am I a pedophile?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Paula and everyone,

Paula, you have a lot of passion and I think that is a good thing. However, sometimes, after any person has made their point, it is better to remain calm so that the point gets across. In other words, I fear that your message, a message that many agree with, is getting lost because of the amount of anger you are expressing. Again, sometimes people hear better when a voice is lowered.

To everyone else,

I have reviewed many of the postings on this issue in this forum, going back to the first. There was a point where at least one individual tried to make the case that sex with children will become acceptable some day, just as homosexuality became acceptalbe, or legal. That was a turning point in the discussion, so far as I can see. In my opinion, adults having sex with children will never be legal or acceptable, either morally, religiously, spiritually or in any way at all.

Since then, a lot of energy has been spent, in this forum, on having fantasies of sex with children with some making the case that such fantasies are ok so long as they are not acted upon.

I want to refer everyone back to my posting about the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders from the American Psychiatric Association and contributed to , very heavily, from the American Psychological Association and from the National Association of Social Workers. The manual is very clear: if fantasies are accompanied by strong sexual arousal, then, you are dealing with Pedophilia. Why?

The answer: It is nearly impossible to resist Strong Sexual Urges. In fact, we do not want people to resist strong sexual urges if they have them towards an adult who is consenting to be their partner. Children simply do not have the judgment, maturity, power or ability to consent. That is why children need supervision from parents until they are grown. It is why it is in the best interests of children that their parents make executive decisions for their children until they are old enough to do so for themselves.

If you are a person, and evidently a few of you are, who has strong sexual fantasies involving children, go for help. There is potential for you causing harm even if you are convinced that could never happen. Again, the adult sexual urge is powerful and that is the way it is supposed to be: But: not towards children. Go For Help. Please.

Allan

[paula]

Thank you John for your kind words they are well appreciated as I have had a death in the family today. An Unexpected one!

Well enuf said!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Paula,

I am so very sorry that there has been a death in your family. My thoughts and and support are with you through this difficult time.

Allan:(

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[Mark]

Paula, Pseudonym,

You are bating each other and causing each other unnecessary distress. I don't like it, and it needs to stop.

The simple solution is for you two to ignore one another for a while. You can set the community to help you do that. I want you both to please go to your individual "User CP" links and find the "Edit Ignore" link, and then please enter each other's username there, so that you do not see each others posts. Please maintain this for, let's say, a couple weeks - until December.

If you cannot do this voluntarily, I willl need to do something more drastic, such as a temporary (week long) ban from the community for you both - call it an enforced cooling off period. I really don't want to do that, so please do not put me in a position where I will need to do that (e.g., by communicating angrily with one another).

Paula, I'm sorry for your loss. Your loss is not an excuse for bad behavior, however.

Mark

[JustTrying]

Mark exactly what I was talking about.... in the other post where you asked for volunteers..... I think you are doing the right thing....

Sometimes emotions run high and a cooling off period can help....

Other than that I have said all I can in this thread.... I do not know what will become of these young men.. but I tried to talk to them,.. the are human beings and they did reach out....

I think Flows.. post was the strongest... she made good points... I just pray these young men understand and if need be get help...

I do not damn or condemn anyone for what they think... and yes I am one that has been hurt... as a child... but I try to respect they came here to talk about it and maybe get some insite...

I think Paula is in alot of pain and for that I am sorry.. and I am sorry about your loss...

JT

[Pseudonym]

Again I am sorry. I have violated the spirit of this site, and if you wish to make an example out of me, I understand that. I have done as you have suggested and placed her on to the ignore list. I am very sorry, I have caused much upset, and if you wish me to leave and not return I would respect that. There is no excuse for my words. Though well worded they were still directed and harmful, and I am to blame just as much as paula. Because I am the Junior member, I would understand if you wished to terminate my s/n, and my tenure here.

I again apologize, this subject was already emotional. I have made it worse because of my problems and my conjecture.

I would like it to be known that because of this site I have not had one fantasy since I joined, and my stress level has been down. Thank you for this site, and trust me, what has happened won't happen again.

- Anonymous

[Mark]

Nobody needs to leave - we just need a cooling off period here.

[kaudio]

Pseudonym and Paula, I too do not wish for either of you to leave. Disagreements are a part of human life, but it is important to understand where the boundaries are and to take steps to stop when one has crossed them. In this case, everyone has done precisely that. Please do not criticize yourselves or each other too harshly over this thread.

[FlowFreak]

when things were safe again to say, I'm sorry that I ran far away when emotions began to rise because I did want to and try to squeeze myself in there somewhere, but I just couldn't do it, and I am so sorry I wasn't able to do nothing, but feel afraid and helpless, and then run away from that.

I'm new here in this community, and there is/was already too much of me in this thread to put more of me in there, but I wish I could have moved out of my comfort zone and said or done something!

So, I will just say Just be :cool:, and for sure don't beat yourselves up about it because we've for sure had enough or have enough of that @!%&@ in our lives already! That's what I'm trying to tell myself for my lack of doing nothing! but run away! And don't move to another community! You need us, and we need you.

