I got my medicaid card through the mail, so today I'm calling my therapist. I've had just about all that I can take. I've been pushed to my limits. I feel like I'm losing it. Everywhere I look, I see my worthlessness. I feel like everyone else sees it too.
My in-laws came up to visit yesterday. No warm greetings, no hug, not even a hello. I don't understand that. My husband has been giving me a lot of lip since he lost his job, and I can't help but wonder what he's said to them. Seems he can't talk to them when I'm around, only when I'm asleep or gone. Is that why they act so strange? What am I doing? My mother in law made it a point to let me know there's no need for my house to be even the slightest bit messy, there's no excuse. And then ofcourse when my daughter starts throwing a fit because she doesn't get her way, and I tell her to straighten up her behavior, they butt in and go against me. The whole reason I was upset with her is because I had found out she had lied several times that day, she was pouting and crying because she wanted to go see my mom and dad instead of visiting with my husband's parents. I just felt it was disrespectful for her to act in such a manner in front of them, especially when they only get to come up about once every two months.
It's 7 a.m. and I'm already on my second pot of coffee. My mind is a mess, going into overdrive. I've been up since 3. Too busy questioning my worth to sleep.
I wish I had a sitter, that way I could go out on the lake and fish the day away... talk to the wind like my brother could hear me. But it doesn't work that way. I'm forever trapped inside these four walls battling with myself.
I hope I can get in soon with the doc. My depression and anxiety is getting the best of me.