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queenofmondays
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Hi everyone. I started going to college this year & I have never been more miserable in my entire life. Before college, I had problems with anxiety and depression since my sophomore year in high school. I've never been formally diagnosed, but I know what I feel, and I'm pretty sure it doesn't span the lines of "normal."

Anyways, I'm almost at the end of my first semester in college. I know I should be in a lot better of a place than I am. The only person who I've really told that I've been feeling anxious/depressed/suicidal is my boyfriend, who tries to help me and support me, but it just doesn't go through with me. It's like everything he says or does hits a brick wall. I don't know why. I just feel so cold.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can barely get out of bed to make it to my classes, homework is excruciating to get through, and as an added stress causer, if I don't succeed at college this semester or if I flunk out, my parents will be so disappointed in me. I don't know what they will do, which causes me even more anxiety. Finals are coming up and I don't know if I will have it in me to even show up for them, much less try my best.

I just feel lost. I try to talk to people about what I'm feeling, but no one really seems to understand. Death is on my mind more and more these days, and that really scares me. I need help, but I don't know how to get it.

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Hello, queen, and welcome to the community.

Anxiety can be so tough to deal with. I'm sorry you are feeling so much distress. :( Is there anything specific you feel anxious about or would you describe what you are feeling as a general overall anxiety? For me, anxious feelings seem to stem from a lack of confidence in my ability to cope in different situations and/or from intense feelings of vulnerability due to a lack of or a perceived lack of control. I don't know if any of that might apply or fit for you. I think one good place to start is to become aware of your feelings and responses. Do relaxing activities help? Does anything bring you comfort or joy? Might asking your boyfriend to hold you bring feelings of warmth? Is there a counselor at the college you attend that you could talk with?

We are here and listening.

I hope you feel better, Queen.

Edited by IrmaJean
typo
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Thankfully, the "lines of normal" are a load of horse manure anyway, so it's all good. :-)

What it sounds like it "spans" is the limits of how bad you want to feel, and that's a good enough reason to try to do something about it as any. Have you considered trying to get a professional diagnosis? A lot of schools offer free or sliding-scale counseling to their students.

It sounds like school has taken on a significance beyond wanting an education, and that would (and did) take all the fun out of it, for me. {I got my B.S. on a six-year plan ...}

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IrmaJean,

I feel anxious about everything. From my homework to in class to presentations and even to my group of people I would like to call my friends. I don't know why I feel anxious about a lot of things. I just feel panic set in whenever I begin to think about my school work and interactions with other people I don't know very well.

I used to have activities that I liked to do. However, now that I am in college, those activities are different than what I'm used to. I don't like that.

Boyfriend is a very touch-y feel-y person with me. I like it on some occasions, but most of the time, when I am feeling sad, I don't like to be touched. I love him though, and I can't bring myself to tell him that, because I don't want to upset him. I love him so much. Too much to lose him.

I believe this answers you too, malign, there are counseling services where I go to school, I have tried to gather the courage to call, but I can never do it. Boyfriend and I even went in to the office together to set up an appointment, but I got too scared to walk up to the window, so we left.

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