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Today thought about how useful is it to even get upset. It doesn't really do much good, if anything it makes your problem worse because energy spent bitching about it could be spent doing something. Yet people still do it. It's an impossible double bind, sort of like forcing somebody to relax. The harder you try to do it, the more impossible it becomes. I learned this from job interviews. You look more credible if not nervous, so I try to force myself to calm down. Doesn't work. Doing nothing just lets the nervousness go.

I've been doing better about not getting upset at daily things. I just get scared when people drive like they are texting at the same time and not paying attention. If I put a camera on my dashboard I would capture something ridiculous probably 3 days out of five.

Not thinking about suicide as much, more just thinking about death without causing it to myself. Not trying to quit drinking again yet. I'll do that "tomorrow." Maybe alcohol is my slow suicide. It used to be smoking, but I quit, now drinking seems to have taken its place.


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Recently quit therapy. Therapist basically would get the story of my week and then say, "OK.. what can you to do to fix that?" With very little feedback except prompting me to list pros and cons of a decision.

I can brainstorm and list pros and cons on my own. I've already been in therapy a while and it has helped but a truly good therapist is currently outside of my price range.

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What do you envisage a 'truly good therapist' to do for you or with you? Feedback? What do you mean or are you looking for from a therapist, or therapy? I'm thinking its not so much about exploring pro's/con's judgementally, but coming to a realization, eventually, that it is ourselves that pull our own strings, and that indeed we do have choices, and beliefs that are perhaps fuelling our reactiveness that could be examined as to their actual usefulness. imho

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Good therapist would give me an accurate diagnosis and help me understand my condition so that I can get better.

By contrast a marginal therapist, as I had before, only focuses on making sure I'm not assembling tools for committing suicide. Helpful, but I would rather have a resolution than just barely coping with a problem.

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If its a physical condition, a diagnosis is helpful from examining the evidence. With an emotional 'condition,' the common ingrediant of fear and unhappiness, supports most variations/reactions. Knowing this, there would be much usefulness in finding a therapist that will fascilitate realizing ones freedom and power to choose differently, and do so.

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