Sorry if I am posting like a maniac ovahere, but I just feel like I need to keep a record for myself over this obsession I have for this guy. It is pretty disturbing to me [and it is a weakness that I need to repair for myself!].

I started counting how many times a day I still think of him, and it isn't pretty. I think about him, or about how I am going to 'impress' him, or how Im going to get over him [...] ahlala. Well, yesterday, it was about 10 times folks. Everytime, I go 'STOP', in my mind, and like a pavlov dog, I try and think about something else 'hey, look at the beautiful sky', 'hey this dog is so nice' [girl pets the dog] Oufff, not easy. Goodness. . Ah! Yep, just like the dog, I try to give myself another thing to think about... Maybe you guys have other suggestions. Sorry if I talk about this guy all the time. But it's something I need to fix.

Today I went to give post dated checks for rent to my roomy Marc and again, he was talking about good ol C. I know he just did to make me feel better... He was like 'I saw him yesterday at the bike race...he came second [of course he did...mister athlete Gretzky, as my girlfriend R likes to call him]... and then he was hanging out with Joe, he wasn't with the girl you said he was...she was just hangin out with other folks...Anyway, marc said he went to him and said 'hey, I am T's roomate...blablabla...Marc then said that C was pretty drunk [no surprise again], and then said [talking about me] 'oh she's such a sweet, sweet girl you know blabla'. I was kind of shocked. And then sad. And marc said 'yeah, you know, he was pretty drunk'. Like 'ya, otherwise he wouldn't have said that'.

I told Marc that I didn't want to talk about C anymore. I said 'I know you are trying to make me feel better and all, but it is still a sore spot for me'. Marc said he was sorry.

I say I don't want to talk about him or hear about him and it's true in a way, as it makes me all up side down again. And the reasonable part of my brain says 'I don't want to obsess about this guy'. but still, you guys, goodness. I wan to hear every possible tidbit about C. I look him up on the internet...It takes all my might to not think about him. Sometimes I have the idea to just go do a freakin 'drive-by' his house. sigh! I swear. I'm not out of the woods still.