My problem at last. Clear as it can be as it sits before my face in full view for the first time. I can't fix, erase, change things that has occurred.
I can't change the fact Charlie is gone. I can't change the fact he didn't tell me he was struggling with addiction. I can't put on my cape and tights and save all those struggling with addiction with my super hero powers. I don't have the knowledge or the ability to get through. I have got to accept that now, or forever spend my life trying to do the impossible.
I cannot change what I have become. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, and suffering from either severe grief or PTSD. Maybe both. I've got to accept that too.
I cannot change the cruel words that have left me so insecure of myself. I can not change fearing things that have happened to me over and over again.
Instead of trying to change all the hand I've been dealt, and crying about it, I'm just going to have to move on and learn to cope.
I need to quit kidding myself by thinking that happiness is just out reach, when it left out of sight a long time ago. Misery is my new state of mind. Deal with it, cope with it, adapt to it.
I can't help other people, if I can't even help myself. I've got to accept that which I cannot change.