Weird, Gifted, or Disorder?

[IamLove]

I have struggled my whole life with feeling different than others. I have often felt that I was on the outside looking in, I remember this feeling very strongly even in Kindergarten. I am now 34, this feeling has only increased with age. I feel that I don't really belong here (Earth), and that others are somehow unaware of what truly is. I have fervorantly searched for an answer to this enigma. I have found info about Indigo phenomenon, I know it is new age and unscientific, which most refute. I have also discovered Dabrowski's overexcitabilities in the Gifted. Both of these explain characteristics I have experienced. Recently I have taken Kiersey's temperment sorter which resulted in the group of the "Rational". This also discribed me very precisely, I asked my Psych, Professor (who assigned us to take this sorter) if it were true what it said about Rationals being very rare. He had divided us up into our groups after taking the test and out of ca. 60 students I was the only Rational, he said that "yes they are rare, that's why your the only one". My former husband, who was very conservative and close/narrow minded, told me that I "deliberately tried to be weird", I was upset about this so I told my grandfather about it (I don't have a father), he said "You are weird, you've been weird since you were a little kid". What does this mean? advice or a complement? If being weird is what causes me to have compassion, empathy, tolerance, and a love and openness to learn and share new experiences; and makes me different than those who criticize me for "trying to save/fix the world" (and tell me just to worry about my own little corner), then I guess I'm proud of being weird.... I live in a rural Southern area, which makes it even harder to find those who can relate to my "weirdness". My concern now is that my son, who is 11, is starting to experience the same sense of exclusion. Recently he was placed in Gifted classes, but in Kindergarten his teacher--who was a 20yr veteran & the superintendant's wife---told me that he wasn't like any other child she had ever taught, the school had a full comprehensive eval done, he had a 3rd grade reading comprehension in K. His MPC score was 118. Every teacher he has had so far has repeated these sentiments, he is polite, non-confrontational, but odd & his reasoning is very excentric. The PT at school said that he was very analylitical, which was uncommon for his age and especially for being a 10 yr old BOY..... Any suggestions?, my son and I are both alienated---it would be nice to feel understood.

[IamLove]

I feel that I am a spiritual being having a human experience and that my deviations in behavior (depressions, anxieties) are caused by the conflict imposed on my soul-self by the mental demands of my physical self (which is pressured by current human society norms to conform). "I use my physical body" If A uses B then A must be other than B. Therefore I am other than my physical body---I am soul---I am positive energy----I am Love. We exist because we are--(being). To be- is an effect, which had a cause. All that is- was caused/created. Therefore there had to be a first cause, and a first cause-r. All came from one, all are a part of that one, the one (whole) is greater than the sum of all of it's parts (synergy); All is all---we are one.

[malign]

<quote>Weird, Gifted, or Disorder?</quote>

I don't see these as being in any way mutually exclusive. :-)

All of our differences can be seen as gifts. After all, the judgment of which are positive and which are negative tends to vary from person to person. And we all know how wide the gray area between "normal" and "disorder" is. Almost as wide as that between "order" and "chaos", given that we now know that "order" only exists for a very limited number of points and that "chaos" is everywhere else. (I love math.)

So I'm prompted to ask, "Who cares?" :-)

[IamLove]

That seems to be my malaise, no one does care..... I have to pretend to be just as uni-dimentional as the rest of the crowd or no one wants to hear what I have to say.... And as far as order goes there isn't any... all things are possibilites that are relative.:-) Where I live females only discuss drama, who's cheatin' who.... Men only discuss hunting & fishing. I have even been told that because I believe Theological Science (metaphysics) that the "Devil is putting those ideas in my head", I am in the Bible belt. I just want to know that there are those who have these same ideas and to be able to share them rather than being treated like I'm possessed.

[finding my way]

IaL, maybe the experience you are missing is to find others more like you. I hear you saying that being so unusual as far as the general population goes has left you feeling alienated. I'll bet you wouldn't be as concerned if you knew a few other "rationals," and what their daily lives were like & how they got along with others. Does being in school help?

