medlem Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) It's not a part of me, it's inside me and destroying me OR my life. People die of it, can live with it tooHow esle should i call itMy old person or big part of me doesn't let me be. Fighting it paralizes me, totally. It could destroy my new and absolutely perfect private life. I see it how it has to be and i want it to be like that. But this old me.. Kind of harsh, sarcastic, angry and impulsive diva. Controle freak that wants to be independent. Makes me so restless, fighting it - tense in my mind etc. In the result i get paralized, unable to function. But atleast.. not doing anything stupit.. :/Sometimes i feel like what a heck.. "let's get the "party" started". Yeah, it's hard to resist it, but i refuse from this craziness.I have experience with it. It's not good at all, can't live like that. you end up deep down, depressed and still crazy.I'm blessed to have this man in my life who makes me to want to settle down, live normal life. I feel nice when i can communicate with someone mature.otherwise, it's better i get some extra support someday soon hopefully. some nice dellicious pills Looking forward to happy ending. Edited May 18, 2012 by medlem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medlem Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 So.., cangratulations, today i'm dieing again. I want to escape from this. I'm looking for a way out in my mind. And i came to a thought.. I could live in rehabilitation center for couple years..Why am i so weak..!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 Ever tried meditation or breathing exercises to help calm yourself, Medlem? I don't know if it might help, but possibly it would.Why am i so weak..!? All of us have times of being vulnerable. That's part of what makes us human. I hope you will not judge yourself, but rather offer yourself compassion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medlem Posted May 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 I spend my time in bed all the time. I have no peace and can't get no rest. My heart is beating. I'm not thinking about nothing.. I can't concentrate on nothing, no meditation.I can't excersise, i can't do nothing and i can't sleep either. I'm going up and down all the time this is 2nd time today when i feel so awful. Though, in general i sleep very much, at day times and night times, still when i'm awake, i can't get no rest.I need to hang in. But the question is how do i do that..? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted May 19, 2012 Report Share Posted May 19, 2012 It sounds to me like IJ’s idea may be in the ballpark, that is, in the general area of something useful? And also – maybe one way that you that you already have to help you hang in is posting here on MHN?! What other ways might you find to fill the time when you can’t do nothing?What works for me probably won’t work for you but here’s what I can depend on: (1) petting my cats, (2) working in my yard – pulling weeds, loading and pushing the wheelbarrow or lawnmower, etc. , (3) lying on the sofa and staring out the window and NOT beating up on myself about that.It took me a long time to realize that when I was having a bad day I needed to find things to help me keep calm, and I didn’t need to be worrying about what I couldn’t do, because worrying didn’t help me do them and it just made me feel worse.Don't know if this applies to you or not -- just an idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medlem Posted May 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) This is deleted thread that got dublicated Edited May 20, 2012 by medlem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medlem Posted May 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Thank you IJ and thank you DD.! I apreciate everything!No need to make me calm anymore, feeling much better.I started taking more of prozac, i take 3 pills per day now. And that's what i obviously needed! i'm feeling good.But one thing still bugs me. There are many small things that i'd love to do, but i can only imagine myself doing that.. I don't leave home though the weather is so nice now, i simply don't want to do nothing. It was better if i was by the computer atm, but i type always from mobilephone so i can be in bed, i can't imagine me sitting by the computer. I WANT to do things but i don't manage to movesorry for my shifting moods, i couldn't ansver to you, IJ, in a nicer way the other time. It was craNow i really look forward to getting better somehow.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils daughter Posted May 21, 2012 Report Share Posted May 21, 2012 Oops, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to imply that your reply to IJ wasn’t nice! It just seemed that you were still distressed and so maybe couldn’t focus on what she was saying, and maybe it would help to take another look at the general kind of thing she was talking about. But maybe that wasn’t my place or, at any rate, it certainly wasn’t a very helpful thing for me to say if you thought I was criticizing you!! Very sorry, my bad. But I’m very glad that you are feeling good and looking forward to getting even better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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