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Other Meaningless Numbers



Hah, another meaningless number: it's Friday the 13th. :-)

I've never been superstitious, but it's starting to amuse me, how little attention I pay, on the inside, to measurements of any kind, any more.

My young self was nearly obsessed with measurement. I constantly checked measures of progress when I was dieting, for instance. I needed to. If I didn't see progress, couldn't measure my gains, I had no belief that the progress had happened. If my grades fell, I was frightened, or in those cases where my performance was lowered by depression, I just got more depressed.

The same thing with self-esteem. If I didn't get enough positive feedback in some given time period, I began to doubt. I would make an effort to perform, for my mother or for anyone else who would be impressed. I'd be uncomfortable with new people until I had made some joke or popped out some interesting bit of trivia; for me, "breaking the ice" meant getting some sign of approval out of the situation.

Where did all that go? Well, I guess it's not gone completely; it has just diminished in importance so much that I don't even notice its absence.

Now, I talk to people because I like to; I joke with them because I enjoy laughter, theirs and mine. I share what I know because it might help someone. I walk with other people on their journeys, because it enriches mine.

In other words, I'm a lot happier now.

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Funny you should say that, I sort of feel that way too now. I really attibute much of it to the forum, it seems to have calmed me to be able to be me and be treated kindly in that, always. And reaching out to others, being there for others is very enriching, as you say. Overall, a good mental health forum is a good tool to improve mental health I think :-) Do you feel the forum has helped you make that transition or did it happen with something else?

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