same amount of attention from men as you seem to. What's important is how you feel about yourself. You can't control how others respond. Their responses are about them. Take care.

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Meyou, I had to wonder: you've been married since you were about 18, so do you have a basis to compare whether men are "after" you more as a married woman than as a single one? Perhaps men are actually less interested than they would be if you were single ...

As for why they're interested, I suppose I'd conclude as IrmaJean did, that you're attractive. Is it difficult for you to feel that way? You don't say much about how you feel when men are attracted to you, except to call it a "curse". Does it cause you trouble, in your life?

Too, I was interested by the sudden switch to the perception that men are intimidated by you, and that it might be related to attraction ("they seem to love that.") Are those concepts related, for you?

I'm not sure that we are usually good judges of how other people react to us. There's always that extra layer of filtering that goes on during the process of perceiving their reaction. Have you tried checking your belief about people's reactions to you by asking them?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi malign thank you for your response. I had some time to think about it. You know I've come to the conclusion that maybe they like me because I'm a good listener. I have always had that trait. I don't judge them for their thoughts. And maybe it makes them comfortable so they continue to talk to me. They say very nice things to me like your beautiful etc. And to be honest it is nice to hear because I don't get that at home. So maybe that's where I get the "why are men always after me" thought. I never knew how much folks crave things. Like love, affection, sharing fantasies/fetishes, etc. And so while they continue to share these thoughts; maybe in their mind they would like things to develop because they know the person they are sharing this with will make them feel comfortable.

Men always want someone to share their fantasies/fetishes with. I try to have them not cross the boundary line with me. I go whoa this should be between you and your whoever.

It just seems to me that men are intimidated by me because maybe I am comfortable with myself. I don't push myself on anyone. I just know what I want. I love my body and I love me.

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