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Oh well, I think I'll just aim to bring up a few positives in therapy. Forget being positive all the time. Going cold turkey is just too hard at the moment. I'm backed into a corner again. My captor was going to release me but he changed his mind. He's taunting me "Just kidding. Nope, not letting you go. Having too much fun poking you with sharp objects. Nothing better to do with my life. Tormenting you is my joy in life, my sole entertainment. Just not prepared to give that up. Yah, yah I know you gave me everything I wanted. But I changed my mind. So FUCK YOU, I can keep this up 'til you're dead. Then I'll play with your corpse. Play chess with the devil on your stomach."


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:( :( ... Isn't there a way to ignore him? You describe it all only metaphorically so I don't know if it's possible :(. But maybe there is a way to take him this 'only joy he has' by ignoring him and not suffering. He wants you to suffer, so when you don't for a long time, he would see what he's doing is useless and let you be... (Or am I too naive? :()
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I keep a poker face around him. Don't appear too happy or he'll want more. Don't get angry at him or he'll get meaner. Don't show him the suffering he's causing or he'll stick the knife in further and try to finish me off. I can handle the past losses in spite of the financial devastation they've caused me. I just find it hard to ignore him when we go through mediation, agree on things then something stalls the paperwork from being signed (always either him or a third party) and he changes his mind and wants more. I can't help but think this cycle only ends once he's got the shirt off my back. Court won't speed things up, it will just cost more. My family get mad at me, saying "just give him what he wants, this is killing you" and I say, "I did that already but he keeps changing his mind and demands more, presumably because I keep rolling over". Can't fight him. Can't not fight him. It appears there's just no way out - he has even tried to take half my future income for the next decade and a half, pretending he can't get a job. I only pray that baby's been put to rest after his rather lucrative salary over the past year. I pay 90% of the kids' expenses in spite of him earning about 3x what I get from disability income, which only covers half my living costs.

Currently, my head swings from "the best revenge is living well" to some form of the Voodoo post from Zach to totally freaking out.

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:( That's horrible - I would think that laws and lawyers are here to protect you somehow from this... :( Don't know what to say. I just hope it will be over soon and not the way he wants to have it. :(...
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