I'm a "rational" too, always show up as rare in personality tests, and to me I felt, Oh that explains why I feel different, so it was a relief... there was a reason behind what I felt! Since then I have known others a bit like me, mostly by pursuing education or by finding authors I resonate with. That settled my "identity" crisis a bit. It wasn't until the rough & tumble process of living & working with others for years that I got skills to get along & to enjoy being with people, whoever they were. I have my limits, but I don't worry so much any more about being different. The more I get to know people, the more I see that they have doubts about fitting in too, not for being "rational" maybe, but for other reasons personal to them.

Anyway, for now, I hope you can find some like minds to hang with & "normalize" your way of being in the world.

[finding my way]

hey I just missed your last post because I was writing to you.

Just wanted to say I love metaphysics too. Go for it. That stuff is fun.

[IamLove]

Thank you for sharing. I have only found a few Professors at school who are of like mind however this leaves little in the area of socializing. I am afterall 34 surrounded by teens. I have yet to find any locals that wonder about all that is. When I try to talk to people about deeper ideas I get ignored, my best friend will say "you're making my head hurt". Like I mentioned my son is having the same issues in school and I don't know how to help.

[finding my way]

Well OK, if you really are stuck with no like minds to socialize with, you might need to venture into a new arena, possibly not in your comfort zone, as a sort of compromise.

If you're like me, you spend most of your time in your head. Sooner or later you will need to develop a better relationship to your body, if for no other reason than health. Many people enjoy physical hobbies. Is your community big enough for yoga? Are there any bird watching groups or hikers? Are there any physical activities you enjoy? I bring this avenue up because it's a segway to being with people, it's healthy, and, if you want to have brainy metaphysical fun on the side, you could add your own studies of chakras, tai chi, etc, to spice things up.

[IamLove]

FMW

Thanks for the concern.... My son plays baseball all summer with his classmates, but when summer is over they ignore him. I have attended four different churches which my children and I have enjoyed but sooner or later doctrinal ideas are imposed for membership. I drove thirty minutes away to the gym for a year but found no one my age. I do enjoy nature, I take photos, I read, I write poetry and short stories, I am not necessarily lonely I just like to have an outlet for my ideas to go and to be stimulated by the ideas and experiences of others who are my kind of normal

[malign]

<quote>my kind of normal</quote>

Now that's the way to look at it! :-)

Such folks do exist, even in the South. And then, there's always online!

One type of site I found useful were ones that allow people to play strategy games, like chess or go, but also to chat. Higher concentration of people who concentrate, you might say.

<added> I may even change the name of my blog to this.</added>

Edited December 17, 2008 by malign
Addition

[kaudio]

Out of curiosity, I have taken Myers-Briggs Type Indicator [MBTI] tests over a number of years. Each time I usually receive the same personality type, and the description of this personality somewhat resembles me – to my chagrin. But, it is important not to pigeonhole oneself with tests of personality and skill. For example, if a particular personality is said to learn better with one set of activities as opposed to another, the bearer of this personality should not confine himself to the aforementioned activities to the exclusion of all others. There are many different ways to interpret and learn of the world, and in my opinion, it would be very restrictive to act on MBTIs – or any other indicator - to such an extent.

That said, from what I gather of this thread, the main idea has more to do with being able to discuss one's thoughts and interests without being judged as a fruit cake of sorts. But, for the most part, to have one's interests and views accepted by peers is besides the point. People – like Allan and many others - say a great deal of things that can be misinterpreted. Even if no mistakes are made in communication, the interpretation of the thoughts that are communicated can easily transform into another thought entirely. However, despite these challenges of communication, if these thoughts continue to be communicated, they can contribute the development of human thought. People can receive, build, modify, and abandon these thoughts, and this process enables them to learn more of both the world and of themselves.

So, I suggest that your son be encouraged to apply his brilliant mind by reading broadly, and to refrain from judging ideas before he actually considers their merits. Yet, more importantly, his confidence and courage will have to be patiently developed so that he can be himself without fear of standing out from his peers. The old saying is: sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. But, in truth, sticks, stones, and words will always come, and they all can hurt very much. Will you stop because of these things?

