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f'king stupid, but ya know wot - I am so passed givin' a shit.



My head is on a head fuck mission. I know it is. Shit I am so bloody scewerd the now. I dont get it. Im doing good. Well I reckon I am, but ya know ALL I can think about tonight, is just taking the whole damn fucking pre-script, and have one with it.

I dont get it, not sure I am meant to either, just now that it seems 'just' to say a huge ''fuck you'' to the world. Im not even depressed, actually relatively calm - for me at any rate, shit Im even feeling ptetty rational. God only knows what the fuck Im playing at, just plain WEIRD. Beam me up scotty. :


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There's a huge fraction of the world that deserves a "fuck you" ... It's just all tangled up in the part of the world that makes it all worth it.

The question is, how does taking all your pills at once do anything to the world? All it does is hurt you, or remove you. It's more like a "fuck you" to you.

Maybe it makes some sense to take a break from the world, a little, if it's too much for you, right now. But it can be a rest, a vacation, a restorative for you, rather than a destructive act, can't it?

"One to beam up, aye, Cap'n."

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hmmm, dunno what the heck my head was playing at last night, but I have fallen out with it - if thats possible, reckon it must be coz im certainly cross with me this morn.

yep big bro I know taking pills aint the answer, or the solution, to well anything. Not sure why I went so quickly into that old path of thought, Im doing okay better than I have in years - go figure.

Jai, thanks for the picture - sheer brilliance, and made me smile :(

finding I dont think Im allowed pets here, I'd like a pet but Im not on the ground floor either, so have no garden - wouldnt be fair on the animal. Maybe I could get a pet fish or teripin though, have to check with the landlady.

Havnt got work today, so Im going to the monks place, to meditate for the afternoon. Clear the rattle from me brain, and hopefully find a little calm and balance before work tomorrow. Hope everyone is okay - and sorry for being such a dumbass last night.

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decided to phone in sick from work today - though technically Im not feeling unwell just a tad iffy. Had hoped that a afternoon of meditating would click my stupid head into the right frame, but well it didnt. See my therapist tomorrow, Im sure that will help me put recent things into some sort of perspective.

Crazy days !!! :( gotta smile though - im not keen on the alternative, so yeah :( all round :(

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