Haven't been writing here because nothing that I needed to capture has been going on. I'd gone back to previous drinking habit of 4-5/night. Last night I was too busy though and only had 1. It seems that I won't drink as long as I have something better to do, which is pretty obvious but when you're trying to change a habit some of that obvious stuff isn't noticed.

I've been badly depressed lately and even thought about going home sick because I couldn't focus. I made it through though by doing some deep breathing and listening to music while I worked. I also tried to work as fast as possible which helps me concentrate.

Deep breathing is a double edged sword though. If I do it too much then my anxiety goes up because I start worrying that I'm just going to have to spend the whole day managing my anxiety.

Intrusive thoughts have been hell lately. That and more imagery. I don't really mind the imagery part and I've been trying to accept the intrusive thoughts but they keep saying I should kill myself. It's no fun to have to deal with that all day.

Getting back into meditation and looking for Yoga classes. Yoga helps me not drink because it makes me really feel how badly it's impacting me. With exercise I only see a performance problem if I'm drinking and doing something else, but I've gone into yoga thinking I wasn't hung over and come out thinking I have to quit drinking.