curiousity killed the cat. Being human it can to.but dying isnt an option.

[Confusedaily]

HI,

My name is Donna.

I have been in a abusive relationship for little over 5 years. A few months ago I finally had enough. I LEFT HIM. My abuse took place all in my brain. My actions, thoughts, my life became his. I slept ate breathed him. My whole being was about him.

My abuser is a narcissistic sociopath. I became his perfect hostage. Until I started questioning his motives.

#1 rule. Dealing with this type of illness always remember.. everything they speak is a lie.

I'm still questioning. I need answers.

If anyone is narcissistic sociopath. Or has abused people for their own gain. Id like to ask a few questions.

If anyone has been emotionally abused. I want to speak to you as well.

Donna

[IrmaJean]

Hi Donna.

I'm wondering if you would like me to move your thread where more members that you are interested in talking with might see it? I could put it in 'General Support' or in the 'Abuse and Bullying' section or it can be left here as well. It's up to you. Just let one of us know if you'd like it moved.

Take care.

[malign]

My only question, Donna, is that if you do find someone who will agree that they abused others for their own gain, and if you believe that everything that such a person might say is a lie, how will you believe whatever they write?

My understanding is that a true sociopath won't see their abuse as being abusive; they'll think they're acting normally. So what can you ask them, that will help you?

[Confusedaily]

Sure we can move it to general forum thank u.

And I'm not sure really what I want to ask. I just really need to know I'm not alone in this type of abuse

. I just want to talk. I'm having a hard time with why our lord allowsthis type of illness.how can these people know the lord and go to heaven if there is no good in them. Is it there fault or ours? I dnt know if ill get answers. I hope a little understanding tho.

[Confusedaily]

A sociopath is also incapable of empathy. Never sorry. They don't ask for forgivnedd either. So how can they repent for the lord. They srnt allowrd in hraven?? There has to be good in tbem right?

[malign]

Donna, I don't make the decisions on who is allowed into heaven, so I don't know. From what I understand, it is difficult for a sociopath to understand properly that there even is something to repent about. At least, on a conscious level. They may gradually be convinced that everybody else thinks they're doing something wrong, but they may never truly understand where the fault lies.

On the other hand, I do believe that there is good in everyone. And bad; no one's perfect. What it comes down to is that if you're a type of person who will be taken over by a sociopath, even if there are good points to that person, it's probably better to stay far away.

And I don't know why any illness is allowed, or any disasters, or pain itself. I figure it's not really my job to know "why". I know this stuff exists; I spend more effort on trying to repair the damage than on wondering why it happens. Even if someone told us why, I doubt that we would agree that it was necessary, or that we would even understand what they told us. We're just not big enough to understand ...

[Confusedaily]

I was doing alot of thinking last night. I'm the type of person who eantz to save the world. As you see I can't save myself.

So the why I think comes to me. Why did I allow it. Why did I stay. Maybe hearing others and why thy did or didn't. It can help me

[malign]

It's an old saying, here, that if you want to take care of others, make sure you start by taking care of yourself. It's very easy to give too much away, more than you have, if you don't start by making sure you're okay.

The abuse I suffered was different from yours, Donna, but I too think a great deal about why I allowed it. In my case, I ignored a lot of warning signs because I wanted to be something I wasn't at the time: a husband and a father. Then I stayed because I thought that I was. The reality is that I never was allowed to be those things; they were figments of my imagination and the fact that someone married us.

I imagine that your "why" is different. I'm sure you felt it was important, and I hope you can forgive yourself for having a human need.

[Confusedaily]

Malign I'm sorry for your abuse. Any type is horrible. Pain is pain. I know how I got sucked in. I remember seeimg him standing by the mailbox at my apt where I had just moved in few days befor. This boy looked lost sad. Over the next few months id watch him. He lived dirrectly accross the street from me. My front door livrm window matched his. So couldn't help to see in each others yards. We kinda watched eachother. I know his father. That's who he lives with. One day my griend showed up to visit. She said she knew him. He wanted to meet me. So I had him come over. We stayed up many nights laughing and talking. Wben he had problems he came to me. I was like his mom.

Maybe that's why I sayed. I don't know

[IrmaJean]

You aren't allowing it anymore. You have given the power back to yourself now. What do you think the next chapter of your life might look like, Donna?

[Confusedaily]

Takng care of me is my next chapter.

Its time to be selfish and greedy with my needs and wants. I can have anything and anyone in my life and I don't need permission to have it.

Its lonely where I'm at. Everyone I know knows him. So most of conversation is of him. I've cut those people from my life. I have 1 friend who doesn't deal with him at all. She is one I still talk to. He did her dirty so if he is brought up she is bitter with her words on him. I say nothing but it bothers me. I still have alot of love for him. And hate him at same time..

Ill never return to him. But I do miss him.

[Confusedaily]

I went to hosp.I got alot hard work ahead of me. I'm looking at it as I'm free. I broke away. I wabt this creature dead. But that's up to our Lord. My profile pix is a sketch of a tattoo I will put on my leg. Hope u like it. :-)

[IrmaJean]

You actually crossed my mind yesterday and I wondered how you were feeling. It's great that you are taking care of you, Donna. :-) I hope the hospital stay was healing for you.

So you are getting a tattoo? How wonderful it is that you are expressing yourself!

Take gentle care of you.

[Confusedaily]

I joined another site. These ppl are closer to me. I'm in the usa. So I been posting there. But I find myself missing all u. This is where I started. Ita kinda like home. :-) so ill check in from time to time. Thank u for thinking abt me. I went to crazyboard.