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shoulder not improving


tourdelove

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went to physio today. he said by now the shoulder should be much better, which it isn't. He is worried that there may be a tear somewhere. Which would mean surgery. Which would mean, career on hold.

the morals of the troop is way low now folks. it's hard to keep a focus in my healthy plan ironically. Even thought I resist the destructive moods and behaviors as much as possible.

Continuing analyzing my life, and how I am to turn it around. I know it is possible and there is no need to get that down. It's just the little grimlin in my head working overtime to undermine my good thoughts. I fight. It's hard.

Today, my friend didn't even call to cancel the hike we were supposed to do, so it compound the bad feelings. But, I called another friend and now I am heading to her place. I haven't seen her in such a long time. It should be good.

I just don't want to let myself slip into this bad, bad place a was in several years ago. I dread it. When things go not so good for me, I really have a hard time keeping the chin up. but I will fight with all my might folk! I swear!

And, I hope you believe in me. Trust me, it's really though at the moment. Really though. I resist asking for financial help from my mom. I don't want it. She has not much money. She's worked extremely hard for her money, and I haven't been really there for her. I know it isn't my fault necessarily. I have to take care of my own, and when people bring me down without wanting to, but still do, I have to get away from that. It's my own survival that is at stakes. If push comes to shove, I will ask for help. But I believe I still have some other options at the moment. Everybody has their own problems, and I am an adult. so.

I do ask for your help though, in just thoughts. You guys, people who have been reading me, are wonderful. And I do appreciate it 100%. You know. A read. I know you guys do what you can. And I will do what I can as well. I wish I was stronger... But at the same time, I know I am really strong. I have pulled myself out of some crazy sh&((&t, and I can do it again. I can see a dim light at the end of this tunnel. And I will hold on to that with all my might.

Peace.

T

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oh tour, I'm sorry things went so bad, but it's so good you haven't given up hope! I really really wish that things would start going your way a little more. You definitely have my thoughts tour, and my prayers.

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Physical troubles can be so scary! Your world is NOT coming to an end though, you are just scared. The body is totally amazing in what it can do to heal itself. Sometimes it needs help, and if you have a tear, you need some surgery to get you back to stability in that area. They know so much more now than they used to about these injuries, so you can take heart about that. We are here for you, Ms. tour. You will get through this :(

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Tour,

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going very well for you at the moment. And I do know that it's not so much that things are really going badly, as the feeling that they are. That gremlin you mentioned (you have to stop feeding them after midnight).

As for the shoulder, yes, you can and will heal. Even if it takes surgery. Even if you lose this job, there will be others, once you're well. I bet there are even some jobs you could do that don't require an intact rotator. About all mine seems to require lately, for instance, is fingers to type with and the ability to stay awake (and not pee yourself) in long meetings. Perhaps these are talents that you too possess. :-)

I guess what I'm saying, and hopefully demonstrating, is that there's nothing wrong that can't be cured by having a laugh with your friends and getting back to work. You'll be okay, and we are here, listening.

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