Perseverence is a difficult lesson, in my opinion.

[jimmyfay2]

I can't believe how happy I got reading all that you guys have said! From the first post about the 10 year old boy being "weird" on down the line! I love the mathematical formula for 'proving' that I am other than my physical body! I have had strange and profound thoughts/questions ever since I was a little boy, and to know that there are other people out there who are seen, and see themselves, as different is freakin' awesome! Ever since I was in Kindergarten, they have been trying to label me, to figure me out, to fix me... I have grown to learn that there is nothing wrong with me, even though I still have trouble sometimes, deep down inside I've always known I was different for a reason. I am rambling because I am excited to know there are others who not only feel the way I do, but found ways to express it that make me understand that they understand... that you guys understand! Understand?

I really wish there was some kind of coffee shop where we could all hang out and talk... I suppose that is what this forum is, but, I would love the unfettered interaction that speaking face to face provides. I have only found one other person who 'gets' where I'm coming from, but my wife thinks she is out to steal me away, so i can't talk to her. I love my wife, but I don't think she is capable of understanding the thoughts that I have about life, the earth, the nature of why we exist and so on...

Just out of curiosity... any of you happen to be artists? I am a musician and have often been told by Doctors that that is why I am different... I am super sensitive to the stimuli around me which makes my body feel threatened. Just wondering if anyone else has been told that...

OK. Too much coffee... too early in the morning... I have to get back to work, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU all for writing... you've made me feel connected to this world again... even if it's only in our little corner of it.

[finding my way]

Yeah, I'm an arty type. I have many arty friends and every one of us struggles with oversensitivities in body and brain. So be careful what you wish for, because when you find your crowd of like minds they'll all be crazy! (that was a joke:p)

I like the idea of all getting together at a coffee house. Only, since this is a fantasy, can we make it a South American cruise? I would normally hate going on a cruise ship, but if it were with a bunch of "like minds," that would be great. Especially right now, since the holidays are so stressfull for us sensitive types.

[jimmyfay2]

That cruise idea sounds great! You know, it's kinda funny that since I got married, I've had to 'give up' all my artsy friends because my wife is SUPER jealous of them... I think it's because we all have a history together and she is a new person in my life. I REALLY miss my friends and the freedom to be 'weird' or should I say, freedom to express my thoughts without judgment. I have alot of really cool thoughts along with the frightening ones, and some of the frightening ones are cool too, but I just can't share them with anyone. I've been thinking alot lately about the power of speech. Of actually saying out loud what is going on in your head. I work in a warehouse and am usually all by myself, so I've been experimenting with confronting my uncomfortable thoughts by saying them out loud. I felt crazy at first ( what if someone comes in and sees me talking to myself about death, fear, god, anxiety, and so on... ), but, I've found by having to form coherent sentences, my mind seems able to 'let go' of the urgency of the thoughts. Anybody got any opinions or input?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jimmy,

Yes, when working alone in a warehouse, why not say what you are thinking out loud. If it helps to feel better, why not?

By the way, in my opinion, people can be wierd and out-there and gifted and quite normal. The problem is: I do not know what "normal is?" I am writing a post about that. So, what is normal, anyway???

By the way, I would avoid a cruise around South Africa, these days, if it mean sailing anywhere near Somalia in order to get there. Pirates and all. Pirates??? Now, are they normal???

Allan:)

[paula]

opinion's are like arseholes, everyone's got one!

[finding my way]

True, everyone's got an arsehole and an opinion, but not everyone has a voice! I say spout away Jimmyfay! Though if you find yourself getting into arguments with yourself, you might want to get some help .

Hey have you discovered the blog part of this site? I don't know if it's difficult (I'm techno challenged), but you might enjoy spouting there too. Do you like blogging Paula?

[FlowFreak]

"we are one"...2 stressed/overstimulated at the present to get in this thread, for if I did even without the present...I know too much, and that's all I need to know for now. Someone was able to actually able to listen to a part of it, and the response was "... that's fascinating..you need to write a book... I am and I already have a title connected and from it.

