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what can I do now?


tourdelove

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Ok so I learned that I will be in a sling for the rest of the summer, which is somewhat disturbing. But I know there's much worst than my situation. Now I need to find out what I can do to occupy myself, and to earn some doh somehow.

It's a little distressing. But I don't want to get all down and bored and feel isolated, out of control and on the verge of not having something to eat. I don't want to have other people having to 'take care of me' in the financial way. Especially right now.

I know I can walk.

I can do stationary bike

I can work [somewhat] on a computer

My office manager at the construction job just called me to see what was happening. They are going to hire somebody to replace me. They have to. I'll keep in touch with them and maybe they'll be able to rehire me when I'm better [big sigh here]. Not freaking out just yet. Just wondering what I can do next. What will be my next successful move to continue with my life, my goals, my happiness.

---

In other news, I kissed my date last night. We've been dating for a week and a half now. Taking it slowly. We've known each other, as acquaintances for like 6 years. Such a small town, it's inevitable that I know his 'track record', and he knows mine. but, it's good in a way, as we both know each of us has had 'decent' boyfriend/girlfriend before, for a number of year. We both can still talk in a civilized manner to our old relations. We both kind of messed up our relationships in the end. As I know he was unhappy with her in the end, and I was with M. I know why and how I messed up [or M and I messed up]. I just hope he knows how he did it too. I hope we can both see how to not do that again.

We both had a pretty rock and roll childhood. Rough, uncaring parents. That's a bit unsettling to be sure. We both came out here, to get as far as possible from them, and fend on our own, but away from manipulation, to take control and rebuild, and heal our lives. We both went through a long patch where we didn't talk to our parents at all, but renewed with them. Me, 6 years ago, him a year and half ago. We both had our encounter with depression for a bit and gained 25lb in the process! Ah! But we both picked ourselves up, started exercising again, and eating well. We both stopped being [somewhat] reckless with our health, stop using alcohol or [minor] drugs to sooth our moods.

We have little outdoor activities in common. I mean, I was like har'core self propelled sports [until accident]. He's mister motorhead. But he likes to hike and do some camping and surfing... and he seems to have his ducks in a row.

Anyway. I like this guy. He's gentle and caring, so far. He's confident on the outside, but pretty shy and timid in reality. He was trying to get closer as we sat on the couch, talking... Took him about 2 hours to figure out how he could just put my legs over his as we were watching a movie. I like that!

In all the relationships that actually worked for me, both were moving slowly. Nothing seemed forced. And the 'effort' to get out of our shell came from the both of us. So this is how it felt last night. Just standing there for a while, before I left, at his door. A long hug, and then trying to find each others lips. So carefully. Not a peck, not a french kiss. Just a good first kiss.

It is good. But I keep my head straight. No pedestal this time. I can go to being alone if all fails. Always. As this feels A-OK too now.

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Hi Tour! That really stinks about your job, but I'm glad you're not freaking out. By not freaking out, you are able to think, which is important, so you can figure out what to do about making money, and also about not getting depressed. I mean, if you were freaking out the same problems would still exist, only you wouldn't be able to handle them as well. You know, I know I'm really no good at this whole support/advice thing, but I really do care about you, and hope that everything works out for you. And I am so happy for you that things with this new guy are going well at the moment!

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Nothing beats a guy with lined-up ducks! :-)

Good luck, tour, or not, as we mentioned earlier. More important is what you put into it, but don't try too hard. Eventually you have to just take the risk again.

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