I'm sorry you're struggling, Andromeda. Anxiety can be very tough to deal with. What has helped in the past? Does breathing or doing something relaxing help? Has anything happened in your life recently that might have brought this on? I hope you feel better.

(((A)))

It's good that you've talked to a friend!! Of course, nobody can really understand how painful something that (s)he's never experienced is, but that doesn't have to be a problem - she doesn't need to know exactly how you feel to be a friend and offer at least a kind of support. To communicate with those who know it from their own experience, you can use the internet, but to have a friend "in real life" is valuable, perhaps even more. That's one of the reasons I'm very glad to hear you told "somebody"/her about your OCD.

I don't have experience or useful knowledge about overcoming such a strong anxiety and/or OCD, but ... have you already read something useful about it - in books or on the web (I know there are some people with OCD who write blogs about it - perhaps they share also some coping strategies -?)? Can you apply some advises to alleviate your symptoms?

I do believe you it is like hell even though I haven't had OCD... I've read several detailed descriptions (one of them being an autobiography of a woman with OCD, spending several years, many times in her life, in a psychiatric ward because of her phobia of dirt and germs and related OCD) and you've also already described some of your problems here. And when I, in addition, imagine the difficult situation (relationships) in your family, ... I'm sorry I cannot offer some help. I hope you'll soon find a way to start therapy - it's the only effective way to overcome OCD, along with possible use of medication (the people I read about mentioned it helped them a lot, although not without some side effects). What are the reasons why you don't seek a treatment? Now, at university, you have more control over your time, it would be easier to see someone once or twice a week without anyone (-family, friends) knowing about it. And I guess this kind of treatment should be offered for free where you live, at least by a part of the therapists (and the psychiatrists and medications are all for free).

You deserve feeling fine again and it is possible to get out of this hell. Please, take care about yourself and... do your best to find a way to get professional help. I wish you good luck!

How are you doing, A?

Well I feel angry and I have no idea why anger is so strong.I feel under pressure and not because of university.I was with one friend and I just hit on the table.She saw something was bothering me and hugged me.It was nice.But Im still scared that a I may cause harm to people i like.Why I always ruin everything and why I feel this anger.My head even hurt,because of it.Im tired

Thanks for your reply !

I think you could come up with some reasons for your anger, couldn't you?

And why is it so strong? Well, each of us has, biologically, different thresholds and different limits for intensities of emotions in particular situations. That's one part. Then I suppose there is an influence of your attitude toward the anger: Do you think it's possible that you try to deny its reasons and/or are not willing to accept the anger and so it makes it even more intensive - as if you refused to heal a wound causing pain and that would lead to an even stronger pain because the role of pain is to make you care about the wound. Anger has its roles. Of course, it also can be pathological. I cannot tell how much "adequate" your anger is. I only see that it's bothering you and influencing negatively your life and that your main attitude is... well, I'm not sure how to summarize it . But as far as I know (not from my own experience), there are ways how to deal with big, even excessive, anger, how to manage it and live more "peacefully". Your OCD seems currently to be your main "coping mechanism" (also against anxiety), but it only makes it worse, as you know. The thoughts that you might be dangerous for somebody are also one of possible typical symptoms of OCD - people often fear this way. (And you probably know what doctors and/or therapists always say them: If someone has such a fear, it's clear he/she doesn't want to hurt anybody. And hurting somebody (in your state, when you're not, for instance, psychotic) would be possible only if you wanted it - you don't, so you won't do it. You may imagine it, but that's safe.)

It's a great progress that you now have a friend who even hugged you when she felt you needed it! I'm really happy to hear that! But friends are a support, not "healers" in cases of an illness. OCD is an illness. I don't know if your anger can be a symptom of an illness, too (I rather think not). In any case, some professional help could be effective... I know I can't promise "miracles". But it's at least worth trying to get some help...

Take care!

Does anything work to relax you, Andromeda? Sorry to be clueless about your other posts... do you work with a therapist?

No I dont have therapist.Well I have ocd since I was 12.I always try to distract myself with something but not always work

Is it possible for you to get into therapy? I'm sorry things have been so difficult

Well no in my country is really hard to start free therapy.

(I replied in a PM ...)

Hi, A., how are you?

I've just read this and it occurred to me that maybe you might like it, too, mainly the part about confronting fear of embarrassment - a similar technique is also used for various/some OCDs. (Maybe it doesn't have to be with a therapist, maybe you could try it yourself: Allow yourself to think about whatever horrible thing occurs to you (that you would do to somebody), don't try to suppress it. The experience (although not my own, I don't have OCD) says that letting / allowing yourself to feel / imagine (and sometimes even do, but this is not your case, I presume) what you want to much not to be felt / imagined (/done) alleviates the symptoms.) So, here it is (as I said, not about OCD, but potentially interesting for several reasons):

http://www.npr.org/2012/11/13/162742151/antidote-prescribes-a-negative-path-to-happiness

http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/19354514-the-antidote-happiness-for-people-who-can-t-stand-positive-thinking