[IamLove]

Jimmy- Sorry I was absent for your arrival, but yes we are aware more of every aspect of being.... It is all amazing discovery of possibility unfolding... in 5 senses, in multiple dimensions, unlimited reality.. Words are powerful, I mentioned this in another thread... If we say I am tired, the body reacts (biochemically) so that we experience beingtired.... If we say I want... then we will experience wanting.... We must remember this simple truth of reality, the "I" indicates it's desire, the body reacts to carry it out...

cause-effect. Try positive affirmations... I am now receiving... or identifying (which I believe your experiment involved) the physical body seperate from the "I"--- "My Body needs rest". The Sonoma method is a "new age" approach for this, but it is really technical to read... Yoga & meditation are less complex versions as well. What do you think about the Hadron collider?

[viciousgirl]

I've followed the links you put into my introduction thread, and I really want to look further into it. However, the internet can get me so far. All of the websites I've been to about giftednes are repetitave. They all tell me the same things. Do you have any other sources for me to research?

[tourdelove]

I just want to say! I think you are awesome Love! I personally think it's probably the gifted adjective that fits most. Of course all these adjectives: Weird, Gifted, or Disorder-ed are only just in comparison to the rest of the population... But a disorder affect a person functioning or cause them to arm themselves, that sort of thing right, and it doesn't seem like you show signs of that, nor your boy, am I correct?

As far as isolation goes, I do understand this as well. I feel that, in my own personal experience, I have tend to gravitate more towards activities on my own which probably increased my loneliness. Concentrating on studying lots and lots, listening to music by myself, drawing a lot... And my parents didn't seem to notice [they were busy fighting, Ah!]. Anyway, Once I understood I had to get out in the world more and do more activities with others, even if it felt uncomfortable at first I did feel less isolation.

All I am saying is, I think you are on the right track by balancing alone activities, with other ones where you can connect with others [same for your boy as well right?]. I feel that most of the time I only connect with a few on an intellectual basis, but just connecting with others on an emotional basis helps a lot. And sometimes, just talking about the day to day stuff with friends helps a lot. Takes me out of my head.

Love

s

[IamLove]

Vici- If you like to read, a book called Please Understand Me- Kiersey. Dabrowski's overexcitabilities is another place to search......... The movie : August Rush.....Historically... some of the most brilliant minds were misunderstood .... Einstein .. Van Gogh.... Da Vici.... all considered odd, eccentric, abnormal, (disordered?) (other-ordered? than normal)... When you can look upon yourself and accept yourself it is the greatest love of all. When you discover your uniqueness then you can begin to understand why you do not "fit" into the mold... This is where I am... searching for those of likeness who "know" themselves.. (Socrates- "Know Thyself") the world is a puzzle.. everyone fits somewhere in.... I am still searching.... Knowing is half the battle. What you do with that knowlege is the journey ahead.....

[IamLove]

Thank you for your kindness... it has given me peace.... disorders are that which disrupts (disorders) your normal function you are right... Living with so much uncertainty and so many possibilities is very overwhelming to me.. so much so that at times I become so introverted that detach from the world. This is disordered. I will then become obsessive about putting it all back "in order" almost in a frenzy... others observing may say it's characteristic of bi-polar manic/depressive.... I say that this is the way I deal with the reality we live in.... I don't have a problem with my behavior.... others may think it is not normal, but for me..... I am being me... my ex told me that he thought I deliberately tried to be weird, I was upset by this..... I told my grandfather hoping to get sympathy? he said " L you are weird.. you've been weird since you were a little kid" I didn't know if this was an insult or a compliment or just plain fact.. so I looked up weird in the dictionary... It says "magical" "odd" "unique", I thought if weird is what makes me different then the negative person who said it then I am proud to be weird.... I found a sticker for my car shortly after that I purchased and proudly displayed it says : I'm not weird, I'm gifted.......

[tourdelove]

there you go, that is exactly right Love, I like that sticker!