i need help, badly

[andrew boren]

i honestly dont know, im streaching as far as i can to get help, even on facebook. i really need a girl in my life. i need to feel like i belong in this world still. i need to feel needed, special.

[Lindamomof7]

Kansas City

</B>DBSA KC Metro

Contact 1: Tony Terwelp

Phone: (816) 942-5802

Contact 2: Lois Hohn

Additional Phone: (913) 722-0360

Email: tterwelp@kc.rr.com

Website: www.depressionsupport.org</B>

[andrew boren]

i called they gave me some numbers to call. i finally stoped crying

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Andrew,

Good, did you call the other numbers? I am glad you are reaching out....

So what do you think made you stop crying?

[andrew boren]

nothing, i still want to, i feel so lonly. but i finally cryed enough. im gona loos it if i cant find someone to treat me like that tho.

[Lindamomof7]

I hope you can continue to reach out for yourself.

Happiness must come from within and not from needing someone else.

That will come but you have to get yourself well so you can have a healthy relationship with someone else

[Born to Perish]

Some people are evil vicious savages who do nothing, but take advantage of you, but you can't let them stop you. Fight the struggle you can do survive if you just find people who are more like you. Find people who have been victims in their lifetimes. I to search for these people, because I have just about given up on life as well, but you have a chance. You are okay enough to be able to live in harmony with the people who truly care about you. Some advice for you: Stay away from savage-like men, they cannot be trusted and ask around to see if you can find anyone who likes you and what you like. If you open up to certain people without giving too much of yourself away. You should be able to thrive in this world.

[andrew boren]

i wanted to say thank you, im sorry but i have not contacted mental help yet. i have gotten things under controol for now. sarah is back in my life talking to me, and my mind has calmed back down due to her. im glad u all were here to support me. right now i just got to get my finaces straitned out for college. im confused and lost abt that. i got to figure out what im gona do abt getting a job. cause i need one to be able to get food, and get my cloths cleaned, cause right now i have no clean cloths. i have no car, and i cant really use a car w/o a license. so idk what to do, i went to college takeing on a lot, and idk if i can handle it all at once, but sarah is back talking to me, so i feel better. i know i should probally call mental help, and get more info, but right now i just widthdrew from my classes, and i got to get things straitned out here first

[Lindamomof7]

I'm glad to hear from you Andrew.... I wish you luck in priortizing the important things in your life. Step by step, day by day.... but talking to someone is only a phone call away and they might be able to help you with your job search as well. The resources I gave you are local support for you and they are your best support right now..

And I am happy for you about Sarah, she seemed to be an anchor for you and I hope you work things out...

We are all here for you... sorry there was a delay in replying back, I had lost power with the snow storm we had....

Keep us posted and good luck!!!

[David O]

Good morning Andrew,

I'm glad she has returned and you no longer feel disconnected from life and the world. This is not an uncommon feeling for many of us and it seems that the harder we try to reconnect or feel OK, the more it highlights our separation, isolation and loneliness.

As you gain strength from your relationship with her, I would very, very strongly encourage you to do the following:

• reach out and develop 2-3 other close friendships which can serve as support also
  
• stay on your meds no matter what-- they're your lifeline and w/o them, another separation from your friend could overwhelm you and leave you in a worse place. When you get a chance, read up on the "kindling effect" regarding Bipolar Disorder, it may spur you to stay on your meds
  
• get a job if you don't have one-- not for money per se, but to give you a daily purpose and force you to meet and be with a consistent bunch of people day in and day out.
  
• this may sound silly, but do read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are exercises he gives so you can practice daily. Over time you'll develop a small network of relationships, which will reduce, and I hate to use this word but it must be said out of compassion and understanding-- your co-dependency on her. She cannot and should not be your sole source of life energy, it places too much pressure and power in her hands, which can leave you devastated should she ever leave again. Spread your sense of belonging and connectedness by knowing others, there's no other way to do this. Your illness is a difficult hurdle to deal with daily, this I know well; however, it is not a prison cell w/o escape.
  
• I know that the DeVry setting is not the best place for these issues (I graduated from DeVry in Phoenix decades ago), so this forces you a little to move out into the larger community. This is where volunteering at the Humane Society or a homeless shelter, attending church regularly, joining a book club or group, etc., may be a lifesaver.
  

