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it hurts.

but then the alternative, isnt any better.

im trying to face what is happening, but its way too much.

call a nurse, request the p'doc, phone a friend - whats the point????

it dont change sweet FA

in the end, here i am. still have to listen to the voices. still see what others say aint there...... still want to die, coz living is far too difficult and painful.


its not a life - its hell


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I'm hoping that piece by tiny piece you'll be able to put yourself together and feel you are living, not just existing. Right now, this is too much, but situations can get better. Can you believe in your friends when we tell you life takes unexpected turns, and you might take a turn for the better?

Oh, I don't know how to help. But I don't want to accept you will live in this level of pain forever.

This is so hard for you :-( I'm sorry.

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thanks. you guys already are doing all you can, by listening to me and caring. and it helps.. :(

im kinda triggered today. spiralling a lot. doubting things i wouldnt normally. feel so confused. dont know who to trust. im so sad. not sure why. things are just real painful.

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they changed my meds, im now on so much medication. its flatening me out. my mood swings are calming down, infact i think they are stopping. feel like ive been stuck in this presnt frame of mind for way too long. i dont like being so low and sad, i really wish my hypers could return. hypers make things so much easier to cope with. want to die. but a little peace of me is starting to want to live - think thats the cow chops in me. need to just find some quiet place to lay down and just "be"

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