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I am back from most of two days at my parents and Easter lunch. Not sure what to say. It was hard. It was hard to cope. They all love me and support me, but by the time I left I was fighting back tears. Nothing bad happened. I guess it was just a family get together when i am messed up and with less coping mechanisms.

I thought I had more to say.


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I think family gatherings serve to remind us of the "family" that is not there who we desperately want there by our side. So now we are back to distraction here on the MHN site. Filling the void. Waiting for something good to happen. I find myself almost "willing" it to happen. Oh well, probably better than getting depressed about it. Hope you are feeling a little better now Waiting.

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Waiting.... Go on a holiday. I went to GOA and just went shopping one entire day and then spent my time on the beach all day on the other 2 days!!!! I am back home so refreshed and feeling much much better. Now I have decided to keep myself super busy in work and indulge in hobbies and learning new skills. I just bought a keyboard and learning to play the piano as I always wanted to. Think of the positive. Now you have all the time in the world without anyone interrupting or putting you down emotionally. Your current situation is understandable as I went through it myself. Feel everything that you are feeling but slowly start diverting your mind.

Buy guided meditation tapes, they work wonders on calming you down. Hope this helps.

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Thanks SW. I can't go on a holiday.

I can't stop my mind thinking about this and I can't really enjoy anything and I have no money.

Everything I try right now fails. I can't eve really read books. I work every day at diversions. I have been trying to divert my mind or distract myself for about two years due to everything that is going on. I was trying to survive my trial so that I could get back together with my girlfriend and move on. Now she is gone. Now I have to redesign my life.

I can calm myself at times and enter a very calm state, but I can't stay there.

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We have to go through the rain to see the rainbow.

I understand whatever you are going through.

I think its important to talk about what you are going through.

Typing about it may be limited help.

I'm sorry you cant stay in a calm state. Neither could I for a very long time and I'm not totally calm now either but I'm working on it. How long ago did you break up?

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I just watched a hilarious video. Google "This dog is guilty". If you know dog personalities at all, this is just classic. Oh, now I remember why I just thought of it, I was going to ask if you like animals and if you have any pets. Do you?

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Thanks Athena,

Not sure why, but the video made me sad.

I do like pets, but I don't have any. We were looking at getting some ferrets. That is my gf and I.

Everything comes back to her. We had so many plans.

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Sorry to trigger you. BTW I had a ferret once. They are funny little creatures but smelly, even with the scent glands removed. Maybe you should look at getting a small sociable animal. They are great distractions and great company. (unless it happens to be your brother's cat, who insists on walking all over your iPad when you sit down to type.)

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Hey Athena,

Don't worry about triggering me. So may things do that it is impossible to not do so. As I have said before everything eventually come back to my girlfriend. We had so much of a life planned out that nothing could escape it.

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I have a similar problem with triggers. Here I was having a perfectly good morning. Then I think about doing the winter/spring changeover, remembering I have to see if last years' camp clothes still fit my daughter, then I think about how I just paid a huge bill for camp, and that it will be like pulling teeth trying to get half out of their Dad, then I think about how I just gave him everything he asked for in the latest mediation and how he is now not happy with that and wants more and the fear that if I give in again, he will just keep repeating the cycle until everything is gone. And then I think that death by starving and freezing in sub-zero temperatures due to being destitute is at least not suicide so perhaps the torment CAN end without me going straight to hell.

Sorry - just thinking about getting triggered triggers me. Time for a better distraction now. Hope you're having a good weekend.

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Thanks Athena and I am sorry. Explaining always triggers me to some degree, but it all comes back to what I have lost,how unjust it feels and how I feel I will never regain any of it.

I hope you succeed in your distractions and have a wonderful weekend.

I have family over helping me fix the basement. I feel kind of useless and yet thankful.

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Hello, Waiting and Athena,

When I was listening to this song yesterday, I was thinking of you a lot. I don't know if it's a good idea to share the lyrics with you, as the song might likely make you more sad for a while, but... when I feel bad I love to listen to songs that can express the sadness or pain... so... here it is:

Drive (by The Cars)

Who's gonna tell you when

It's too late?

Who's gonna tell you things

Aren't so great?

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong, oh, no

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Who's gonna pick you up

When you fall?

Who's gonna hang it up

When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention

To your dreams?

Who's gonna plug their ears

When you scream?

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong, oh, no

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

Who's gonna hold you down

When you shake?

Who's gonna come around

When you break?

You can't go on

Thinking nothing's wrong, oh, no

Who's gonna drive you home tonight?


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Thanks LaLa,

I love that song. I am glad you shared it even if it made me sad. There are a few ways one can interpret the song, but the way I interpret it is very much how I feel about my x-gf. I wonder who is going to take care of her and who is going to tell her that something is wrong.


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the way I interpret it is very much how I feel about my x-gf. I wonder who is going to take care of her and who is going to tell her that something is wrong.

This is exactly the way how I expected you would interpret it... :D

A., W.,

you're welcome :)

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Again LaLa,

Don't feel sad. I am glad you shared it with me. I love to have songs that reflect so clearly how I feel.

There is another song by The Cars that reminds me a lot of how I feel about my x-gf. It is called Just What I needed.


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