The olympics are making me feel depressed...

[TimWake993]

Hello everyone,

First off, sorry for not posting in a while, and not even saying thanks for the help you guys gave me in the past. I'd like to say that i am feeling much better lately, i think that i have finally found my identity, found out who i am and who i want to be in my life. I have also made quite a lot of progress in accepting myself for who i am, unfortunately its still a work in progress as i have realised myself this week.

So i've been watching the Olympics these past 2 weeks. The first couple of days have been great, i was really enjoying watching all these amazing athletes perform for their country. But then sometimes last week-end, a thought popped up in my head...i'm not like those people. I am not an athlete, i have no athletic ability whatsoever. I am never going to be like those people, and i likely will never reach the same level of fame and fortune, i am just an Average Joe.

Now i know it probably looks like a baby whining, but its been a week now and i just can't chase those thoughts from my head. And i really feel disappointed in myself now and borderline depressed. Why wasn't i born with any athletic ability? Or any musical ability? Those are stupid questions to ask, and the answer is "That's just the way that life is."

What's frustrating is that i never felt like that in the past. I always watched sports and i think i always knew inside of myself that i wasn't like those athletes and will never be...i don't know what has changed now or why i am stressing so much over this. Really its like complaining i wasn't born in a rich family, its just the way life is, you've got no power and no control over it whatsoever. But a part of me is refusing to accept that as an answer and just makes me feel like crap inside of myself.

[IrmaJean]

i am just an Average Joe.

You're yourself, Tim. That's a beautiful thing. We're all unique and we all have gifts. Maybe yours is in kindness or being a great friend. One thing I try to do now is give power to the lights that shine. I have a lousy singing voice and nothing will ever change that fact. Rather than focus on my inability to sing, though, I give energy to my gift of being a caring person. There are always things we can work on to change and grow, but there are also things we can accept will not (such as having a very rare Olympian talent). What do you like about yourself?

[TimWake993]

Thanks for the reply,

I like my aptitude with computers. I've been creating rudimentary web sites and forums since i was about 12 years old. I'm going to start a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science next year in fact, maybe i'm the next Bill Gates for all i know.

Its just that i've always had this notion, for as long as i can remember, that i was special, and i was going to do something special in life that would put me above the average person. I'm not sure why i feel and think this way and what i am writing probably sounds very selfish and stupid, but now that i'm almost 20 years of age i am just realising that i will likely have a very ordinary life and even though its not such a bad thing, it just makes me feel a bit sad.

[TimWake993]

Sorry for the double post, i'd just like to get something off my chest, hope you guys don't mind.

I'm feeling a bit better each day, i feel like i am making progress towards going back to my normal self again, but its a path full of hurdles from my perspective.

I just have this crazy mentality that because i'm not doing, or going to do, anything special in this life, that my life is NEVER going to be as good as that of those people who do special things.

I'm trying to reason with myself, i'm trying to explain to my own self that everyone's life is different, that this is how i was born, that this is where my life led me. That it might be unfortunate that i'm not an athlete or a musician or an astronaut, but it doesn't mean that my life is plain, boring, insignificant and worthless. That i'm going to do my own thing in life, that it might not lead me to fame and fortune, but if it makes me happy, that's all that matters right?

But i just can't shake that mentality off. And i try to explain to myself that life isn't a competition either. That it doesn't matter how my life, my achievements, my past, etc. stacks up to that of other people.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Its this stupid mentality that's stuck in my head, i realise how stupid it is and that i need to get rid of it, but i can't do it.

[malign]

Your life is full of hurdles, and you don't see yourself as a champion for still persevering? :-)

There's an equation being made between what's "important", and fame, fortune, "specialness", being "over" other people ...

It's a topic that has come up here before: what's the meaning, in life?

So why don't we start with the idea of an Olympic athlete? They've spent years of their youth (some would say the best years of their lives; others didn't enjoy being teenagers that much, but still) training for the few days of competition, for the brief seconds of the actual event, when in many sports, the goal is to make the event take as little time as possible ... And for what? At the end, maybe, you can say you're the best, maybe, shot-putter or javelin-thrower in the world ... Why is that important, again?

The truth is that even for gold-medal winners, fame and fortune are hardly guaranteed. It helps to be attractive (as it does elsewhere in society) and to compete in a sport that has more glamor (again, as defined by society.) In other words, society teaches that what society values is valuable. But we're not required to buy that.

So where does meaning come from? Other people are unreliable, and besides, all you can get from other people is what they think is important. It would be rather sheep-like to assume that's the same as what you want ... So, meaning will probably only come from what you want, once you have a better grip on what that is. It does help to try different things, to let yourself learn by failing (we all fail, sometimes), and to extract from your successes what exactly made you feel they were successes. That's something that a lot of people do in their college years (and before and after), but don't expect to be done soon. It's common to change priorities all through your life, as circumstances change.

I too started out as a computer geek, and although I've made my living at it, it has hardly been a straight road. My degree, finally obtained twelve years after high school, was in Biology; I've worked in computers for over twenty years; and I'm planning to go back to school some day to be a therapist. Am I a "success"? Well, I'm the best Me I can be ... so, yeah! :-)

[TimWake993]

Thanks for replying

As i've said earlier, i am feeling a bit better each day...but its baby steps.

Also, something i haven't spoken of yet is my emotional instability. Its like, right now i'm feeling good, like i've sorted everything out within myself. Then an hour later i go back to feeling like crap and start having negative thoughts again. It goes back and forth like a roller-coaster. Its something that affected me back during my personality problems as well, but it only ever happens when i'm struggling like i am now. Really not sure what any of this means, just thought i'd throw it out there in case somebody can help me understand why this is happening.

Also...it just feels like i'm making up problems as i go. I don't feel too bad about not being an athlete anymore, was able to reason my silly self there. Now i feel bad because i'm not rich.

Yep, the most stupid and silly thing to ever feel bad about...i honestly feel ashamed writing this. I'm trying to chase these stupid thoughts away from my mind but i just can't. And its so frustrating, because i have so many material possessions, i have loving and caring parents, we're not rich but i've got more then enough to be happy....but i always want more. Why? Why can't i simply be happy, be grateful for what i have, and live my life like a normal person and not a mental trainwreck that's making problems out of nothing?

[IrmaJean]

Tim, I apologize if I'm forgetting, but are you in therapy? If thoughts are intrusive and they frequently vary, it may not be so much about what you worry about. It may be more about the pattern of obsessive worry. Are you able to distract yourself from the thoughts when they come up?

Take care.

[TimWake993]

No i am not Irma. I know it may sound stupid but i believe in my ability to work things out for myself. I mean, i got out of my personality troubles last month and it hasn't bothered me since, of course if these types of problems keep popping up every month i might have no choice eventually, but at this point i'm not yet ready to admit that i really do need a psychiatrist.

Anyway, i am feeling much better and also more emotionally stable today, so hopefully i can say i've finally overcome what's been bothering me and am now in the process of "mending" myself emotionally and mentally, if it makes any sense.

At this point what's bothering me a bit is that i no longer manage to look at my life from a happy perspective, its like i'm saying to myself "Ok this is what my life's like, its nothing special, i'm just an average joe, everything's very simple and mundane, but i'll have to settle for it". Its a bit of a depressing way to look at it.

I mean, in the past i sort of always knew that my life wasn't all that special compared to other people's. But i always sort of believed that i was special and unique, and that my life was the best because it was mine.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense but i can't really put it in words any better. Thanks for all the support.