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Im a 22 year old female that is suffering deeply with unwanted sexual thoughts towards my 5 yr old nephew. When i was11 i molestated a 2 yr old, and i felt terrible about it and knew it was so wrong so i tpld my mother. And she said not to worry aboit ot, that it was hormones and exploring at my age. I started having problems wheb i was 17 again.. i had unwated sexual thoughts and images of hurting, molestatong little kids, i went to couseling for 3 months and was told i have post tramatic syndrom, ocd, bypolar and depressed. I got over my situation with medicine and couseling. I stopped taking my medicine and when i was 18 i started having the same unwated thoughts. Ever since every month or so these thoughts come and go and sometimes last 2 weeks or even more. This time its be going on for a month and my thoughts are only towards my 5 year old nephew. One day we was naked and idk if it set it pff pr not, but i havent slept right and all day and night i have thess unwated thoughts. I know ots my own mind, so why am i having these again and why only towards him? Im scaed to death, i never have felt these before, i avoid him at all cost, vausd my mind just tells me i wanna do all these things and that it will arouse me. i hate this, my little nephew is my world, what is wrong with me? Is this how a pedo starts off? Or is this my ocd all over again? Help me get pver this plz, i have a wonderdul boyfiend who i love and he understands my troubles, but iy is ruining my sex life with him. I cant habe sex, drink or anytjing cause it terrifies me in what will get these thoughts. I kmow they are not real thoights, but they feel real. iwanna do this withoit medication, i have for years, but this time its not goong away. Id never ever ever touch him or any other kid, i know ots wrong, plz help me? Is this my pocd again? Or am i really a pedofile?

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Hello, welcome to our community! :)

It's surely good you've joined and are calling for help. I hope you'll find here a support and new insights you need. However, we cannot help you with diagnoses and treatment - we can only say your questions need to be faced with a professional. It might me the OCD, it might be pedophilia, as well as both. What's the most important is how this all affects your life, no matter how we call the cause/disease. And it's ruining your everyday life and your relationships (with your bf and family, at least the nephew). It's important to fight it soon as it may get worse and worse and less easily treatable in time :(.

Why do you want to avoid medication so much? Why don't you start a new therapy knowing that the situation became so bad again? Were your previous experiences with treatment so unpleasant? I think this is one of the topics you could 'explore' here in more details as there are quite many people among us who were or are in therapy and take or have taken meds, some also struggling with pedophilia and/or unwanted thoughts. You might want to read 'a success story' about a 17-18 y.o. boy attracted to children who's been in a successful therapy and still posts here about his progress, it's here (he also has a blog here, on this site):

http://www.mentalsup...please-help-me/

Take care!

L.

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I caled my therapist whos a family friend and she told md that if i am not attracted to any kids, and havent been attracted to my nephew since the incident of him being naked.. that since it broughg back the other times of me being scared that im not a pedofile, it simply means that the incident scared me and broughg back all these unwanted secual thoughts cause of my terrible ocd. Im soo thankful im not the only one who has went through this.. somedays i have no thoughts, and the next they are all day. Pedofiles arent scared of there attracted, my therapist imformed me.. she said the only way ill gey over this, is by having kids of my own. I dont wanna gst on medicine again cause i trust in god, i know he can help cure me along with my help. Pocd is rough, but just like everyomd else, we all have unexplainable troubles. We do im fact control our thought process. im actually studying phschology in order to help ppl like me and to help children.

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I know im not a pedofile cause i can be around othr kids and have no sexual thoughts.. pedofiles are attracted to kids, not One kid! As he grows older i know that this will all stop.. its scary and thats why my ocd comes bacl stronger each other.. i think of it as the devil telling me unwated things causd hes testing me and god.

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Pedofiles arent scared of there attracted, my therapist imformed me.. she said the only way ill gey over this, is by having kids of my own.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. I know several pedophiles from this community and most if not all of them are deeply unhappy or even traumatized by their condition (by being attracted to kids). And having children of your own is not a cure. There are too many pedophiles who mosest their own children...

