Feel normal today. Eh, what's normal anyway. Have been more active in using lists to get things done. I get a feeling of accomplishment from this which boosts me up a bit. Also got a workout in after missing a few and noticed the difference immediately. I guess if I don't exercise for the physical reason I still need to get active for the emotional benefits. Meds seem to be working although I do feel a little zombified. Giving it 4-5 weeks to see if the prozac is going to help.

Have had cravings to drink but then I think do I really want the hangover. Every once in a while maybe, but I'm enjoying being relatively clear headed for now. Not making any commitments over the holidays but I am determined to make it at least sixty days no booze or illegal substances. Have used legit prescribed tranquilizers and sadly caffeine by the boatload, so prolly cannot count this as sober time. Harm reduction is progress though. Opiates being more of a concern when I am depressed because the longer I go in misery the more drastic means I will resort to for an escape. Keep thinking about roxicet. I don't even notice I'm high when I have used those, just that I seem to be in a world of bliss. A world that is clean, where everything works. I'm above the noise and the chaos and the dirtiness and nastiness of the everyday world but know that to this state I must return.

Things are pretty good. Got a job where I play with data all day, my boyfriend is good to me, and this thing I call myself seems to be learning from mistakes. If it gets too hard I can retreat inside of myself. Sobriety has taught me how to withdraw... it's like a personal talent I have to divide myself that seems to be the way that I work around things I don't understand in the world.