I am back on my meds but haven't stabilized yet. Still drinking too much. It was helping me for a while but got to a point where the depression caused by drinking is worse than the depression I feel when not drinking. So now my primary coping mechanism isn't working and I have to find something else. I am staying sober just for today. We'll see if I can keep it going into tomorrow or if I end up changing my mind again.
It has been a hard day with a couple times breaking down in tears and having so little motivation that I can't think of what to do. I wish I could just end it, but that would be immoral especially in light of all the people who have helped me. I want to get better.
I have been better, but it seems so far off now. Acting to achieve goals in the long term feels so difficult that I have a hard time doing it, which isn't healthy. Starting to think about values again, maybe I can get from values to goals that I can actually be motivated about.