Mentally a mess

[Terrabear123]

I have been doing good for a while, until I realized that I lost myself. Now, I I feel like I am not connected to my core. I just live in the present, my emotions are in the present, but not what I actually feel. I automatically pretend everything is okay and fine. I even convince myself this. But then there are times where it comes crashing down and i realize that it's not. I don't know what to do, I can;t live like this anymore.

I am just tired of feeling okay and blocking out emotion and thoughts. Could anyone here offer any advice? I am at my wit's end.

[skyentist]

I wish I had something to tell you, but all I can do is relate. I'm sorry for what your going through, and I'm sorry I'm not able to help.

[LaLa]

Hello, Terrabear, welcome!

If I should give you an advise, I would recommend to see a good psychotherapist and work on your problems for a sufficiently long time with him/her. What do you think about this option?

But anyway, I believe there's something you can do "in the meantime" (before seeing a specialist) or perhaps you could resolve your issues also without such help (although I presume it would be more difficult and take much longer). I hope communication on this forum will be helpful to you...

There are some questions (an thoughts) that have occurred to me while reading your post:

I feel like I am not connected to my core

This sounds to me like a problem many people have but many of them are not aware of it (isn't there a lot of self-help literature aimed at knowing oneself better, connecting to one's "core / true self", and living in accordance with it?). So, it's probably good that you've realized this disconnection - that's a first step towards a more fulfilling life.

I just live in the present, my emotions are in the present

I'm not sure how you mean it. Could you elaborate, please? Because... this itself sounds positive: There are many "school of thoughts" that recommend "living in the present", focusing on "here and now", ... for instance because it helps not to be restraint by bad influences of our past and by fears about the future. So, when you feel like "living in the present", what problems does that pose to you? (I'm not questioning the possibility of this being problematic, I'm just trying to know and understand you better!)

my emotions are in the present, but not what I actually feel.

Here, I can see a problem - the "dishonesty" of your emotions. But I'm still a bit confused: your "emotions are not what you actually feel". You mean that the external emotional manifestations are not reflecting your internal state, or you have two different emotions at the same time - and one is "not what you actually feel", as you presume that "the other is what you actually feel"? But how could you tell which emotion is "valid"? Perhaps it could be your reason (= your "rational part") trying to deny some emotions because you consider them "inappropriate" - ?

Sorry for those questions; I know they seem strange and useless in the light of what you wrote later, mainly:

I am just tired of feeling okay and blocking out emotion and thoughts.

This seems clear to me and perhaps it explains everything I've just asked about, but anyway; if you feel like replying, it could help us to know you better (and perhaps also help you to understand something new about yourself?).

I automatically pretend everything is okay and fine. I even convince myself this. But then there are times where it comes crashing down and i realize that it's not. I don't know what to do, I can;t live like this anymore.

I think many of us have this "function" in us: Trying to "live normally", thus trying to appear as "OK", thus pretending and denying - and to be a good pretender, one musts convince oneself first. It helps in many situations, it makes everyday life social interactions easier, ... (Perhaps you could think (or even write) about some ways this way of living helps you - not to convince yourself that it's "good" and shouldn't be changed, just to understand the functions/reasons it has had in your life.) But then... I think we inevitably come to a point were "it's too much" and we feel that we can't do that anymore, at least not "all the time". You seem to be at this breaking-point. I think it's very important to "handle it appropriately", that's why I'd recommend psychotherapy (which has helped me quite a lot, too, BTW). But if not, then... perhaps I'd start with questioning a lot all the reasons why you feel you're not "OK". Doing it in a written form, as on this forum where you can receive some feedback, can be helpful. I hope it will be helpful to you, too...

Good luck and take care!