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Action on the threads


Symora

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Man, all this negative action on the treads is getting to me... I used to love this forum because it was positive, pleasant, and I felt I could get some good, genuine advice and support. Then along come a few negative people who are bound and determined to overide what anybody else thinks or feels, and the whole thing goes all chaotic. It was not easy finding a safe forum, and I guess this one is subject to the same negativity as all the other ones....

Today I got PMd over and over again by someone who was just banned. Now he is playing poor him, so misunderstood, but when he was writing to everyone else he made no effort to understand them, just tried to ram his ideologies down everybody's throat. So many people reached out to him, to no avail, and now we are the bad guys! Never once did he says sorry, or withdraw something that someone pointed out as being offensive, or a kind word to someone else, but now we are expected to do that for him ... no, I don't agree, he is being manipulative and is now playing the poor me card, although yesterday we were clowns to him.

I find that so discouraging! Perhaps it is triggering me because it has happened to me personally too often. I am kind to someone, help them, go out of my way to understand and be supportive, then when I feel I am being taken advantage of and I set a boudary, then the person turns mean, like I've never tried to be nice to them, then I get treated like dirt.... I'm so tired of that pattern...

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I'm with you, Symora. I feel very discouraged and emotionally exhausted from all of this. I just banned yet another screen name for eNIGMA. I also suspect that Watchdog was LE. This is sad, just sad. :o

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I hate drama now, it exausts me too. I can understand that these guys are in deep pain because of their sexual challenges, but I get really tired of the self-righteousness. Maybe that's one thing we need to learn how to do in the forum - how to deal with frustration that is demontrated as anger or agressiveness. I feel completely powerless against that when the other person is so self-righteous they have no capacity to hear any other point of view. You try to reach out, get them to see things from another perspective, but they are not interested because it's all about them and their obsession...

In saying that I realize that this is how I felt in my last relationship too, he used anger to manipulate the situation to turn in his favour, and there was nothing to do to be heard because he was on a rampage. So eventually I just let him talk and pulled away.

I am having that type of urge now, just move on from the forum. But there are so many wonderful people here and it has filled such a hole in my life, I think it may be worth fighting for :-)

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Well, another PM, this one two full pages long from Enigma. I am now the specific target for his anger, and Notmary of all people. I am apparently the worst of the worst, not even worthy of participating in this forum, especially not as a moderator, as if that required me to be perfect, which I'm not... How long is he going to do this? I am finding it harder and harder to remain strong with regards to this intense barrage of anger coming it me ... now I know how David feels :-)

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I"m sooooooo sorry symora. You don't deserve this and I have no idea how any of this is directed to you. Notmary too!! she is such a gentle soul....it's not right. I'm with you on the emotional exaustion part and I feel guilty and almost like I'm neglecting the newcomers because so much energy is being spent on this person!!!!! You didnt do anything wrong and you are a great moderator. This person lashing out inrrationally does not change that!!!!

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Thanks... I very much appreciate hearing that. Sometimes I'm not so sure this is a job for me, I'm not good with boundaries :-( I can't wait until he gets tired and leaves, although I suspect that just such a fight is what he is needed in order to feel alive, be able to push against something concrete...

You have nothing to feel guilty about - that is the weapon of these types. They make you second guess yourself, attack you where they suspect you are weak. Still through all of this he never wrote one single line about his perhaps having gone too far, been insensitive. Nothing, like nobody else exists ...

That's what I've always appreciated about everyone here, how they have the capacity to self reflect and understand that their words could be taken out of context and misunderstood. I have seen so many people say I'm sorry, but not him. No consideration for anyone, but he wants lots of consideration. It's all manipulation...

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I'm so sorry Symora that this has you down. :o I find your voice on the forum to be very strong, soothing, compassionate and wise. I'm sorry that eNIGMA has been lashing out at you. Hopefully with all of us on this we can put a stop to this. Take care.

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Thank you ladies. I'm feeling better today, more detached from what was going on. I'm going back to focusing on offering support where I can and hopefully the storm has passed, as Mark would say ...

You have been great through all of this, the forum is lucky to have you both :-)

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