So last night was not my brightest moment and i was really flailing. I've been thinking about why that might be and I've noticed that lately I've been obsessed with doing what I'm "supposed to" you know eat right, exercise, brush your teeth don't talk to strangers, getting on better with associate contemporaries... as if being the most boring person on the planet would somehow ensure that I never have any problems.

I wonder if it is not time to say to hell with that and embrace the fact that I don't fit no matter how much I would prefer to qualify for sainthood. Stop trying to keep up with fashion and wear all black when I feel like it (come to think of it though it's usually religious folks who have a penchant for black such as priests, the Amish, you get the picture). Of course I don't want to turn around and be a jerk suddenly but I suspect I need to cut myself some slack or I will never get off the floor.

Changing avatar to reflect this. Johnny Cash was never a model or a hero to me, although I have always respected him and his work. It seems as I get older, I find more of the man in black inside myself. For the duration of this experiment of allowing myself out, the image of Cash will serve as a reminder of independence from outside approval.