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Bad Habit


Athena

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I'm so sick of having nothing good to say in therapy. It seems everything I touch turns bad. Every bad new thing triggers me into the horrible past. It just drives everybody away. I feel like my therapist is a million miles away again. Absolutely pointless sessions. I think I'll try something new. Keep the bad stuff to myself. It's all out, all uncovered, it's the same old stuff, same problems, same patterns, no resolution, no control over what happens to me, never an end in sight. Treat it like the newspaper. When I was 10 years old or so, I asked my parents why they bothered reading it. I said, "Hey, I guarantee you there is fighting going on somewhere in the middle east". And guess what - I was ALWAYS right. Still am. Why do you need to read that over and over and over again? Just forget it. Nothing you can do.

So I think I will force myself in the next session to say nothing but good things. How wonderful my day went:p. Nothing else. See what happens. At the very least, I may catch up on some sleep:eek:.

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I thought therapy was where you are supposed to talk about the bad stuff? Sounds like your therapist isn't helping a whole lot if you're feeling this way.

You do have some control over what happens to you, just not control over everything that happens to you. Neither does anyone else though. I hope you feel better again soon.

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I think experimenting of "any" (...) kind is good in therapy. So if you feel like talking about good news/stuff only, just go ahead. It may bring you a new discovery, who knows. It's up to you to try "how it feels when..." - and now it's time to learn "how it feels when you say nothing but good things" :(.

Good luck! :(

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I kinda feel like I need to practise. OK, here goes: My kids didn't fight, act selfish, rude or ungrateful this morning. My oldest helped my youngest with some homework without incident. My oldest got her nose out of joint over not getting a perogy for breakfast (her sister got one because she happened to be right there when I realized only 5 perogies fit in the lunch thermos), but she got over it and apologized for being so greedy. They came when they were called, got ready when I asked, and didn't stall at the front door. Apparently miracles do happen every once in a while:D.

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I have pretty much expressed this to my therapist already. Interesting reaction to this concept however. As I mentally tried to prepare myself not to vent to anybody today, I got so much worse. Obviously I've committed to bottling it all up. I've convinced myself I can't vent verbally. So therefore I went straight to venting physically. It seems it must be one or the other. Well, at least it's a change. Stop doing what's not working.

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At least I had a funny image pop into my head a few minutes ago. In the Lion King, where the wise old monkey Rafiki hits Simba on the head. Simba responds by saying "Ouch, what did you do that for?" Rafiki replies "Doesn't matter, it's in the PAST!" Whatever action has been taken, learn from it, it is now in the past. What happened two hours ago or 30 years ago - it's all in the past. If none of it is good, then keep it there. Start over, wipe the memories, be like a 3 year old. Nothing to drag you down, no patterns to repeat. Whatever you've learned that is not helpful - forget it. If you get dragged back into re-living something unbearably painful, STOP, don't go there, it doesn't make it better. Stop doing what isn't working. If you can't vent without reliving the trauma, stop venting. Find another outlet. Find another way to vent that helps.

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Find another outlet. Find another way to vent that helps.

Unless it's SI or something of that kind... :(

So therefore I went straight to venting physically.

What do you mean by that? I'm afraid if it's not SI :( :(... Or should I be positive and presume you mean sport (I remember you like running...)? ...

I like the idea about the past. I agree. The problem for many is to find a way to forget... :( I wish you can do it and move forward soon. You're on a good/right way, it seems to me :-)...

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Yes, running is the best physical form of venting for me. Unfortunately it wasn't enough this week. Too many things went wrong on top of the threat, which was very similar to the one back in February which landed me in the hospital. One too many triggers.

Anyway, I'm a little bit more sober about SI now as I was off it since February and it's only come about under severe stress. As long as I stay away from the drama, don't get hung up on it and just keep my mouth shut, it won't do any major damage. At this point it feels like a very juvenile way of coping so I don't think it will stick. But for now I would do just about anything to get out of the hopeless, fatalistic, negative state of mind that I am almost constantly in these days.

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