So I couldn't wait anymore. The doc that originally saw me for the rotator cuff thing wasn't available until tomorrow but I just wnated to know. so I went and see another doc. she was saying the same thing, but I said NO, I want an x-ray.
Well, I have a fracture. on the top of my humerus, where some ligament attaches. argh. should have been less amiable and said that from the start... I went to the doc again after the xray, and she was like 'well, that's a surprise! you must have a very high tolerance to pain"... hum, yes I do. Any kind of pain. My brother is the same. Anyway, now my arm is in a sling. I am seeing the surgeon on next Thursday.
But it's not exactly something that works for the both of us. It got me more injured in the end. Many times. It makes me hold of on decisions while enduring pain, physical or mental, wayyy too long. And in the end, I collapse and get completely lost, because I have ignored my feelings, or my right to be in an happy relationship, to have my needs met too. What good is that?
So, again, ,like I was telling someone else here, sometimes are weaknesses can be recycled into strengths. I think that I am right. I just know nothing is created and nothing is lost... [is that from good ol' Einstein?]. Anyway, I am pretty sure I can reuse this misplaced sense of 'strength' or tolerance for pain or whatever, to good use for once. What if I used this strength that is there, and recycle it into taking care of myself somehow? I am not exactly sure how to do this completely. I have started, but it is pretty hard to retrain my brain NOT to take that pain. Use the strength to see solutions...