Gabby I agree I think Paula is in a lot of pain as well-I think often of you Paula and sorry for your loss.

(Edit)More so from just my thoughts while trying to keep my emotions in check.. I also think me telling scared what he wanted to know, and then feeling ignored, and my subsequent anger all of these combined triggered more painful emotions for Paula that were already churning she was trying to handle, and I can't get the rest out right now....

Edited November 13, 2008 by FlowFreak

[John Rutledge]

Dear Paula,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on your sad loss.

With very best wishes,

[Dunii]

Sorry if I missed something since I didn't bother to read all 17 pages lol, however I recently had similar "am I becoming a pedophile" fears just like this guy, I actually have a post on this forum about it. However I have since learned from multiple sources that I am NOT a pedophile and never have been, my fears merely stemmed from OCD. From what I have read of "scared"'s posts it seems to me, again based on what I have learned about OCD, that he is actually far more likely to be suffering from OCD than pedophilia, just my two cents.

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[Dunii]

@scared: Wooee! Are you gonna want to read this. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks you are less pedophile and more OCD. Did you know someone wrote an article about this very thread, and you? He talks about how the way you talk and act points towards OCD and not pedophilia. Check it out here: http://robertlindsay.blogspot.com/2008/09/pocd-versus-pedophilia-differential.html

You should prolly talk to a doctor (most likely one with a psychology background) and confirm that you have OCD, then get on some medication for it. I just started on Prozac to manage my Depression/Anxiety/OCD today. Here's hoping things look up for you, good luck.

Edited November 18, 2008 by Dunii

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared
removing the U

[paula]

Scared, there has been a lot of people who has supported you on this site including myself. Is that the way to thank us all by saying F*CK YOU!

You might say that, that is not what your saying, especially to all that have supported you, but this is a community and no one's qualified enough to give you the advice that you wanted?

We all tried our best, but thats not the way to show gratitude is it? Were not all perfect! not far off but hey thats me (ha!) No seriously! You asked people for advice and we gave it the best we could. Are you not happy that your not a Pedophile?

It doesn't mean that you have to stop coming on the site. I would of thought you had met some nice friends on here, including myself!

Edited January 29, 2009 by Mark
removing the U

[scared]

uouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuouh

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Awe Cheers Scared, I wondered where you'd gone too? I have missed you, you know! Get your arse back on here and give me some of your gip!

[scared]

Ill sureley be doing that. =)

Edited January 26, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Nice one Scared! Thats mi boy!

[Mark]

You've done just great here Paula. I thought you handled Scared's anger just perfectly, communicating your affection to him while also setting him straight.

Good for you Scared. I'm very glad that you are in therapy and that you are feeling relieved and have a better understanding of your true issues. If it is OCD rather than pedophilia, that is still a difficult issue to deal with, but there are far better treatments for managing that sort of thing than there are for pedophila.

I don't think anyone here has taken any pleasure in your fear that you might be a pedophile. We do take it all very seriously and of course we want to do what we can to protect potential victims, but hopefully without demonizing people in the process. It is very painful I imagine to be the target of that sort of angry scrutiny and I understand why you might be angry in response. I only hope that you also understand why people might jump to judgment based on how you presented yourself here, saying that you feared you are a pedophile. the people who are angry at pedophiles for abusing children are neither nazis nor feminists; they are by and large, people who are fearful of their children being preyed upon, or people who have themselves been preyed upon.

[scared]

ugbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Scared, it's not pleasure, believe me, it's called security!

I think there is a general opinion floating about which is that if you think you are one then you are one, when this is obviousley not the case, its not fair that a person who thinks they might be one cannot say it because they will be publicly scrutinised and humiliated, forcing them to introvertidley obsess to the point of mental breakdown.

Everyone is innocent until proven guilty! Everyone deserves a chance to prove their innocence scared, and that's what we gave you, a chance to prove yourself, and you did!

Scared, you came on this site asking for help, which we gave. Granted, not at first and I apologize for that, and I'm sure other's will, given the chance? I hold my hands up and say I'm sorry! But I gave you the benefit of the doubt! You did what others say they'll do but never do it? YOU SEEKED HELP! I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU SCARED! THAT MUST OF BEEN THE HARDEST THING THAT YOU HAVE HAD TO DO IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! IT TAKES GUTS AND COURAGE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!

I realise that the people on the hunt for the pedophiles are mostly people doing it for good, evereybodys got their own axe to grind, mine is that They need to realise that they are demonizing innocent people in the process and take measures to prevent this.

Precisely, I agree with you! They are demonizing innocent people, but them innocent people are chastising the fact that they are Pedophiles to begin with! So what can you expect?

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Hi Scared

Nice of you to get back to me, took you long enough Ha! Only joking mate!

People with ocd cant help but chastising about it because they just find themselves thinking about it, Its not their fault, POCD wouldnt even exist if it was that you was only a pedophile if you actually molested a child, who's in charge of that decision anyway?

Well think about it Scared, would you like your child molested by someone! You mentioned previously in a post that you wouldn't be bothered, but I think you will? Blood is thicker than water Scared, when it comes to the crunch, people see things in a different light!