I hope you take these suggestions seriously and will follow up on them. I'll return to ask you how you're doing on them (yep, I'm a bit of a "Pit Bul" at times).

Good luck Andrew and please stay in touch,

David

[andrew boren]

well its me, u guys wanted me to keep in contact. i am trying to get more friends, im trying to let go of sarah, because it is killing me, my heart hurts so bad, all the time, i cant get her out of my head, knowing that today she is gona go to a basketball game with her new bf, the things i want to do i will never get to do, and it hurts so bad. i never got to have fun. never got to go to a school dance. im missing out on alot, and it hurts. i "meet a girl, over the net", lol thats a song called she frekin blocked me, lol. sorry, here latly my mind is trying to make me smile, with not to much luck. anyway i did meet a girl, and she is cool, i like talking to her, and listing to what she has to say. i like her alot, but now im worring more, if i say something and offend her, or if i open up to her, i wont be able to stop, and it will be a flood for her. me and sarah are talking, and every time she says his name, or post for her status, something abt him, it kills, the pain is so much. i looked up kindling effect and yes it is probally happening to me, like how i cant let myself get up, everytime i get up on my own, i kick myself down, bc of the constant time everyone else kept me down. but the meds were not helping. anyway, i will keep in toutch.

[Born to Perish]

If you need some advice from me just ask and I will be available. I come here everyday. Don't let that woman upset you, you are a goodhearted person that deserves alot better.

[andrew boren]

well my heart has stoped hurting, mainly because sarah is trying, she and i are talking well now. she has started to trust me, and open up to me. my heart still hurts from time to time, but i found out she has not given up on me being "more" i dont know what to think. its kinda over wealming.

[samspruce]

Hi Andrew

I have just read this thread and the first thing I want to say is thank you for getting here and telling people what it is really like.

This forum is full of lots of very different people. Everyone has lots to offer and no one has everything to offer. I notice that you have had different views expressed about your medication. There is no arguing with heaps of research about the beneficial effects of some drugs. But there is always a context and assumptions behind the research and the facts. So whether you should take the drugs or not is a tough one. At the end of the day my experience tells me that you will make the right decision for you whatever it is. I think pain sometimes gets close to pushing us over the edge and if it takes drugs to stop that happening take the lot. But I am not convinced that drugs are the way to heal. They may help and they may hinder but healing is something humans are equipped to do for themselves too.

I have a view on your condition which is largely un-informed medically and it goes like this. When you get hurt you react to it. That reaction is the bodies way of dealing with the injury and it provides the very best form of healing. Your distress experienced when Sarah left has two dimensions; 1. She left - that is a real and now thing and it hurts. It would make anyone cry (she sounds very understanding). 2. It triggered a heap of unresolved distress that you carry around with you from your past.

I think that your crying was necessary and magnificent. I think that it is your route to dealing with your past. I think you should cry and cry as much as you want because every bit of it is the bodies way of processing the experience you have had. I believe this is how we learn, how we embrace the experiences we have into our very being. When we process the pain we understand the world better and become stronger and more compassionate and every part of you can resonate in harmony with your whole life's experience.

Andrew you sound like a very strong, very brave, very persistent and very powerful person. Keep at it. You are both fortunate and unfortunate to have the experiences you have had. The only thing I would suggest is that whether or not things seem better or worse you should keep looking for a place where you can feel safe to express your feelings. For example seek counselling or psychological help (no one will fool you I can tell) because you can work piece meal on your past problems and every inch of progress you make is another inch forward. It is never wasted.

Keep at it and I am wishing you all success - Sarah is a lucky girl just to know you.

[andrew boren]

well, i got a new girlfriend, im trying to find what im missing, the girl loves me, i have a place to belong, i feel needed, wanted, like i matter, everything i want. but something is missing, im not happy. i feel bad that im dating her and im not happy. i got to figure out what is going on inside of me, b4 i hurt her. it seams like me and sarah are moving farther and farther apart, and its starting to hurt. i want to go back, i want to fix my mistakes, i want to be happy again.

[samspruce]

Hello Andrew

First thing to say is I'm glad you have a temporary reprieve. That is good.

