No tour, don't give up. Maybe you can continue working for this company but in the mean time keep an eye open for a better opportunity? I know six months seems like a long time, but if it actually happens in six months would it still be a good thing? The girl seems to be nice to you so she's probably telling you the truth. It just stinks that they jerk you around like this. I hope everything works out for you tour and that your shoulder heals quickly!

thanks guys, and ya, that;s a good idea Star

Well, the other thought I had was, does the fact that it's summer now have anything to do with it? Maybe they do more apprenticeships during the winter, when the work is lighter? I don't know much about the realities of construction work.

But you're right (and it's good you can catch yourself): It's important to fight those little voices, "... this always happens to me ... so hard ... all the time ...". Those voices lie.

ya, I see what you're saying Malign, but unfortunately, it isn't the case. I mean, this is what she should have told me! It may have appeased my thoughts, but she was more, pretty honest...and it's not the first time I hear it. From other employees. The boss does have some personality issues. A bit like 'you must suffer, cus I suffered?' They like to call him 'Mood swing D'! Which isn't very nice, and I'd much rather make my own opinion because, I have sort of 'fear' problems in regards to bosses a lot of the time! Can you say 'father issues?'. And I am trying to keep mindful of this before jumping to conclusions. It is hard though.

I mean, realistically, when does it happens that the big boss has your back? Rarely, right? They think of their family first, etc. What's extremely hard for me, is to manage this fear and not to start feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, or worst: disgruntle towards them. Because I know I may exaggerate not only their power over my life, but their 'meanness'. anyway, that's a whole other issue I suppose.

When I start feeling all bad about how things are not going my way, I try to think about a few friends who made it, in face of adversity. Like my friend Barns, 'M-ski' and Marge. And some other people also that worked with me in the past. They all rolled up their sleeves and kept their focus on solutions and options. On managing their own life and controlling themselves and their plan rather than others.

As per the little 'poor me' nasty little voices. Ya, they do lie. They do, and even if I always go back to what this ONE friend told me once that 'if it's meant to be, things will flow freely and easily', like some sort of mystical freakin omen, forgetting to mention how freakin hard she most have worked! I just try to push this one aside as it really gets in my way! This saying just doesn't work for me at all in this case anyway. Because I tend, I am pretty sure, to give up too easily on my plan.

In my past life, I was critiqued a lot 'for my own good' [uh-huh], my mom always pointed out to all the possible little snatches that could happen, and never really encouraged me fully with my things. She always said stuff like 'well, if this is what you think you should do...' when I really needed support and to hear 'ya! go for it! don't give up! You're doing well' etc. And my dad, well, he didn't have a clue of what was going on. Too focused on his own crap at the time.

So I try and keep that in mind. 'Maybe it does always happens to me, just like it does always happens to others [i just don't hear about it necessarily], because it's life, it's not perfect, and you have to try and find solution to get success. Otherwise, is it a success? I don't know.

thanks guys, and ya, that;s a good idea Star

You mentioned once that you were looking for a therapist to be like a coach, giving you the "go for it" kind of talk. But you know, the reason I think your current therapist won't do that for you? Because some day, you're going to need that voice to be your voice, instead of your mom's doubtfulness or your dad's indifference.

And if y'all can still snowboard, I'm gonna send you a heater.

ah ah ah! yah, well, it's actually not too cold down in the valley. It's just in the alpine I guess that it's still cool.

I know about the why she doesn't do it, but, somehow, I just feel like it must start from having a fake mom, instead of just me. I am probably wrong there, I know, but, I wish she could really convince me of the why it must be done this way and not with her encouragement a little. It's just that otherwise, it's seems really hard to do it for myself, completely. Because I just feel let down, yet again.

Can you give your therapist that feedback, and the reason? She needs to know what you need. Now, she may not try to meet the need directly, but I bet it helps her to address other stuff, like why you feel disappointed.

Don't worry, we'll cheer for you. :-)

Hi Tour, how are you doing? I haven't seen you on in a while, I hope everything is okay.

Oh thanks again guys! Ya, I will tell her when I see her next thursday. We'll see what happens...

Oh star, thanks for checking up on me. I had a pretty good weekend, I was in the little town about 45 minutes away from here pretty much the whole weekend, which was good. But now I am a bit tense...more on next blog post.