I didn't use pills last night and I feel much better not having the comedown that I normally do on Saturdays. Still have some anxiety and a lot of depression, mainly because of social anxiety. I am isolated but I don't know how to change this. Sure go out and meet people. Easier said than done. My therapist wants me to take a class to have less isolation. Plus taking a class would help me cultivate an interest, something I am not having much success with so far. Doesn't that sound a little pathetic? I can't imagine how much crap I'd get from people at work if I admitted to doing something like this.

Then again people at work have their partners to go home to. I have to fly 28 hours to see mine. I'm so jealous of people who have their lives together. Mine is definitely not. I don't even know what I'm doing with my life. It has no point, no purpose except to spare my friends the pain of dealing with my suicide and my family the stigma.

I am at least exercising more. I set a goal of 3 times a week and I am able to meet this. Trying to do everyday didn't work out well so I had to dial it back to a level that I can handle. Damn meds helped me gain a good fifteen pounds when I was already a tad overweight so in total I've got 30 pounds to lose to be in the central range of a healthy height to weight ratio.