An hour ago, I experienced my first anxiety attack in four days, which almost a new record for me. I'm really starting to look at what triggers them, and I know that the last two have occurred in the laundry room. I know what triggered this one. I picked up a hooded sweatshirt that used to be my brothers and saw the paint stains on it. The first thing that I thought when I saw the stains, was how regardless what it was, he would provide for his family no matter how much he struggled, no matter how much he hurt, and no matter how hard the work. I knew those paint stains had come from a home he had remodeled for someone, putting his blood, sweat and tears into it, I'm sure. He was quite a perfectionist. I just statrted freaking out, I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to pass out- I just couldn't catch my breath. What the hell is wrong with me??!!
The one I had four days ago was similar because it happened in the same room, but what triggered the anxiety attack was I guess what would be considered a flashback? I was just walking into the laundry room to get the clothes out of the drier and saw my brother in the casket. It knocked the wind out of me and I immediately sat on the floor. That same day I had another one in shower because I had a flashback of the same thing. I don't understand why I'm having more of these when time is supposed to make things better. I feel that I have accepted the loss of my brother and that I have made progress, but then this starts happening more and more frequently which really sets me back.
When I experience this, it makes me question my sanity. I know that once I receive my insurance again, that this will be the first thing I discuss with my therapist, but I'm too embarrassed to talk to my husband about it. I told him once when it first happened and he just looked at me. I hate this!