Might as well be honest and admit that addiction is winning this round. Drinking got out of control on Sunday, mostly because I didn't feel like controlling my drinking. Strangely didn't have a panic attack or feel too guilty afterward, although I do feel a little weird for fighting so hard to be sober and just giving up like this.

Still hung over a little bit. Can't say I wouldn't loooove a few roxicet pills right now. Maybe more than a few. So I'm trying to be strong and not start putting feelers out for OC or H, but I wonder if I'm really being strong or just prolonging the inevitable. Of course it's not really inevitable but in my mind it feels 98% certain so am I really gaining anything by fighting?

Maybe it helps to extend the length between uses to fight it a little more each time. Or maybe eventually I will gain the upper hand and be able to stop this without cravings taking over my waking thoughts. I hope so, because right now I really want to stop fighting. I just don't see how to do that without giving up.