Ralph, you continue to be an inspiration!

Your comments reminded me of something Pink said that she learned during her career: "To thine own self be true. You can't please everyone. You just have to be able to get up in the morning and like what you see".

Success is how you define it. It does not always mean making the most $$$$. But I have a feeling I'm preaching to the converted:).

I dunno. I'm still chasing money because it's what others respond to. Personally I would define success as having one's act together, namely able to take care of oneself and also do things that contribute in a positive way in society.

The dictionary defines success though as attaining a certain level of wealth, fame, or power. That's generally how others are going to see me, since I am very closed and people need to know me for a long time before they learn much about me.

I think your definition is better than the dictionary one. I've achieved the dictionary one and had more than half taken away by a formerly trusted spouse and the other half at risk by a threatening thug. Wealth can vanish in the blink of an eye. Without some purpose to your life, unique gift you can contribute or meaningful relationships, you have nothing.

Thank you I will try to keep that in mind. Too much money does tend to attract bad people (taxman included). It's a means to an end though as many more people are open to relationships with people that have their act together, and driving the right car while wearing the right shoes projects an image of having one's act together better than anything else.

Fact is I don't really know what I want but approval is definitely in the top three and so I try to mold myself to what people respond to.

Gah. We've become an entire culture of marketers. Don't like it but haven't found the wonderful land where people are honest and open. I have seriously thought about going to the Amish and seeing what they're about but I don't think I could leave my interwebz behind.

Yes, this is really tricky. I'm currently dating a guy who is not into 'image'. He is not interested in material things at all, to the extreme point of appearing 'not to have his act together', although emotionally he definitely does. Sometimes it feels like I'm dating a pauper. Though the fact he acts like one is precisely the reason he is NOT.

Also a very good chance I will never be called upon to finance any of his expensive lifestyle habits - because he doesn't have any. We do have some good discussions too. I complain that being a single Mom means I can't keep up with my married friends anymore so I feel I will be rejected by them. He pointed out that the ones who reject me for that are not worth having. Good point .

Perhaps the key is elegance. Comfort without opulence; living below one's means without deprivation. I remember seeing on Good Morning America a feature on a famous interior designer who had just about nothing whatsoever inside his apartment. The reason is that he was singularly interested in the view and looking out onto the city was his source of joy in that living space, so much so that he needed nothing else in the way of decoration.

I would think your married friends would be happy to include you now that you are dating again. They can get some vicarious excitement hearing of your adventures in romance, no? For couples events you can bring your beau in tow so that they could meet him. Just a thought, of course.

Perhaps the key is elegance. Comfort without opulence; living below one's means without deprivation.

Something like that. I just have to find my equilibrium point. I have worked hard, done well, was planning on taking a few years off to have the mental space to take care of my kids' (and my own) emotional needs. I had a plan, worked the plan, did everything right except....married badly. So now my kids and I have to go down a level in society because of their father who was neither stay-at-home-dad nor income earner for the last 6 years. Not due to lack of education, just lack of work ethic and human decency. Somehow I have to find a way to live well on less. Much less. Not even sure what part of society I fit into, if any. One class thinks I'm intimidating, the other I'm not good enough for anymore. Hmmm...somehow seems fitting I'm dating a wealthy 'pauper':rolleyes:.

I would think your married friends would be happy to include you now that you are dating again. They can get some vicarious excitement hearing of your adventures in romance' date=' no? For couples events you can bring your beau in tow so that they could meet him. Just a thought, of course.[/quote'] I find it hard to re-connect with them because I still don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Perhaps once I am officially divorced I will have a better attitude and not be so fearful waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then I'm hoping therapy can start working and I can move on and have some kind of stable identity.