So, as I said, I had a good weekend with friends. A party, which was good to see old friends at, from my old work. I was doing well for a bit, just keeping with the hiking program, then for some reason, today, I just started feeling crappy again.
Oh, hum I watch 'the reader', whixh is a good movie, but made me cry, I guess that didn't really help...
and then: Ok, I started reading this book that my friend lended me : "why men marry bitches". I had started to see this guy last week, and turns out he is an idiot and doesn't respect me, so I am not returning his calls. Which is totally fine. He is not my style after all. So anyway she lended me this book which I started reading and I feel like I've made so many mistakes with guys, in regards to being respected in the past two years or so, I started to feel like an idiot and started to wonder about my reputation...about why the heck I still don't have my boundaries down at my age, blablabla.
Funny thing [well, not funny ahah] is that, it is at this very moment that I should get back to my plan. Which is:
- hang out with people who have good healthy habits
- continue the things I need to do to feel happy and proud of myself [the setback on my apprentiship doesn't help either ]
- eat well...
One the weekend I was around my friend R's bunch of friends which aren't good for me. All they do is drink and party and do nothing physical. This is exactly what I want to get away from. It is just unfortunate right now that I can't contact the new people who do exercise, that I want to hang out with, because all I can do is hike and a lil bit or running, but my knees don't let me do to much of that... And all of those folks work all week. And I wanted to do the weekly races to see these folks and bond with them a bit more to be able to contact them without it being out of the blues... So now, I only have just two friends I can rely on for healthy behavior types of people. When they aren't available, it's hard for me to get out of this rut.
Anyway, I called a few friends today, but, since I didn't make any plans before, no one was there and available. So I went to the lake by myself and continue reading the book, which made me anxious. Then, I stopped and tried to talk to myself and say : "it's ok T, everybody makes mistakes and you are on your way to fixing it right now!"
It helped a tiny bit, but not enough I guess.
Then, I forced myself to go for a run/walk, all I could muster was 15 minutes at it. Which helped me feel better... for about an hour, then back to anxiety again. And eating a whole family size bag of chips!!! My belly is all up side down now. Argh!
So now I am going to take a bath, then listen to one of my old relaxation CDs. I am sure it will help. Tomorrow I see the physio, which will help too.
I tell you, being home alone and not working like this is reallllllly hard on my mental health.
Tomorrow. And heck, right now, I get back to the 'taking care of myself' program.
Wish me luck! I need it.