I'm trying like hell to keep my mind busy these days. The medicine failed, seeing a therapist has yet to help, my depression and anxiety is through the roof, I've gained ten pounds in two weeks, I'm wired and I need to keep myself busy.

Usually creativity is not a struggle for me but I'm having a hard time thinking of a creative craft project to start. Maybe I just need motivation. I have some old wooden inside window shutter type things that I'm trying to work into a beautiful piece to go into one of my rooms. Haven't really come up with anything yet. My daughter wants her room done in dolphins. I've had the paint and all the materials for six months, but when Charlie died, I put everything on hold, and haven't found the motivation or creativity to turn it into a masterpiece just yet. I wish I could get motivated soon, but every time I start something, I end up thinking it looks stupid. I've been trying to make curtains for 5 months now. Can't do anything that meets my approval. The majority of my windows are still curtainless. Grrrr. It pisses me off.

I'd like to take up painting but I don't have an income to support that.

Worried about Christmas and being able to provide one for the kids. I'm failing at everything I do. Frustration is mounting.

I should focus more on self improvement projects instead of home improvement projects huh?