I spent the day by myself. tonight, I read all you guys' posts. thank you. It's weird how you start to see things all dark when stuff's not working out. It's like your brain focuses on the bad stuff. I didn't even know you guys responded. So I dreaded coming back to my blog.
I am really scared. I went on a hike on sunday, with my roommate mark and another friend. It was good. a really huge hike. with 1500m elevation gain. yah. so much so that I now also hurt my IT band. it's a chronic injury that one that keeps on a givin. sorry for the sarcasm. I . Anyway. I think my best friends are kind of avoiding me. well, they're busy working or something else. their boyfriend. their girlfriend. You know. their life. Today. I just tried to read the 'authentic self' book. surf the net. waste my time.
the doc isn't available until wednesday. I can't hold out much longer. I can see myself spiraling down. I want to go walking. or something. but i can't. I've gain weight too. I saw photos of me on the hike and I look like fat. again. I don't want to become unhealthy again. but I see food as comfort. I eat burgers, fries, pizza, soft drinks, beer. I smoke. chew my nails.
Mark said that he thinks the construction industry is going to slow down even more, now, and after 2010. in this area. so much for my dream.
I saw your posts and the tears that I've been fighting since Saturday just flowed and don't stop.
I don't' know what to do. it feels like I have been running on this long leach on a post full tilt and I have yanked back. finally. strangled.
tomorrow is another day. I know. and I will try again, to regain some positivity. I don't want anyone to see me like this.
I want to see the doc. I want to know what to do. I feel so alone.