Jump to content
Mental Support Community
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

Shoulder saga



Well, the shoulder is healing. Slowly. But healing. Still concerned. Trying to keep on doing my little exercises.

Sadly, another guy who works with me separated his shoulder snowboarding [yes, we can still snowboard in these parts...]. He's just 24 so his shoulder should heel quickly. And I don't know if it's his working arm or not. Hopefully not.

My company had their monthly 'safety meeting' Friday I guess, and the girl from the office was asking people to be careful in their activities, not to injure themselves and be off work without pay and all [words from the big boss, but toned down into a more gentle warning from the nice office girl...]. I don't know, I may be me interpreting things for the worst, but I find it a bit freaky that they say that to people. It's not like we're trying to hurt ourselves!

Then, I saw her again on the weekend, she was really nice and would like to go biking with me when the shoulder heals, but I was inquiring about my apprenticeship form and the sponsorship they were supposed to give me for it, and she said that she hadn't even mentioned it to the big boss! My heart sank! She said he's a bit weird with these kind of things, and that the company has to assess if they have too many ticketed carpenters... [how can you have too many freakin ticketed carpenters???]. Weird indeed!

My take on this is that the boss doesn't want to have to pay too much for his workers, and prefers unticketed chippies. Which sort of makes sense in a way, keep the overhead low, I guess. But it's also extremely backwards. Because the company receives a freakin grant from the government for every apprentice they take on! Which also guaranties a better worker and a better product, and a faster worker [in my views], not to mention a safer worker!

She said I will have to wait six months to put my application in with them! 6 freakin months doing sh*(*&T work? Mother of the lord! I have been waiting for this for 8 months now! I don't want to have to switch company again in search of sponsorship that may get cancelled again. I was thinking of going back to my old company as they seem to sponsor apprentices more readily, but they have been hiring dudes lately, and I mean, I never got a phone call! I am a bit sadden by this. I guess they didn't want me back afterall! I don't know why and I feel bad now. Why did they give me good references but don't want to hire me back?

I am fighting hard not to think: why does this always happens to me? Why is it so hard and complicated all the time in my life?

I don't want to give up :)


Recommended Comments

No tour, don't give up. Maybe you can continue working for this company but in the mean time keep an eye open for a better opportunity? I know six months seems like a long time, but if it actually happens in six months would it still be a good thing? The girl seems to be nice to you so she's probably telling you the truth. It just stinks that they jerk you around like this. I hope everything works out for you tour and that your shoulder heals quickly!

thanks guys, and ya, that;s a good idea Star

Link to comment

Well, the other thought I had was, does the fact that it's summer now have anything to do with it? Maybe they do more apprenticeships during the winter, when the work is lighter? I don't know much about the realities of construction work.

But you're right (and it's good you can catch yourself): It's important to fight those little voices, "... this always happens to me ... so hard ... all the time ...". Those voices lie.

Link to comment

ya, I see what you're saying Malign, but unfortunately, it isn't the case. I mean, this is what she should have told me! It may have appeased my thoughts, but she was more, pretty honest...and it's not the first time I hear it. From other employees. The boss does have some personality issues. A bit like 'you must suffer, cus I suffered?' They like to call him 'Mood swing D'! Which isn't very nice, and I'd much rather make my own opinion because, I have sort of 'fear' problems in regards to bosses a lot of the time! Can you say 'father issues?'. And I am trying to keep mindful of this before jumping to conclusions. It is hard though.

I mean, realistically, when does it happens that the big boss has your back? Rarely, right? They think of their family first, etc. What's extremely hard for me, is to manage this fear and not to start feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, or worst: disgruntle towards them. Because I know I may exaggerate not only their power over my life, but their 'meanness'. anyway, that's a whole other issue I suppose.

When I start feeling all bad about how things are not going my way, I try to think about a few friends who made it, in face of adversity. Like my friend Barns, 'M-ski' and Marge. And some other people also that worked with me in the past. They all rolled up their sleeves and kept their focus on solutions and options. On managing their own life and controlling themselves and their plan rather than others.

As per the little 'poor me' nasty little voices. Ya, they do lie. They do, and even if I always go back to what this ONE friend told me once that 'if it's meant to be, things will flow freely and easily', like some sort of mystical freakin omen, forgetting to mention how freakin hard she most have worked! I just try to push this one aside as it really gets in my way! This saying just doesn't work for me at all in this case anyway. Because I tend, I am pretty sure, to give up too easily on my plan.

In my past life, I was critiqued a lot 'for my own good' [uh-huh], my mom always pointed out to all the possible little snatches that could happen, and never really encouraged me fully with my things. She always said stuff like 'well, if this is what you think you should do...' when I really needed support and to hear 'ya! go for it! don't give up! You're doing well' etc. And my dad, well, he didn't have a clue of what was going on. Too focused on his own crap at the time.

So I try and keep that in mind. 'Maybe it does always happens to me, just like it does always happens to others [i just don't hear about it necessarily], because it's life, it's not perfect, and you have to try and find solution to get success. Otherwise, is it a success? I don't know.

Link to comment

You mentioned once that you were looking for a therapist to be like a coach, giving you the "go for it" kind of talk. But you know, the reason I think your current therapist won't do that for you? Because some day, you're going to need that voice to be your voice, instead of your mom's doubtfulness or your dad's indifference.

And if y'all can still snowboard, I'm gonna send you a heater.

Link to comment

ah ah ah! yah, well, it's actually not too cold down in the valley. It's just in the alpine I guess that it's still cool.

I know about the why she doesn't do it, but, somehow, I just feel like it must start from having a fake mom, instead of just me. I am probably wrong there, I know, but, I wish she could really convince me of the why it must be done this way and not with her encouragement a little. It's just that otherwise, it's seems really hard to do it for myself, completely. Because I just feel let down, yet again.

Link to comment

Can you give your therapist that feedback, and the reason? She needs to know what you need. Now, she may not try to meet the need directly, but I bet it helps her to address other stuff, like why you feel disappointed.

Don't worry, we'll cheer for you. :-)

Link to comment

Oh thanks again guys! Ya, I will tell her when I see her next thursday. We'll see what happens...

Oh star, thanks for checking up on me. I had a pretty good weekend, I was in the little town about 45 minutes away from here pretty much the whole weekend, which was good. But now I am a bit tense...more on next blog post.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...