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long time suicidal..........time to end this nonsense


littlepiggie
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Hi Littlepiggie and welcome!

littlepiggie

long time suicidal..........time to end this nonsense

not doing it for other people.always other people ....family. well its time.i have had enough.

Sorry I have just seen this post! How are you coping! What have you had enough of in general!

Could you please tell us a bit about yourself? Were all here to listen! It's just unfortunate that this post got knocked off.

Please get back to us and let us know how you are!

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Hi Proverbs & Gabs

feeling the same. not allowed to act because of others. sorry to find another in this boat. wishing you well. PROVERBS REPLY
me too! But we alll know it is not good....... I am not allowed to say what I think......

Gabs..... JT

SORRY! But am I missing something here? Only, I don't know what your going on about?

Could one of you please fill me in on, "what is meant!"

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All

I'm sorry to hear that everyone can empathize with this original poster's suicidal ideation, but I guess that I'm not exactly surprised either. After all, both JT and Proverbs have talked about these sorts of feelings before. And that is what they are - feelings based on conclusions that have been heavily influenced by depression of one variety or another. And difficult life circumstances too, but in the absense of depression those circumstances would be easier to manage.

This is a tricky topic to talk about, but I think its okay to talk about feeling suicidal, so long as no one actually threatens suicide here, and no one is using this forum as a platform for glamorizing suicide which is decidedly not anything beautiful or desirable. People want an end of suffering more than they actually want to die. They only start wanting to die when they don't know how to feel better. So let's please try to frame the discussion in terms of how to feel better, or frustration with not feeling better, etc. What is against the rules is to discuss suicidal plans or graphic depictions of methods, etc.

Mark

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All

I think its okay to talk about feeling suicidal, so long as no one actually threatens suicide here, and no one is using this forum as a platform for glamorizing suicide which is decidedly not anything beautiful or desirable. People want an end of suffering more than they actually want to die. They only start wanting to die when they don't know how to feel better.

Mark

I do empathize and yes I have been suicidal and yes I have attempted and, with that history, I can say I agree with your statement. I do not glamorize nor idealize suicide. I know what it would do to my kids, which is why I don't threaten nor attempt to act. BUT this knowledge does not eliminate the desire to end pain and suffering and, when the pain and suffering is unbearable, then, yes suicidal thoughts do follow. There is NO place IRL to voice those thoughts. If I share too much with T or pdoc, I end up inpatient. If I share too much with friends, they get scared for me and begin to smother me with care and concern. I KNOW I won't act but sometimes I just need to be heard. To know others who have been in my shoes will listen, not judge and not rush to have me committed. When I come across another, like this OP, who are in that boat, I can and do empathize with them. I certainly would not encourage them to take action but I would like them to know they are not alone in their feelings. Sometimes, thats all we can hope for in the midst of a depression- to know that SOMEBODY somewhere has been in our shoes and emerged on the other side.

IMO, thoughts and actions are separate things and should be handled as such. I think that is why doctors want to know if you have a plan of action when you start talking suicide. I don't have a problem talking to others here about how I feel but I would never cross the line to sharing plans or advocating suicide in any case! Like I said, for many of us, it is just a need to not feel alone in the midst of these thoughts and feelings. A need to be heard and understood.

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I can relate to what others have said. I am so very tired of struggling but I don’t see suicide as an option. I just want the pain to go away. I have attempted before and I will not do that again. I think of suicide sometimes but I have family that care about me and I feel like I have to keep on going so that I don’t disappoint them. Suicide is certainly not glamorous. If you succeed in carrying out your plans you devastate your family and friends, and if you survive you have to deal with the aftermath of a failed attempt which is horrible. Having to go to the hospital and dealing with everyone knowing what happened is unbearably awkward. I would never talk to anyone in real life about how I want to hurt myself because I don’t want to be smothered by them like I was after my suicide attempt so it is helpful to be able to share some of those thoughts here.

Edited by Lie_low
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I've been suicidal off and on since I was a teenager, and I am 48 now. It gets scary because it feels so real like I would really do it. I guess when I think about it, it is like a rehearsal in my mind. It's as if I have already done it and have no control over my actions, because suicidal ideation begins in the brain. I really don't want to act on this.

I have recently learned about myself in the last few months that I really don't want to die. I do want to live. I see myself as the enemy. It is a struggle within myself. Realizing this is a big change in me. But I do still think about it.

I am really concerned with the OP. I hope s/he is okay.

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Feeling suicidal --- or really just not wanting to wake up in the morning. Seems to be something I will have to learn to live with. I would much rather learn somehow or have someone wave a magic wand and not feel this way. however.... I do not believe I will ever attempt it again. Although I do think about it.

In the past few weeks all my "real" friends have been what I call "preaching" to me. About the choices i have been making latley. I say yeah I know I need to quit drinking.... They say it is not the drinking. There is somethng else going on. They want me to tell them what it is. I wish I knew. These people knew me before all this started. Believe it or not at one time in my life I was a happy, sweet person. I have so much hate, hurt and anger in me now and I do not know where it comes from. When they ask what happend... I say LIFE!

