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Which therapy?


Autognosy

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I know I am absent for so long, but I have a question right now.

My parents came to town and made a fuss out of nowhere! My dad had an issue...like bipolar and I could see it coming since morning so in the evening he tried to make me have a quarrel with him.

I tried to stay calm, didn't give them the opportunity to have a fight, I just grabbed my shoes and walked out of the room saying nothing. My mom came after me to tell me to go and talk to him or whatever...I couldn't hear her couse I had my earplugs on and kept tapping my ears saying "sorry, I can't do this". I though I managed pretty well, but next morning-when they left the city-I started yelling "go to hell" and hitting things. I think the whole neighbour could hear me.

That's in short.

So my question is: I want a therapy. I mean 1 appointment cause there is no money to do it often, so, which is the best place to go?

1) I need to talk about my dads situation and ask what kind of disorder the therapist things it is. That will make things so much easier, knowing by fact that he is ill, so maybe things look less emotional under that fact.

2) I need to be told a method to relax everytime they mess with my life and mind.

3) Maybe I could use a siatsu massage right before he comes, or right after he leaves. (Done it in the past once, and was perfect-I was so relaxed and happy right after that).

So I am trying to figure out where to go. I want it to be in my area so, if I like the therapist, I could do an emergency call if ever needed in the future (something tells me that I will need it..)

But would it be better to go now, in a therapist that has studied? Or in siatsu in which philosophy believe? I mean they look you as a whole, body and mind. They talk to you to know you, then practice the siatsu, then have again a big talk about your concerns, life etc.

And when would it be good? Right now that I am living it and it's so fresh? Or leave it for a period where my parents will come to town again, so I can benefit double? On the other hand I am afraid that if I leave it again, I'll postpone it as I have done so many times in the past...

These are real questions, right? :P

I could use some answers...

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Sorry, Auto. I'm getting a little worried about offering advice so much, though, because I don't really know more than the next person.

How important is it to know whether your Dad is sick or not? You know that he causes you pain, and that it's normal to be angry if you're hurt. My concern is the idea that one-time therapy will fix anything. It's a long process to get over what our parents "taught" us as children ...

I'm sorry that their visit was unpleasant for you.

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It is always unpleasant, for years and years.

I don't think that one visit to a therapist will solve my problems, but I have to talk to someone and hear something that explains all that, plus any advice I can get. And I need someone to tell me I am right, I need to hear that it's not my fault for the verbal abuse, I need to hear that I am not a loser, not fat, not have an attitude, not whatever... Enough is enough with the guilts they are passing me so many years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, if the therapists were free, I'd be an everyday member-that's for sure...

The thing is...even though I had a great childhood, for over 20 something years and as the time passes by, I don't recognize them. I mean, I always felt as a stranger "member" of this family, but sort of I am proud of it, cause that meant I had a heart and was not a sheep accepting that sick situations was "allright". I also now can see that my attitude that blocks me in my life, is not at all unrelievant to their attitude towards me, but it's fine, I don't blame them, I can heal it, it's just the past. The real problem comes with the fact that they don't leave me in peace in the present. If they did, I'd leave all the damage made, in the past. But now they mess with my psychology and when they see they ruined it, they say "oh, we love you and care and we are here for you", just a way to clear their place and feel ok. But what about my place? Did they ask me if I want them to be here? I DON'T cause they hurt me. In fact, now in my 31 years, I finally understand enough to say -without any fear or regret- that they HIT me (instead of just hurt me), even though they never never layed a hand on my body. I really can feel their strikes and the hell with their love! If this is love, I'd rather live and die alone. That would be happiness!

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Oh Auto, that's easy: you're not at fault for verbal abuse you received. I know what it feels like ...

I'm glad you have a chance to get angry, here with me. We all need a place to do that.

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Thank you malign. You know, he has accused us-the children-for using him. He has told us years ago to see what will do with finding a job cause he can't work anymore. I am not strong to manage, I need him as a backup, but I don't use him!!! I worked but I didn't go to university so things are not easy for me. It's a great accuse that no one can ignore, but I believe that if he didn't like work, he would have dismiss half of his clients and we could still live, or he could just say "I can't work more like that, but if you want me to keep supporting you psychological as long as financial I have to work half hours".

Now, what he does is...working as hell and blaming us. But we never asked him to. Whenever he asks me if I need money I say "no" and that goes for years... Only time I asked him something was 1-2 years ago for a pair of shoes and this year for the dentist. I mean... who is he kidding? He has depression and a slight alcohol problem (it used to be much worse). I don't know what caused what, but I can't take the blame anymore-sorry :o

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