Two things you say interested me:

1. "i got to figure out what is going on inside of me" and

2. "i want to go back, i want to fix my mistakes, i want to be happy again."

I could explain my theory of how we operate but it would take a page or two. So I will simply tell you what I think. If you want a little more explanation of how it all works just ask. (And this works for me but it might not work for you so it is just my view of the world )

First thing is that us humans are more remarkable than we think. You have exactly described what you need/want to do and it seems to me you are spot on.

In short I guess you have been hurt in the past and not been able to process the pain. This leaves you with unprocessed experience and so you continue to run into the same type of problem with the same unresolved reactions. In other words you will continue to make the same mistakes (like all of us). It is as likely as not that you have no conscious knowledge of the underlying issue. You'll have clues but you are not likely to be able to know what it is. But the repeated experiences are still tapping into the same "unresolved" issues so they are a good enough start. Your crying the other night was a response to your experience. It probably carried old hurt too. I think you need to do a lot more crying. Tell me if I am wrong but I am guessing that you have been conditioned to "stop crying". So only when it is overwhelming do you cry and you stop as soon as you can. This type of conditioning is not easy to overcome because it is learnt behaviour. But I think you should allow yourself to feel as unhappy as you want and to cry or scream or shake or laugh and applaud it. Thank yourself for the compassion you have for yourself. By processing the past pain (using current hurts is fine) you will simply float into a new perception and understanding of the world. In short you will heal. Without particularly knowing it you will exactly "go back", "fix your mistakes" and "feel happy again".

My experience tells me that the best way to do this is to find a counsellor and to let your feelings out. (Unfortunately not all counsellors work but I guess you have to start somewhere.) But close understanding friends work too (sometimes and to different degrees). You need to feel really safe and perfectly good in your feelings. That is the only way I know to allow them to flow.

So in short, I think you are right, I think you are very clever, and I think you are well on the road to helping yourself make progress that even you will be amazed at.

And I am very sorry that you are having to go through this crap because you sound like a really nice, loving and sensitive bloke.

[Born to Perish]

Andrew you are a good person. What you need to do is to talk to your lover about your feelings if you feel that you need to and if you need to get relationship conselling then you can get that too. If you locate Sarah then you can make the decision on whether an apology is in order from either her or you. Compromise and peaceful understanding can help you in situations like this. I am so sorry you are currently unhappy. I hope that we can make you feel better, as this is a place of healing and rejuvenation. If I did not assist well enough with these comments feel free to listen to Samspruce on this subject. He's a really sweet guy and I'm sure he will be able to help for he is also very wise and perceptive. Be safe sweetie and follow your heart completely, no holds barred. When you do this the you've got all you need to make it through.

[andrew boren]

it does not matter how nice and careing, loveing smart, i am. i cant have a normal relationship, i can read everyone, every gf i have had tells me they hate that i can read them, when no one else can, i cant stop from learning them, but sarah was diffrent, i could not learn her compleatly...i stood a chance to have a normal relationship with her. but now i dont have any hope. i want to give up, i dont see a point to finish college. i dont see a point to sleep, eat, anything. i dont know how to get the feeling back in my life, it has been a month or since i lost sarah, and still nothing in me has changed. im dateing julie, and im not happy, something in me is gone. i should be happy. i want to cry thinking about it, that im empty, that im gona hurt julie..

[Born to Perish]

Hurting Julie won't make you feel any better. You shouldn't have given up on Sarah if you didn't want this to happen. It is so sad that you are in this situation. Please don't hurt Julie. It will not get you any closer to Sarah. If you truly loved Sarah then why would you have engaged in another relationship when you were still at liberty to chase after her? You have currently trapped yourself, but you can make it out. If I were you, I'd see if Sarah still loved me and then if she did, I'd find a way to influence Julie to dump me. This probably won't work though. To be honest I am way over my head now, but you need assistance so you will not throw your life away. Think about your dreams and your family. Listen to your heart and don't give in. You will find a way to cope with this situation. May the best of luck to you sweetie. And let us all beseech the blessings of almighty God, upon this great and noble undertaking...

[samspruce]

Hello Andrew

It sounds as if you are having a tough time of it at the moment. I'm not quite sure what you mean by "reading" people. Do you mean the sort of thing like when they don't tell you something but you can see through the mask so to speak? An example being when someone is nervous and they are pretending to be confident.

