Today I feel normal. The Bad Thoughts are still there in the background but it is like the volume is turned way down and I can ignore them. Actually getting work done (present activity notwithstanding ). For the first time in months I feel no urge to harm myself. This is a good sign because I was starting to form plans.
Most importantly, I have stopped freaking out like I have been for the past few days. I was in so much pain before that I was not functioning rationally. I was badly paranoid - god it seems so weird looking back on it from a different state of consciousness. I took one dose of seroquel on Monday and then skipped on Tuesday because I needed to be up in the morning. Is it possible that 36 hrs after a single dose it could start working? Probably not so I don't know what to attribute this to except getting more sleep.
Slept a good 8 hrs Monday night thanks to the seroquel's sedating side effect, and a whole 2.5 hrs last night. OK that might not sound great but compared to 4-5 hrs/night this is a decent improvement.