And in another thread they are talking about nurture or nature. I believe inviroment has alot to do with this so called mental illness.... IMHO.

But I agree there is nothing at all glamorous about suicide ... or just the fact of being tired of living. I am not really tired of living, I think, But tired of living like this.

JT

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  • 2 weeks later...
I am not allowed to say what I think......

It is ok to write your feelings down on here! I am very sorry you are struggling so much . Do you have a therapist ? Or anybody you can trust to talk to? I find it helpful to have the extra support when things look bleak and i want to give up completly. I've been there many times, as well as others. Many of us can relate to your feelings.

I can't really really say what I do to cope because it is bad too.... And know the feelings of helplessness and depair all too well.

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  • 3 months later...

Hi Mark,

I don't want to cause a stir again with this suicide talk, but you got to admit that we discuss it because we feel a need to be heard and understood, like Proverbs mention. For myself, it's a need to figure out why these thoughts invade my mind. I admit googling "the word" for no apparent (to me) reason--just found myself doing it, to tell the truth. (Yeah, I know!) Anyway, in doing so I found that most of these sites do not glamourize the subject. In fact, they try to dissuade you very strongly. One interesting site (www.thewayup.com/newsletters/111501.htm) suggested taking natural supplements to fix the chemical imbalance in the brain that causes depression. What do you think? Is this type of treatment widely supported and accepted among mental health professionals? The literature seems convincing and I'm ready to try anything natural with no or few side effects. Please comment on this holistic type of treatment. I'm anxious to hear your opinion. Thank you.

Edited by karai
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Karai,

Please allow me to try to answer the question about natural substances that you posed to Mark.

The problem with these substances is that there is no laboratory research as to the amount of dosage that is best. It becomes easy to overdose for that very reason. Also, even though these are natual substances, they do have side effects. For example, Samee, not a bad natural substance for depression, causes a lot of stomach discomfort. There, too, there is no clear evidence as to dosage. I also want to point out that, because you do not need a prescription for these, they can be very expensive on an ongoing basis.

In my opinion, if you want to take something for depression you should see a psychiatrist (MD) and get a prescription for an anti depressant. We know they work and the necessary doses are certain.

However: I want to point out that life is more complicated than a medication can fix. That is why mental health professionals like Mark and Me strongly advocate psychotherapy. And, we advocate Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression because the research for years now shows that it works.

Allan :D

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Hi Allan,

Thanks for the info. I thought natural and herbal remedies were researched therefore used widely. Are there any dietary recommendations you can give--foods that can help with depression, symptoms or the disease itself? I do not want to take any meds. I discussed this briefly with my therapist just so that he doesn't head in that direction unless absolutely necessary. I already take Rx for my hypertension and high cholesterol and they are controlling these conditions very well and give me almost zero side effects. I don't want this to change except to eventually get off of these drugs, and I do not want to add anymore drugs to my system. So far, talk therapy seems to be working for me; I noticed I've been feeling more positive lately (if I don't think and dwell too much!). Now if only I could get some sleep...(my therapist is working on this too, in a non-meds way). Thank you!

Edited by karai
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karai and others interested in this sort of alternative medicine for mental health info,

Over a year ago now, we commissioned an article on alternative medicine approaches to mental health conditions like depression, bipolar disorder anxiety, schizophrenia, etc. The article was written by a doctor of Naturopathic Medicine - an "ND" - which is an alternative sort of doctor - one who focuses on the use of "natural" medicines for healing - some of them herbs, but some of them processed derivatives of natural substances. I put the term "Natural" into quotes because by the time these substances are ready for use they aren't completely natural any more, but still more natural I suppose than many of the synthesized drugs that the pharmaceutical companies develop. At any rate, there are some natural remedies of this variety that can have an impact on mood, and these are reviewed in our Complementary and Alternative Mental Health Medicine article. Keep in mind that these substances, though sold over the counter, are essentially still medicines, and as such, your best bet is to use them under the supervision of someone who is actually knowledgable about them and the research that has been done on their therapeutic use. I would recommend seeking out the care of a licensed naturopathic physician if you're going to go this route.

As Allan has pointed out, we psychotherapists here promote the use of psychotherapy for things like depression. As psychotherapy involves no drugs of any sort, but is something verbal instead of physical, there are no side effects of the typical variety associated with drugs what-so-ever AND we know from many research studies that have been conducted that some forms of psychotherapy, notably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but also Interpersonal Psychotherapy are effective treatments which reduce depression signs and symptoms most of the time.

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Hi Mark,

Thank you, I will check out that article you mention above. I guess I just am impatient because we still haven't really dealt with my insomnia---probably because of my "no meds as much as possible rule" I proposed to my therapist. However, I think he is giving me some tapes to listen to at bedtime, in my next session, to deal with the problem. Regarding medicines, I always thought, if it is holistic or naturalpathic, then it was natural in the true sense of the word! Fooled again! I still am going to see how far I can get w/o using meds, but being an impatient sort, I was grasping for anything but drugs to speed up the healing process! Thanks for the info!

Edited by karai
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