Med's light is with you always. You love her and always will and that's a part of you now.

Sleep well, dear Sue.

Im in a good mood today - not hyper (unfortunately, hyper is fun), a little sad, but I have certainly woken up Ok.

Reckon its gonna be another manageable day. But must admit that I am still very tired despite sleeping for 12+ hours straight through.

So Im still gonna do whats been scheduled for my day, but im gonna try and take it easy. I really do need rest.

gosh im sleepy.

I hope your day is going well, Sue. Thinking of you.

my day is now over and I am getting ready for bed - i am so tired but atleast ive manage to sorta stay awake till 7pm.

its been a mixed day - some rough moments but generally, its been ok(ish).

if I could just get past being so sleepy - but i suppose i'd rather be sleepy than how i have been up until recently.

im doing ok

I'm building down - its gonna take time - that I realise, but im slowly gaining some perspective, and slowly becoming more aware of the way I have been behaving. Guess theres a little hope left for me after all

Guess theres a little hope left for me after al

Always :-)

{{{Sue}}}

its morning - already, had a struggle to wake up today - could quite easily have stayed in bed and gone back to sleep. but i know if i do that then i wont do anything that i should be trying to do.

go to service later on today, im looking forward to it. get to light a candle for my sis. i miss her so much - 20 years shes been gone, still think of her daily. guess im never gonna get over her leaving this realm. even if i do totally understand why.

but im gonna be strong today - and im gonna make it a good day, even if its a struggle. Im gonna stay awake, go to church and say my prayers, do my homework the therapist wanted me to do, and then chill out in the meditation room for a few hours. Before i know it - it will be bed time and i can sleep

A light for Med...

I can hear your determination, Sue. Take gentle care with you.

giraffes in deep snow...they'd have to wear snowshoes to keep from sinking straight in with those long stick legs...once they get the hang of that, they'll be all over winter sports!

thanks for the candle for my sis, Beth, and cheers Jai, i will look out for gerties at the next winter olympics

it was sad for me yesterday - got through it though, without too many tears.

today i have to see p'doc (hmph) not looking forward to that, maybe he will consider reducing my medication, not so sure its right for me to still be this drowsy and sleep as much as i have been. guess i will soon find out.

going down to the pool today, gonna try and learn to swim again - sheeze, im still embarrassed at my attempts at the last set of swimming lessons i had 2 years ago - but reckon if im brave enough to let go of the bars, then maybe i will be brave enough to pick my feet up off the bottom of the pool too. (maybe). If i can overcome that fear of water this time round, then ive gotten a chance of overcoming some of my other fears too. Im real nervous - keep telling myself "i can do this" but even i dont fully believe myself coz, i say it shaking my head, and with a smile - coz i know better.

Today is gonna be another good day - think im adjusting my thoughts from woe is me - finally

hellllooooooooooo SueSue!!!!

Little minnow hopes the swims went ok

Pink snowshoes for you. Just in case you get some snow. Bravo to you for learning to swim!

PS. The fish looks so happy :-)

thanks big sis, the fish looks a little like the goldfishes I had over the years - all of whom i called fred - after one of my big bros' - so im guessing that fish is called fred also? thanks little minnow - my swimming lesson is at four - I dare say I will bore ya with all the gory details afterward ,

Hey Ken, WOW - thankyou !!! Pink is my fav colour. Hmm well, I havnt learnt - yet. but Im gonna be brave and try - does that count?

So i have a couple of hours till my lesson - and the nerves are kicking in. Im tryna visualise myself getting ready - and entering the pool - obviously using the ladder - if i jump straight in, i would probably drown. To start with even visualising just that had me all panicky - but now im begining to come to terms that all Im really doing is climbing into a tub of water - a HUGE tub of water - but perfectly safe. Reckon aslong as I can keep thinking like that, I wont cry when the time comes to actually do it - but guess I will see

Remember, someone will be close by to help you. Good for you for trying. I like the huge tub of water imagery. Good one, Sue :-)

HA - I did it !!!!!!

I am so PROUD of me !!!

eh I dont get to say that very often

Im PROUD of me

I managed to get in the pool - with out crying !!!!, And although I did NOT swim, or take more than one foot off the floor of the pool, at a time (like der as if im that brave yet) I let go of the rails - and I didnt even have armbands on (they didnt have any - yeah im gutted about that). Obviously I didnt stray too far from the rail - but I still did well (for me), I didnt freak, and I pushed myself as much as I could. And admitidly even enjoyed it toward the end of my hour.

Its been a good day - im shattered, and needing sleep desperately - But for me - Ive had a really good day

yay sue

sleep well

oh and by the way......:p

((((( You're proud of you!!! )))))

:o

Awwww, lil sis, little minnow is swimming in circles for joy :o

Wonderful for you, Sue!!

thankyou

Another day - and Im still trying !!! HA, this has gotten to be a new personal record for me. Maybe this time (fingers crossed) just maybe ........

Go you!

We are in your corner, Sue.

this morning i had a choice of two different groups to take part in - cooking or art and craft. didnt bother with the cooking group coz like cooking is fine - but then ya have ta wash up. So went along to art and craft. Where we were doing the exceptionally challenging skill of, wait for it...... card making !!!.

Walked into the room and i swear i coulda gone back 30 years to when i was a infant at school. coloured pieces of card, ribbon, crepe paper etc already neatly laid out - not to forget ofcourse little pots of white glue paste and plastic pasters. I found this highly amusing, as instantaniously memories of when i was little came flooding back of me sitting in Mrs greggs class as a child and getting told off for pasting the glue paste all over my hands and then when it was dry telling the girl next too me - it was my skin falling off !!! Guess I was always a bit of a monkey

I had fun in group this morning - wasnt hyper me - but certainly the 'old' me came out to play. Others made their loved ones christmas cards (apparently its xmas soon - idk) I however chose to make something different - a 'wish you were here' card..... yeah, not everyone saw the funny side of that - i did though

Think im more happy than sad today - either that or just plain daft!!!

Maybe it's all right to have a little silliness and child-like fun even when you're a grown up.

I hope you can connect with the places in your heart that hold your care and love. It's one way to feel the connections still. Hope you're okay, Sue.

thanks beth - that image iis beautiful

just gotten out of a heavy therapy session and really im over emotional right now - so perhaps this isnt the time for me to be writing on my blog.

tears just wont stop falling - this has to be a good day still - damn it.

this hurts like hell, but things are fine, they have to be. moving forward - dry my leaking eyes and damn it sue stop them. nothing can happen anymore that part of life is over.

its over

it hurts

its the past

not now, this moment, is a new moment, so kick my arse into gear - and smile 'n' wave.

coz i got through it.

im just tired - im always emotional when tired. nearly sleep time, if i can stay awake long enough to go to bed.

tomorrow is another day - and tomorrow, NOTHING is gonna make me this weak again.

(((((Sue))))) It's okay to acknowledge that it still hurts. Feelings are still in the now. I'm sorry it hurts. I hope the pain passes quickly.

Tomorrow is another day. I hope you sleep well and the rest is rejuvenating.