The year is affecting my behavior

[adrenalinejunkie]

Hello,

I just need to get this off my chest. Basically, since the year 2009, I feel like I cannot live my life properly because of the year we live in. It's very frustrating, but basically I feel that all existence including mine has degraded because of the year we live in. It has affected my sleep, relationships and the way I view myself as well.

I am serious, you will have to bear with me here. Basically, I have this deep-seeded mental attitude that stipulates that because it's 2012, I will not be able to enjoy anything anymore, and from now everything will be bland, bitter and monotonous. I have tried many times to 'push' my way out of it, each time I make some progress and then slip back. I mean I have a hard time forming relationships these days because of the year 2012. Even just thinking of the years 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 make me a little bit physically sick.

I try to go see a movie, or work out, or see old friends, or enjoy an old game I used to play, and what is running through my mind??? You cannot enjoy any of this BECAUSE IT'S 2012!!!! It's driving me nuts!!

And no - this has nothing to do with the 2012 doomsday theories.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, adrenaline.

A few thoughts came to mind as I was reading your post. I'm wondering what do you feel might happen if you did feel joy and contentment? Can you think of a purpose for this fear? Do you experience intrusive thoughts in other aspects of your life?

I can imagine this must be very distressful to you. Likely it prevents you from being inside the moment. Letting go and simply being can be frightening, but it can be freeing as well.

Take care.

[malign]

Hi AJ.

So, did something happen in 2008? You carefully eliminate certain possible reasons for your fixation on the calendar year, but you don't supply any reason of your own (and yours is the only one that matters.) I have no difficulty with believing you're serious; and besides, it doesn't hurt me if you're not. But you haven't given us much help in understanding how this all started. Or is that something you're not sure of, yourself?

It probably won't hurt to keep in mind that the number we assign to the year is essentially completely arbitrary, based as it is on a date of birth that we're not even sure of. Or that the true orbital period of the Earth isn't an integral number of planetary rotations, or even a constant, so that anything involved with calendars is an approximation wrapped in an arbitrary choice.

[adrenalinejunkie]

I was going to try the multiquote but it doesn't seem to work.

IrmaJean - well, first, I would be amazed that I am feeling such things in the first place - and then boom, the 2012 thing kicks in. I cannot come up with any reason as to why I feel this way, it's so odd. Perhaps, maybe, I've had some type of problem with my brain, and I don't know I had it, and I have had it since then but I've been putting off finding out what that brain problem is? That could be one issue, but I'm not sure of that. I guess I could say I face other intrusive mental roadblocks in my life, but those are easy to shrug off and eventually defeat - but this stupid obsession with the years just will not go away.

Malign,

Nothing happened in 2008. It was a good year that was pretty quiet. I do not supply any reason of my own because I cannot find one; that is why I came here and asked for help from other people. I felt the need to point out I was being serious because to me it just sounds ridiculous, a stupid thing to worry about and obsess over.

I guess I have the same thing as those people who believe that, for instance, the numbers '13' and '33' have some significant meaning. I myself have always wondered, how exactly do we know what year it really is? I have always assumed that the calendar was just a way for humans to keep track of the date and time that we believe it to be - and that we really have no clue as to the actual year we live in. But the numbers themselves bother me, especially knowing we live in them.

[IrmaJean]

But the numbers themselves bother me' date=' especially knowing we live in them.[/quote']

We don't really live in the numbers, though, right? Dates and time are a medium we use to help us make sense of the world we live in and to help us organize our lives. They don't reflect on who we are as human beings. What is it about the numbers that bothers you?

[malign]

Well, I don't know if you'd call it a "brain problem", exactly, but it might be worthwhile to see a professional about these thoughts. You have ideas and attitudes that you don't really know the reason for, and they're interfering with your life. To me, that's the exact time to reach out for help.

One thought I do have is that you don't actually have a belief that the year number is significant, like the number '13'. This is more like starting with 13 and going on to 14 and 15 and 16 ... It's more like a thought sequence, along the lines of "Nothing is ever going to go right" (which is a common enough thought for depressed people, for instance), followed by "Why not?" (which is actually a very reasonable question), and then jumping to an unlikely but for you extremely convincing reason, "Because of the year." It doesn't really matter which year; the need is to answer "why not" so that the belief in the original thought can continue.

[adrenalinejunkie]

"Brain problem" sounds extremely vague, but I was thinking more along the lines of some type of brain cancer, or perhaps mental illness in my genetics that became activated?

[adrenalinejunkie]

We don't really live in the numbers, though, right? Dates and time are a medium we use to help us make sense of the world we live in and to help us organize our lives. They don't reflect on who we are as human beings. What is it about the numbers that bothers you?

I'm not sure, but you explained dates and times pretty well in that post. It makes me feel a bit more at ease.

Well, I don't know if you'd call it a "brain problem", exactly, but it might be worthwhile to see a professional about these thoughts. You have ideas and attitudes that you don't really know the reason for, and they're interfering with your life. To me, that's the exact time to reach out for help.

One thought I do have is that you don't actually have a belief that the year number is significant, like the number '13'. This is more like starting with 13 and going on to 14 and 15 and 16 ... It's more like a thought sequence, along the lines of "Nothing is ever going to go right" (which is a common enough thought for depressed people, for instance), followed by "Why not?" (which is actually a very reasonable question), and then jumping to an unlikely but for you extremely convincing reason, "Because of the year." It doesn't really matter which year; the need is to answer "why not" so that the belief in the original thought can continue.

Well, apparently some schizophrenic people have belief in the power of numbers to the point where everywhere they see a certain number, they think it has a hidden meaning. Whenever I see '2012' or such I feel it has a hold over me. That's what I meant, that maybe I have a problem to the point where I am on the same level as the schizos who believe that 33 is a magic number sent to them by an alien species. At this point, it seems like that.

[Zoomed]

"Well, apparently some schizophrenic people have belief in the power of numbers to the point where everywhere they see a certain number, they think it has a hidden meaning. Whenever I see '2012' or such I feel it has a hold over me. That's what I meant, that maybe I have a problem to the point where I am on the same level as the schizos who believe that 33 is a magic number sent to them by an alien species. At this point, it seems like that."

It seems as though you believe you have schizophrenic tendancies. Why is that? Has someone suggested this to you? Are you seeing a counselor or psychiatrist now? Does in anyone in your family suffer from schizophrenia? I would also be curious to know how affected by "externals" you feel: for instance, does the weather or certain physical locations seem to have an impact on your mood?

In a way, your problem is a fascinating one. I'm sure it doesn't feel that way, but how unique a way of experiencing the world you have! Another question you might want to ask yourself is: what does hanging your problems on a numerical peg do for you? I know, it probably doesn't feel like it's doing anything, besides drive you nuts. But it might be doing something for you, on a very deep level.

What would it mean if none of your problems were at all connected to the given year? I know that right now it feels that way, but just imagine for moment what it would mean if they weren't; that you had inrefutable proof that they weren't. What, then, would your feelings be?

Best, Z