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I spent the day by myself. tonight, I read all you guys' posts. thank you. It's weird how you start to see things all dark when stuff's not working out. It's like your brain focuses on the bad stuff. I didn't even know you guys responded. So I dreaded coming back to my blog.

I am really scared. I went on a hike on sunday, with my roommate mark and another friend. It was good. a really huge hike. with 1500m elevation gain. yah. so much so that I now also hurt my IT band. it's a chronic injury that one that keeps on a givin. sorry for the sarcasm. I . Anyway. I think my best friends are kind of avoiding me. well, they're busy working or something else. their boyfriend. their girlfriend. You know. their life. Today. I just tried to read the 'authentic self' book. surf the net. waste my time.

the doc isn't available until wednesday. I can't hold out much longer. I can see myself spiraling down. I want to go walking. or something. but i can't. I've gain weight too. I saw photos of me on the hike and I look like fat. again. I don't want to become unhealthy again. but I see food as comfort. I eat burgers, fries, pizza, soft drinks, beer. I smoke. chew my nails.

Mark said that he thinks the construction industry is going to slow down even more, now, and after 2010. in this area. so much for my dream.

I saw your posts and the tears that I've been fighting since Saturday just flowed and don't stop.

I don't' know what to do. it feels like I have been running on this long leach on a post full tilt and I have yanked back. finally. strangled.

tomorrow is another day. I know. and I will try again, to regain some positivity. I don't want anyone to see me like this.

I want to see the doc. I want to know what to do. I feel so alone.


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I wish I had the right words to help you tour, I was so sorry to read this, sorry you are feeling so bad. But like you said, tomorrow is always another day, sometimes the morning will bring you a new perspective on things, and you might not feel as bad, at least I really hope not. I will be thinking of you and really hoping that things start to look better for you today.

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Hey tour, don't let things get you down. Don't let your mood start to make assumptions for you. We're here. Anything we can do, we'll do.

I was a bit confused by the phrase "IT band", however; since I used to play trombone and I'm in Information Technology now, it sounded like something whose CDs wouldn't sell very well. Where is it, and how do you fix it?

You know, even if your future isn't in construction, that doesn't mean you don't have one. As they say at Despair.com (one of my favorite sites), "It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black." Oh wait, that's not the helpful version ... You know what I'm trying to say: smile, and that a lot of things that look bad turn out far better in the end.

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yah, thanks you guys. Malign, you always get a smile out of me, even if I really try to be really sad. You know I love sarcasm. It might as well become my favorite sport now that I can't really do anything. You guys are awesome!



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I agree with malign, remember that just as good times must end, so must bad times; but, whether life is good or bad is up to us to decide subjectively.

As for that IT band, rest, ice, compress, and elevate. You can go to the local pharmacy for those elastic bandages to wrap around your thigh(s) to get that compression.

As you are healing, perhaps you should consider this an opportunity to make a weekly workout schedule to keep yourself on track regarding your health? There is an example of a schedule for training for 5-K for beginners on Runners World. Even if you are not a beginner, everyone should begin slowly and build the difficulty incrementally.

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Oh, IT band, btw, is "ilio-tibial band". It is the long tendon attaching the muscle that is in your , hum , butt, but runs along the side of your leg and attaches below your knee. But you get points for the information technology joke.

How you fix it? Ice. Well, it probably be like, a gin and Tonic on ice for me at the moment. No but seriously. What happens is it gets tight and rubs on a condyle [a bone nob] on the outside of your knee, each time you bend your knee. it gets inflammated... the way to treat is to progressively go into longer and longer runs. and stretch it a lot, and ice it, ibuprofen... and also reinforcing some muscles in your outside thighs.

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hey kaudio, you know exactly what im talking about for the it band... and yeah the bad times will end. this ts the one thing that i have learned from reading Thich Nhat Hahn and stuff. You are right. I just let myself go into these moods. but must see the reality.

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So, how does it help with the pain to pour gin and tonic over your knee? :-P I hope you don't have any open cuts.

Tour, you already know what to do for your knee (and shoulder), and you really already know what to do to center yourself. We're here for the rest: the psychic energy you need to pour in to replace what you're losing to depression.

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Yah, Gin n tonic doesn't help at all. So I won't do that. Yah, I kind of know what to do but boy, oh boy, do I ever spin my wheels sometimes. but The psychic energy does help a lot!

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