I understand how you have this difficulty with trying to get over Sarah and then it just not working out right with Julie. It seems your heart is still with Sarah. You said you were talking to Sarah again (in your earlier post). Is that still the case?

I know it might be very unsatisfactory but sometimes these things really do take time to settle down. I know it must seem endless though.

Thinking of you

Sam

[shye1]

Hey Andrew, you need a little more time to get over Sarah. A month is pretty soon and naturally no other girl is going to feel the same right now. If it helps, try to remember that everyone goes through heartbreak, but like others, you can get through it. Let yourself feel the pain, don't try to suppress it. It's all a part of life. Maybe you don't want to hear this but noone, other than yourself, will ever make you feel complete. It is true other people can help us be our best selves but its always our choice to feel what we feel. Perhaps because you loved Sarah so much, you wanted to be a better person when you were with her but it wasn't her that made you feel better, it was you, because you chose to. Therefore you can, and will, feel that again. But so soon after a break up I wouldn't expect you to be feeling that great. It'll take time to get there again but you will in the future. Just keep moving forward the best you can. If you're overwhelmed with school, take a break. Do whatever is necessary to look after yourself. I'm also overwhelmed with the thought of having a job and studying at the same time while generally taking care of myself. It's not easy! But I remind myself that I'm not the first person to take on such responsibility and if I take it one step at a time, I'll get there. Maybe you could live with some friends, or in a dorm at school so you have company? Company is good at times like this.

Oh I also wanted to say, its a good thing you can read people. Theres nothing worse than someone who is completely insensitive to others feelings. You might benefit from a girl, or anyone really, who can read you just as well.

[andrew boren]

i dont know anymore, me and sarah talk, but i dont know what to say, i feel like a little kid trying to talk to a girl for the first time, i also noticed that i can tell her what is going on inside of me, i cant small talk, idk what is going on with that. i cant find any words to say. after knowing her for so long i still cant find the words, i feel so worthless all the time, when i say i can read someone i mean in everything, i can see threw their mask, i can know what they want to do, and what they are thinking, i hate it, when someone gets hurt so bad from an x bf that they lock up the feeling of love, and every time thy get close you become a friend again, just knowing that hurts, knowing the thing u fought so hard for is with someone else, makes me want to rip out my heart, i walk to class and the pain in my chest is so bad i want to just kill over, i honestly dont know how long i can hold on. if this is a test by god he needs to stop, i had asked him for help the night b4 she started to date him, i begged god to help me help her, and this is what i got. im trying to focus my attention on everyone else now, so im not in pain, the pain gets so bad i have to hit my chest to remove that pain. i have meet3 sweet girls after everything that has happened between me and her, and i like them, but i dont get it, i cant figure out how i like them, they are all jumbled, my emotions cant get straitened. one girl is alot like me, and the other is a girl named krae on facebook, i dont like to tell peoples real names, but we talk and she is cool, and i like her, but i still dont know how. i feel so empty.

[Born to Perish]

Look Dale don't tell Glidewell there's a baboon, it's not a baboon! LOL... Oh sorry is this thing on? Andrew... Andrew.... Andrew.... (sigh) ---- What? :confused: I seriously am confused, I thought everything was going better, but now... okay I know you feel empty and I am very sorry, however life is all about horrible happennings that no one understands and now you have found yourself in a horrible situation. Take the advice of the community and from me as your friend- seriously be true to your heart. Look within. It is the only way. I am going to stick with you. I don't turn my back on family. Andrew, you will prevail. Trust your heart and respond back okay sweetie.

[andrew boren]

well im still alive, tho the pain will not go away, im trying to trick my mind into thinking sarah hates me and wants me dead, this way i can go into seclusion, i have a few friends who are their for me now. so im doing alright. like i said im not dead yet. i will keep everyone posted, bc i do believe that you guys have helped me, and that you guys worrie abt me, even tho u dont know me much, i still cry from time to time, im starting to surpress everything one at a time. its working, im crying less and less.

[Born to Perish]

Right on! You are going to be just fine ese! Orale bato! You have what it takes to have a great life Andrew! Remember you can talk to me about anything. I will return! Orale arriba la raza!;):cool: