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With or Against?


Stigmabegone

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My big question of the day - do I accept my Depression and work with the limitations it causes me, or do I continue to fight the Depression and strive to conquer it?

By continuing to fight the Depression and conquer it I feel I may actually be aiding it. I set very high expectations for myself and I feel as though I am continuously failing to meet them. When I was a young woman just learning about Depression I was feisty and invincible. My future was not decided, the road was clear for me to attain anything I set my mind to. I am 40 now and the natural aging process is setting in. I am not young, feisty, or invincible anymore and my road has run out of space. Maybe it is time to accept who I am at this moment and accept the limitations my Depression gives me. Time to work with the Depression and the limitations and move on instead of continuing to fight the Depression and conquer it.

But how do I tame the fighter who has fought long and hard and helped me reach the point i am at now? How do I tame the fighter that kept me going when all I wanted to do was quit? Do I need to tame the fighter at all? Maybe I just have to teach the fighter to work with the Depression instead of against it. But how do I do that? And do I have the strength to do that? I just don't know.

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... do I accept my Depression ..., or do I continue to fight the Depression ... ?

Are there other options?

One that occurs to me is to forget the Depression (as a separate, capitalized entity) and focus on accepting yourself and living your life. If the diagnosis plays too large a role in one's identity, it gets a life of its own, a life that it borrows from yours.

There can be quite a big difference between being a person who has depression and being a Depressed Person, even though it only looks like a rearrangement of the words.

My bet is that we all have the strength to be ourselves, or at least that if we don't, no one else does. It's all the other people we try to be that gets burdensome.

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I agree with Malign. I think that you can fight your depression BY catering to it and vice versa. You can use your weakness as a strength. Natural effects of aging are natural if you lay down and let them run over you. "I will not go quietly into the good night..." It's up to you to answer the question whether it is best for YOU to burn out or fade away?

Me I'd like to do which ever feels right at the time, in that I will live life to the fullest and take advantage of every opportunity and if I go out when activity is low it won't be due to a lack of willingness to live and I mean LIVE not simply exist. That is my preference, you decide what yours is.

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Yeah.. burn out or fade away, that's what frazled said. There isn't only black or white and more than that you shouldn't make your life to look like that. Sorry guys i disagree. What you both are writing there is a way stright ahead to craziness. I don't think that stigmabegone want to gain manic depression!

I got to tell you i'm going through extreemly similar situation. i deeply understand what you mean and by the way there is nothing to add and nothing to take away of any of your blogs! Same here, totally! It is very suprising for me

is it time to Accept who you are presently and to accept limitations that your depression gives you?!? - YES.!

I mean.. Isn't that THE 1st step of geting somewhere!?!

I am 20+ and i do accept both cause you have to! Are you afraid of losing something? What CAN you lose? Anxiety maybe..?

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Thanks for the comments everyone. My social worker once told me that I had to put my Depression in the category of illness and start seeing it as a small part of who I am, not as a definition of who I am. I understand that. I guess my problem is learning to drop my high expectations and just accept me for who I am. I may wish to be a super professional like my husband and be an awesome speaker and easy-going and popular and sought-after, but that is not who I am. He and I are very different people and have different strengths to offer others. I have to learn to accept my strengths and stop wishing to be someone/everyone else.

You are right Malign - it is burdensome trying to be all the different people I want to be. I have worn myself out and can't live that way anymore. I am having great difficulty accepting me for me though. I have always had very low/no self esteem and have always disliked myself.

Frazzled, I am too much of a fighter to allow myself to burn out or fade away. I reached my burn out point in January and I immediately took action to heal myself. I also will never fade away because I cannot go quietly into the night - that just ain't me. I am determined to make my mark. I guess I am just in conflict right now because I feel like I have two sides. One side is the very strong depressed side that does not want to socialize or do anything but lay in bed. The other side is my inner child/teen who still has a lot of exuberance and excitement about life. I just haven't been able to find a way to release the exuberant side. It has been buried so deeply under the Depression and self-loathing.

Medlem, I am not sure what you meant about my blogs? Nothing to add or take away from my blogs?

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I can understand that, it is hard. Have been fighting with that myself too.

I just can say that life is strange and we need to accept that and get calm somehow..

Also i know who i am who i could be, what i could be doing and i also know that i have it to succeed. But depression doesn't let me be, no way. Got to sucrifise something to stay connected with reality, to stay well. what else is more important.

We live and gona die one day. So what's the point, who you want to be, a superstar? Just try to realize how sily it is, just chill. And how about God?

You put your focus on the unneccesary part of my reply. However i meant that i can recodnise myself in your blogs.

Wish you a lot of strenghts and good luck, take care.

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