But I'm not saying by this that you're a pedophile! I agree that it can be just the OCD. However, talking with a therapist who's not related to your family could be more helpful - it works so in general... ;). Wouldn't it feel better to have a second, possibly more objective, opinion?

I dont wanna gst on medicine again cause i trust in god, i know he can help cure me along with my help.

Does it mean you never take any meds? If it's related to psychiatry only, then what's the difference? There are many people who believe in god and take meds for their psychiatric disorders... Being strong and doing the best one can do sometimes involves also getting profesional help including medicaments...

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I'm sorry that it seems to you I judged you :(. It was a misunderstanding. I said I don't think you're a pedo, I just disagreed with two statements of that one therapist, that's all - any of the statement wasn't about YOU.

You hadn't mentioned before that you've been consulting 3 therapists in this context! You just came here and asked us about opinion and I said that you need opinion from some professionals (we can only offer support and some insights and compassion) - I couldn't know you already had professional opinions.

Take care! :)

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Ya i am sorry, my bypolar kicked in. yes i went to my family friend, and than she referred me toanother professional who specilizes in pocd.. which they needed another opoon and they all said the same thing, im not a pedo, i have ocd which alot of ppl have. it foes scare me when these thought came, but two of them believe with all my syntoms and my oyher problems cause that bypolar, post tramtic and even insexurities they brlieve i was molestated at a young age, so my mind was screwed up a long yime ago. i never feel attracted or anything toqards any other kids. , its just him amd since it scares me it always comes back. i ignore them when i am around him cause i love that kid with all my heart. theu are better now that i contatavted ly therapist about it. i wanna help ppl with ththis issue. I wish i knew who did this to me and wh, but i never will so i just live say by day with it. i truay in god and thank you for clarrofyingvwhat yiu meant, i thoughg you said i was a pedpfile. im not, o jusy habe pocd and i will foght this oit medicine. what helps me is lnowing that i am not triggered by anyone or any other kids, i look at them as normal. iseeing him naked broight back my fwars of being a pedofile. the mind is a scary thing to deal with, it makes you think thinga and hears thinga rhat are not real.

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Yes, it sucks tho cause in order for it to stop coming back every once in awhile they want me on medicine again and maybe for life.. i havs been doing it without medicins for years now, but i hate when it comes back cause it feels stronger and makes me feel like im not myself.

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Cause everytime it came back it scared me cause id tell myself thay if it keeps cominh back than maybe this is how pedofiles start bout, but thank out lovly god thats its just ocd. They did tell me that if these thoughts start thinking of every kid and not just him that oll need a complete evaluation again they are 100 percent its my ocd again and that i gave to stop being scRed and they will fade again. I still have anxiety around him and only him but i told thr doc i wanna try getting ova this again by myself but in 3 weeks its still there or even worse that ill get meds again,

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Cause everytime it came back it scared me cause id tell myself thay if it keeps cominh back than maybe this is how pedofiles start bout, but thank out lovly god thats its just ocd. They did tell me that if these thoughts start thinking of every kid and not just him that oll need a complete evaluation again they are 100 percent its my ocd again and that i gave to stop being scRed and they will fade again. I still have anxiety around him and only him but i told thr doc i wanna try getting ova this again by myself but in 3 weeks its still there or even worse that ill get meds again,

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I think it might be similar to the situation when one is attracted to an adult: We are not attracted by all adults, just by one (or a few). I know it's a different kind of attraction and relationship, but this principle might be the same / similar.

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The thoughts have got better, however they are still therr.. im depessed to, i dont feel like myself, im up and than down.. i have been on medicine 3 or 4 times for depression.. i hsve a chemical imbalance and thr therapist said tha t this can also be thr reason why these thoughts keep coming back over and over... Im hoping i can put a stop to this, it makes me suicidal!

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